To be having a (secret) stand-off with DH over an empty shampoo bottle?

[Cheekyweegobshite]

Over the years it has become apparent that removing empty bottles of shampoo, shower gel, toothpaste packaging etc from the bathroom is 'my job'.

We finished a bottle of shampoo last Saturday and I duly removed it from the shower and placed it on the bathroom counter to take down to the recycling. Then I thought sod it and I left it there to see how long it would take DH to notice it.

It's still there. In the last day or two I've started moving it around - I put it in the sink, he duly removed it and put it back by the sink. I put it on 'his' side of the counter yesterday, he moved it back to the sink. I put it on the floor, he picked it up and put it by the sink.

Why doesn't he just take it downstairs to the bin???

I'm single OP, but this kind of thing drives me mad with my children, so I do sympathise.
Empty cereal boxes or juice bottles being put back ... well, it gives me a whole new level of rage that I never knew existed!

I couldn't even tell you who finished this bottle, but if I don't remove it from the shower it would stay there for all eternity.

Ooooh. Ds brought me an empty toilet roll the other day. “Mummy this is for you it’s finished”

In his defence he’s 3.5. But. Need to stomp that out of him

I leave empty bottles in bathroom. Its not cause I think DH is lesser its not aome crazy power play in which I exert dominance over him. Having an empty bottle in the bathroom just isn't a big deal to me. Whoever next tidies/cleans bathroom will sort it then.

Sorry I misunderstood

@LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow

Only eight? I've been locked in a toilet roll insert battle with DP for the last two months. He uses copious amounts of TP, and always leaves the empty tube on the holder, and stacks a new roll in top. I've taken to squishing them now because there's so many, but at one point I had 25 inserts sitting on the windowsill. I now have 5 empty rolls stuffed with flattened inserts.

He's asked me to get fancy TP because his poor little bumhole is sensitive. No chance, his arsehole eats it's way through practically a whole roll every time he shits, so I'd be earning my wages just to keep him in Andrex-I'm sticking with the perfectly adequate Lidl or Aldi stuff that costs a fraction of the price and is most likely made in the same factory.

(And maybe hiding a roll or two so he's caught short when the holder is empty )

I tried this and the bottle lasted 6 months until I disposed of it. I particularly liked the filling up the bottom with water to get the last few molecules of shampoo out. By about the 20th time you would have thought the silly bugger would have given up god knows what was actually doing the washing.

I'm not sure I could bother myself with annoyance this stand off would cause me. Maybe just do it then remind him next time?

I know it shouldn't be necessary!

My DH is the same. He leaves the containers for his disposable contact lenses lying around the bathroom for me to dispose of, along with the cardboard inner tube when he finishes the loo roll. The latter is actually a victory of sorts, as for years he seemed to be unable to work out how to remove the empty loo roll from the holder despite being a mathematics whizz. Now he does remove the old roll and put a new one on, but the empty roll is still left for me to put in the upstairs recycling bin.

He will also leave a single cornflake, nugget of granola etc in a cereal packet and put back on the shelf in order to avoid having to flatten the box and put it in the recycling bin!

DP is the same he is a ‘big picture’ person apparently. Leaving things on the kitchen counter not the bin or the recycling bin is for details people. But the big picture is that he cleaned the kitchen I suppose.

I often have secret stand offs with him. Mostly about nappies on the window ledge . But it’s always me who breaks so why even bother?

I would just have to say, when you go downstairs, would you please take the empty shampoo bottle with you and put it in the recycling bin. Thanks.

Stand-offs never worked with my ex because he didn't 'see' said item. Literally would be invisible to him until I pointed it out.

I had a secret stand off like this, and it worked. So I think it's worth persisting.

My stand off was about the 'where's my....?' question that DH and both DC used to ask me umpteen times a day. When my youngest was about 3 I started saying 'I don't know' consistently, always, even if I did know where the thing was. And I started to never, ever get involved in looking for the thing. It took about a year and then they stopped asking. They never knew they were involved in a stand off.

I am also having a secret stand off with DH.
He dumps the dog lead, poo bags etc on the window ledge by the front door so I bought a box with “dog things” on it and put it on the floor instead. DH thinks this is pointless because we are having a porch built (hopefully) this summer so it was “unnecessary expenditure” . Things that aren’t tech related are seen as “unnecessary expenditure “ whereas the Daily Amazon delivery of unidentifiable wires and overpriced Keto snacks are apparently vital
So he keeps placing the dog items on the window ledge and then I sweep them dramatically into the box. He then takes the dog out and gets back and puts them back on the window ledge and it sweep them not the box and so it goes on.

He doesn't know he's in a standoff and he probably doesn't care. But if it bothers YOU then just move it

Well the issue is people are oblivious to jobs that aren't their responsibilities.
Think about what he has responsibility for around the house, do you ever even think of that job?
It's unrealistic to suddenly expect someone to notice and then start doing it. If he thought the shampoo had 'some left in it' then he might keep putting it back.
If you are fairly controlling about empty shampoo bottles then he'd be deferring to your authority on whether it was empty enough or not to be thrown out.
For example my DH puts out the bins. If he suddenly left the bin outside the kitchen window and waited to see if I'd notice, I wouldn't notice. I'd presume he was looking after it - not because I'm a lazy self absorbed bitch but because we have assumed 'roles' and the bins are his role.
So I won't think about the bins unless he said it to me that he felt it unfair and unreasonable that he always had to do the bins.

Put a bin in the bathroom?

@MyVisionsComeFromSoup

I left an empty shampoo bottle on the corner of the bath last summer when I left H (by mistake, I wasn't being lazy or a bitch), it's still there by all accounts, 9 months later . I'm going to have to come up with a reason to go back and actually check now, aren't I?

Ha, yes, find a reason to go round!

I have a similar story. I split with my last ex in 2015, and we had a flat with two bathrooms. One was an ensuite and one was a bigger bathroom. I always thought it was a stupid use of space in a small flat to have two bathrooms but never mind. Me and the ex used to have one bathroom each, pretty much - with guests using 'my' bathroom.

A mutual friend stays there quite regularly, and informs me that my bathroom is still as it was. I could understand him perhaps leaving things like shampoo and shower gel there in case of guests, but there are other things that you wouldn't share with people like my contraceptive pills by the tap, and apparently everything is still as I left it the last day I was there (I couldn't take it with me as I didn't want him knowing I was leaving, abuse etc).

As my DD said to me when she was about 8yrs of age;

"I don't get this being angry with someone without them knowing. They don't know that you are angry with them so what's the point of that".

I don't think it is a secret stand off any more.

He has moved it enough times to have twigged to the game by now.

You need to raise your game. Hide the new bottle. Put the empty bottle under his pillow or in his sock drawer. Write a note and attach it to the bottle. Clear the bathroom of everything except the empty bottle.

A bathroom bin does help too though.

I'm glad I'm not the only one. The cleaner is coming tomorrow and I'm not going to leave it for her, obviously. Question is whether I hide it and bring it out again when she's left.

I'm other news, the conditioner is running low and probably only has enough for 1 more person 🤔

I normally couldn't be bothered with this passive aggressive shit either, but we're still in semi-lockdown and I've watched everything on Netflix

OMG - Why are they such lazy bastards. Yes to the empty loo roll holders, the empty bottles left in the shower so I have to get out soaking wet and get a new one, the empty packets put back in the fridge, the dirty clothes left inside out and deposited around the laundry basket (couldn't possible find the strength the lift the fucking lid up), shoes left where taken off, skid marks left in the loo, the oven left on every time he cooks to name but a few. There are some days I genuinely hate him.

Mine leaves empty loo rolls ON TOP OF THE SODDING BATHROOM BIN!!!!!! or next to it.

@sadie9

Well the issue is people are oblivious to jobs that aren't their responsibilities. Think about what he has responsibility for around the house, do you ever even think of that job? It's unrealistic to suddenly expect someone to notice and then start doing it. If he thought the shampoo had 'some left in it' then he might keep putting it back. If you are fairly controlling about empty shampoo bottles then he'd be deferring to your authority on whether it was empty enough or not to be thrown out. For example my DH puts out the bins. If he suddenly left the bin outside the kitchen window and waited to see if I'd notice, I wouldn't notice. I'd presume he was looking after it - not because I'm a lazy self absorbed bitch but because we have assumed 'roles' and the bins are his role. So I won't think about the bins unless he said it to me that he felt it unfair and unreasonable that he always had to do the bins.

I agree with this. At least let him know that he needs to take empties to the bin. It sounds stupid but if he thinks that's 'your' job (I assume there are some things that are 'his' job) he will be almost blind to the fact it's there.

My partner was the same over emptying the bin. He said because I always did it, he never even really noticed it being emptied, and then one day I just stopped doing it - whereas if I'd just asked him could he empty the bin once a week he'd have done it no problem.

Some posters are taking this way too seriously!

Stand-offs in this house are over DHs apparent inability to put glasses in the dishwasher (he leaves them on the worktop above to dishwasher and I carefully ignore them until either I need one or two to fill the dishwasher or he realises it's ridiculous and loads them).
The other stand off is cleaning the car - DH will mention it regularly, I will ignore or make a rubbish effort to at least tidy the inside until eventually DH breaks and cleans it inside and out.

There's no power play here - we both know it's happening, it's lighthearted. If either one of us was genuinely annoyed by these things we would have argued about it by now!

@Hoppinggreen

I am also having a secret stand off with DH. He dumps the dog lead, poo bags etc on the window ledge by the front door so I bought a box with “dog things” on it and put it on the floor instead. DH thinks this is pointless because we are having a porch built (hopefully) this summer so it was “unnecessary expenditure” . Things that aren’t tech related are seen as “unnecessary expenditure “ whereas the Daily Amazon delivery of unidentifiable wires and overpriced Keto snacks are apparently vital So he keeps placing the dog items on the window ledge and then I sweep them dramatically into the box. He then takes the dog out and gets back and puts them back on the window ledge and it sweep them not the box and so it goes on.

this would drive me insane. I have a place for dog things as I walk the dog in the morning before work and he walks him in the afternoon. I put together a bag and put it in a specific place. And I put all his things in this place when I have finished walking him (favourite ball, harness, lead, poo bags, long lead). When dp walks him, he puts everything wherever it seems to fall first. Poo bags are sometimes next to the sink, sometimes his lead is hung up where the coats are, often his favourite ball is nowhere to be sodding seen. Essentially in my busy day, it takes me 5-10 mins extra trying to find all his shit that I carefully arrange in the right place when I am done. I don't think for a second he does it deliberately, he's just absent minded and probably taking a work call when he gets in and flings all the stuff about but it would take 10 bleeding seconds to put it in the right place and save me a load of time when I can't find everything the next morning!