To be having a (secret) stand-off with DH over an empty shampoo bottle?

[Cheekyweegobshite]

Over the years it has become apparent that removing empty bottles of shampoo, shower gel, toothpaste packaging etc from the bathroom is 'my job'.

We finished a bottle of shampoo last Saturday and I duly removed it from the shower and placed it on the bathroom counter to take down to the recycling. Then I thought sod it and I left it there to see how long it would take DH to notice it.

It's still there. In the last day or two I've started moving it around - I put it in the sink, he duly removed it and put it back by the sink. I put it on 'his' side of the counter yesterday, he moved it back to the sink. I put it on the floor, he picked it up and put it by the sink.

Why doesn't he just take it downstairs to the bin???

I put similar objects at the bottom of the stairs. So he has to walk over them . If that os ignored.i put them on his side of the bed. He gets annoyed and says why cant you just move them . ? I just say because of I do it will be more and more things . I say i am letting him.kmow that he needs to move hos stuff. Sometimes i leave stuff in the middle of the room . This works better than the side of the room . If he is in rhw mood he will ignore it or 'not see it 'for days . He also uses tea cloths to dry up and then bundles the damp tea cloth in a ball amd leaves it on the draining board. I have had to move that as it drives mw mad . I put it one the floor once and he said why are you makimg a point.. why dont you just move it. He does it v often and cant seem to break the habit even if asked or the cloth is put somewhere annoying.

@Lieinrequired

There are currently 4 mouthwash bottles, 3 shower gel and 2 deodorants - all empty, that my husband has left on a shelf in our bathroom.

Wow, that is hardcore! Is this a record or have there been more than this?!

I'm at work today, DH is dad-taxi. Chances of the shampoo bottle still being there when I get home? 99.9% I reckon

DHes in general tend to do stuff like this. I distinctly remember (back shortly before I ditched mine) him standing in the kitchen, yelling, "BRING ME MY GLOVES," then walking into the (attached) garage. I got them, slung them at his head, and said, "HERE, you lazy jackass!" When he huffed, "What was THAT for?" I told him, 'They were sitting on the table RIGHT NEXT TO YOU WHEN YOU TOLD ME TO 'FETCH' !"

@Hoppinggreen

I am also having a secret stand off with DH. He dumps the dog lead, poo bags etc on the window ledge by the front door so I bought a box with “dog things” on it and put it on the floor instead. DH thinks this is pointless because we are having a porch built (hopefully) this summer so it was “unnecessary expenditure” . Things that aren’t tech related are seen as “unnecessary expenditure “ whereas the Daily Amazon delivery of unidentifiable wires and overpriced Keto snacks are apparently vital So he keeps placing the dog items on the window ledge and then I sweep them dramatically into the box. He then takes the dog out and gets back and puts them back on the window ledge and it sweep them not the box and so it goes on.

@Hoppinggreen

Would the basket fit on the window sill?

I cannot stand clutter & would have a basket if it warranted it, BUT, I really dislike things on the floor. Now finally my knees are pretty fucked and I think it had 'been coming' for a lot longer than I realised, but I'd obviously moved things & changed things so it wasn't hurting/inconveniencing me where possible.

Luckily I live alone, so no one to annoy!

@rawlikesushi

I don't think it is a secret stand off any more.

He has moved it enough times to have twigged to the game by now.

You need to raise your game. Hide the new bottle. Put the empty bottle under his pillow or in his sock drawer. Write a note and attach it to the bottle. Clear the bathroom of everything except the empty bottle.

A bathroom bin does help too though.

How does a bathroom bin help, as it needs to go in the recycling?

...and I don't want a bin and a recycling bin in the bathroom and I'm not going through the bin to pull out recycling items.

Just take them downstairs when you go down, it's not difficult.

@CroutonsAvatar

Mine leaves empty loo rolls ON TOP OF THE SODDING BATHROOM BIN!!!!!! or next to it.

Well, they're recycling, not rubbish. They don't belong in the bin 🤷🏻‍♀️

@omg35

Yep, could have written this. I didn't used to mind but I've recently had a baby and obviously she can't hold her head up so when I do have the pleasure of taking her with me to use the loo or shower, I don't have a spare hand to take this stuff downstairs with me. It's started to drive me crazy that I'm the only one who can do it

You'll look back on this & laugh. If you don't, best you don't have a second child

@Saddlesore

My fridge often contains empty bottles or jars, because DH finishes the contents and puts the container back in the fridge. This week there was an empty mayo jar. I set out some things for lunch and he asked me if there was any mayo. I said there was a jar in the fridge. He looked in the fridge, took out the (empty) jar. Realised it was empty, AND PUT IT BACK IN THE FRIDGE.

This is what the fish slice/spatula are for!

Wrap it around the back of his thigh!!

Recycling stuff left in the bathroom doesn't bother me too much, but things put back empty has consequences! Serious consequences 🤬🤣

@Birdcloud

Isn’t it interesting that this is such a universal man problem? Why is this? My recent victory is getting my DH to turn his socks inside out before putting them in the wash bin. I think he sees this as a novelty. I praise him a lot!!

Why do you want him to put his socks in the wash inside out?

If they don't get clean whichever way they are, you need a new washing machine, not some weird routine!!

My Dad died a few years ago, my
Parents were together for 50 years, my Mum never managed to stop my Dad pairing his socks up/rolling them together before putting them in the washing basket.

He'd have walked over broken glass for her & did his share around the house, so I've NO idea why he couldn't/wouldn't stop doing this?

I'd have stopped him 🤣

😂

DH is recycle man here but I do at least deposit things in the table in his office to deal with. Sometimes I even pre sort into file, recycle, shred.

DH is rubbish at seeing when things need cleaning but I did discover this is in part genuinely to his awful eyesight as when he occasionally puts his contact lenses in he does suddenly notice.

BestOption unfortunately not.
However, I believe I have won because we have come away for the weekend and DH picked up the basket and packed it in the car

This is on my long list of why I left ex-DP. Bathrooms with these ornaments are also on my long list of 'signs of men I should not date'. (I should have known, looking back, that things would not work out with him. His bathroom when I met him had many empty shower gel bottles as well as toilet roll cardboard tubes.)

Re the sock thing- Sorry I misinformed you. I got him to turn his socks the right way in!! So that when they’re clean I can hang them straight up and not have to turn the wet sock inside out. Dear god it’s not worth it x

This kind of stuff is very irritating

But I’m now glad I use my own shampoo, each can sort own empty bottles

And who was it that raised these recalcitrant boy children! What were their mothers thinking?
They are making slaves of us all and perpetuating the sexist disrespect of women that proliferates throughout the world.

It's beer bottle tops dropped into the cutlery drawer that make my blood boil. I now take them out and put them in his shoes, pockets or work bag.

They're still dropped in the cutlery drawer but I have a little giggle to myself when I put them in his things.

When I was at university I had a woman roommate and two men. The woman went off to a conference and I decided to see how long it would take the two lazy, shiftless bastards to take out the rubbish. On the 9th day she returned and enquires about the smell. And told them to take it out. They both looked at me expectantly.

Older and wiser people, how do you do it? We will soon be moving in together. Currently we live together part of the week, at my house. I am very clean and tidy, DP is extremely messy. He is, in every other way, an absolutely fantastic person, and here's the thing - he will always clear up/wash/take out/tidy anything that I ask him, and acknowledges that he's made a mess. But if I don't say anything, it will build up to absolutely critical proportions before he does it.

I feel I shouldn't have to be constantly asking him to do things. I don't enjoy it, and he is a fellow adult (although likely with ADHD, as PPs have mentioned too), and what's more, he knows that I like things clean and tidy!

How do I stop this becoming a mountain of resentment and future arguments?

@susiebluebell you may be better off having a daily task check list?

It's frustrating that he doesn't see the mess and take on the responsibility for clearing up BUT having it written down so it's clear what he needs to check and do daily will stop resentment from you and having to "mother" him.

This post and the responses are so funny. I love the fact we can be at war with our loved ones and they don't even notice.

@susiebluebell have your partner read the essay I linked to, about a man realising the message he was sending to his partner each time he left something for her to clear away.

If he reads it and still treats you in this disrespectful manner, then I would consider not moving in.

I do believe that women are socialised, conditioned and maybe biologically too, that we want to ‘show off’ our ability as a ‘mate’ by taking on a burden of housework when we first live with a partner, and then we wonder why they think the laundry fairy is a thing.

@susiebluebell

Older and wiser people, how do you do it? We will soon be moving in together. Currently we live together part of the week, at my house. I am very clean and tidy, DP is extremely messy. He is, in every other way, an absolutely fantastic person, and here's the thing - he will always clear up/wash/take out/tidy anything that I ask him, and acknowledges that he's made a mess. But if I don't say anything, it will build up to absolutely critical proportions before he does it.

I feel I shouldn't have to be constantly asking him to do things. I don't enjoy it, and he is a fellow adult (although likely with ADHD, as PPs have mentioned too), and what's more, he knows that I like things clean and tidy!

How do I stop this becoming a mountain of resentment and future arguments?

I’d think carefully about moving in together unless he can improve.

www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288

The worst of all: DH - and his mother, so it's learned behaviour - will happily wipe round the surfaces unasked, but the damp cloth is just bundled and dumped anywhere there's space. It quickly smells in summer and when you go to pick it up to rinse and hang up the cloth, all the wiped up crud falls out and the job is suddenly yours! Nothing - absolutely nothing - has broken him of this lazy, slovenly habit. Left to himself he does not change the cloth and it gets stickier. I know this because work and latterly volunteering can take me away for days, even weeks at a time. The adult children know that if I go first their father will descend into squalour. I have warned him about gastroenteritis in relation to his 90yo mother but it doesn't penetrate.

And they both just rinse and reside cups and plates, they don't actually wash them clean. I scour and scald MiL's stained and manky cups and encrusted plates every time I'm there but Covid has meant not seeing her for 14 months now as she lives abroad and in a hot climate. I dread to think what it's like by now...

@RandomMess @Worldgonecrazy and @MarshaBradyo thank you for your thoughts. I am thinking carefully about it before moving in, hence asking for how others have approached it - especially because I know there is a large aspect of it which is based in his ADHD and therefore not something which I want to guilt-trip or punish him for.

It's more about that give and take of accommodations which occurs in any relationship. I know the e.g. dishes will be done, just much further along than when I would have done them. So I want him to accommodate my desire for tidiness, while I also accommodate that he prefers to wash up a filthy mountain of dishes, rather than a few plates at a time