He has met someone else hasn't he?

[walkigonsuncc]

2 months ago (after a awful relationship) I started speaking to a man on tinder.
We exchanged numbers and straight away started speaking a lot.
Before work,during work after work etc.
He added me to Instagram and sometimes we would be chatting at the same time on both.

We had our first date 3 weeks ago after a month of chatting.
It went really well and we never stopped talking and laughing.

Straight after the date he rang me and he we spoke on the phone for a hour and he asked me out Again.
We arranged this Friday,so I booked the table and paid £20 deposit (outdoor drinks ,put they need deposits to secure table )
He was excited and talked about what drinks he fancied.
He was tagging me in posts about the place etc.

He would ring me most days after work for a hour,sometimes twice in one night.
He spoke about how his nephews were going to love me,told me he wanted to come with me whilst I pick a car (as I'm too nice and they will try and rip me off )
He is offered to pick me up from work as my car broke down.
Set an alarm every morning at 4am to text me good morning before my job started.

Last Thursday he text and asked if I wanted to grab a coffee (I said no as I was so busy that day)
He said no problem and was excited for Friday.
I was also so excited.
I thought at last I had met a nice guy.

Then Saturday I felt a change.
He wasn't chatting,no texts,no phone calls.
I tried texting but he would read and not reply for a few hours (I could just tell )
Sunday I spoke about our next date and how we would freeze in the beer garden..he replied ha.
He also was posting topless pics on his insta story (as though he was trying to impress someone )
Then he tagged a girl in his story of a song.

Monday he text "hi sorry I'm not ready to date after my ex broke my heart ,hopefully you understand,can you please delete my number"
I was shocked and text asking what I had done.
He said "it's me not you"
Then I said "you've done a 360 overnight"
He said he hadn't and had been thinking about it for a few days.
Then he blocked me on everything just like that gone.

My gut instinct told me check tinder ..there he was,with new pics (pics he sent me two weeks earlier )
Later in the day his profile was gone.

So my gut says,he started talking to someone new who he obviously preferred..I'm assuming the girl he tagged.
She was tanned,huge boobs,posing on a bed with legs spread etc (so clearly caught his eye )
How intense with me (over 2000 texts in two months ) will be what she's getting.

I'm upset (I know it was only 1 date) but everything was so intense.
Now he's gone just like that.

Aibu to think that's what's happened ?

We only met up once in two months as both work shifts and our shifts clashed.

Why haven't you blocked and deleted his number yet?

I had a similar situation with someone but unfortunately we met up for 4 months even spending weekends together etc. It was always him making the effort, phoning texting and organising things for us. Then randomly out of the blue he went quiet and I phoned him to ask what was wrong and he told me there isn’t any feelings there for me and he can’t carry it on as it isn’t fair on me. He got quite aggressive and arsey with me on the phone even though I wasn’t acting that way towards him. I definitely had feelings and quite frankly I’m heartbroken but it really opened my eyes to his real side. You made a lucky escape. Better it happening now than 4 months down the line like me❤️ Chin up x

Don't feel bad, as others have said this is a definite thing that some dreadful men do! In fact there was a thread recently on really similar lines where a woman in her 50's had been similarly reeled in. I think it's the 'intimacy' they offer and the pseudo-caring - I'll be in your life, helping you buy cars, looking after you. The future faking gets you to relax and think 'oh well he must like me if he's thinking we'll be together at Christmas', and all the caring stuff feels so lovely. But it's all a complete sham. Most normal people don't behave as he did - it's too much really. Relationships build over time, yes you can have the 'thunderbolt' of feelings immediate but it's the sudden onslaught of OTT behaviour that is 'off'. Easy come, easy go.

Set an alarm every morning at 4am to text me good morning before my job started.

This would send me running. Absolutely insane 😬

In fact all the OTT activity on the date itself was even a flag, tagging the restaurant etc etc, way too much build up!
I'd 100% still be going to enjoy my lunch out though on a day off- phone around my friends, talk someone into a half day and go and have a lovely time with a glass of something nice and some good food.

I have deleted his number now
I did it the other night.
He would send me videos of his nephews all the time and tell me how much he loved them.
It just felt like he liked me.
Anyway I appreciate everyone's advice and support.
It's always nice when your feeling crappy.
I've just had my hair done and nails done so I'm feeling good.
Might do some retail therapy tomorrow instead in the afternoon.
Hopefully it goes tits up for him.

Then he tagged a girl in his story of a song

Apart from the fact this would turn me off massively unless he was 14, this person is not worth your time. You'll be glad one day I promise.

Lucky escape indeed.

He'll be a nightmare until he gets some therapy for his issues, very much issues as people with healthy relationship knowledge don't do or act like him. I'd 'almost' feel a tiny bit sorry for him I were you - but you'll be too busy out with your nice hair, relaxing and shopping - enjoy!!

Yes I like that attitude OP :)

Whether he's met someone else or not, now he's someone else's problem not yours.

@walkigonsuncc

I have deleted his number now I did it the other night. He would send me videos of his nephews all the time and tell me how much he loved them. It just felt like he liked me. Anyway I appreciate everyone's advice and support. It's always nice when your feeling crappy. I've just had my hair done and nails done so I'm feeling good. Might do some retail therapy tomorrow instead in the afternoon. Hopefully it goes tits up for him.

Onwards and upwards OP!

Well at least you didn’t sleep with him 🤷‍♀️

I'm incredibly wary now of anyone who is this keen that early. Ime it always ends like this and in fact I'm surprised he actually gave you a (shoddy) explanation as most don't bother. Chalk this one up to experience and add it to the (very long) list of red flag behaviour to be wary of when online dating

Hope you blocked him before you deleted

Well done on moving on, OP.

FWIW it sounds to me like he did like you but is still in love with the ex and only realised that after trying to do the relationship thing again (perhaps he used to text her before her shift started, perhaps his nephews loved her and he was looking for a replacement for her) but he isn't ready for proper dating or relationship, and just went on Tinder for a quick hook-up.

But none of us know the guy, and at the end of the day it doesn't matter now.

Chin up!

He's right: it is him, not you, so don't allow yourself to feel less worthwhile! He probably did the same to the girl before you when you came along and will probably do the same to the next. Don't envy her. You want someone who values you, and he wasn't really what you want.

Be glad he told you directly reasonably quickly. That was kinder than it felt.

@walkigonsuncc don't forget to cancel your booked table - the pubs and restaurants are struggling. Sorry you wasted your energy on such a prize dick.

Good plan. Hair, nails and some retail therapy. Be kind to yourself. Eat some nice food, see friends, go for walk.....

Sorry it’s worked out this way for you. Realise it’s a bit soul destroying. But onwards and upwards now!x

Hi OP, I had one of these (Plenty of Fish though) a couple of years ago. Absolutely over the top with compliments, wished he'd met me 20 years ago, planning holidays after a couple of dates, oddly enough wanted me to meet his nieces. And I think was quite affronted when I said I had never and would never introduce a man to my (adult) daughter unless I thought it had a long term future.

Anyway after maybe four dates - many long, chatty, cannot believe how well we get on, telephone calls ..... silence. Nothing. No date arranged, just no call. Then I saw that he'd removed me from Facebook. I kept his number but I renamed him "his name DO NOT TEXT" because I'd been on Mumsnet too long.

Several months later, he sent a random message - something like "hello you! Was driving through (my home town) and thought about you - how are things?". I waited a day before replying - kept it cool - what was determined NOT to do was ask for answers or to give any indication that I'd been as upset as you sound. It's the idea that a happy future has been dangled in front of your nose and then whipped away. Obviously they owe us nothing but it's a slightly cruel game to play.

I think, like PPs have said, that he'll be in touch if you haven't blocked him. Be cool and nonchalant, if you answer at all. Onwards and upwards.

Tried to cancel or at least reschedule and I lost my £20 as no refunds or switching.
Seems a bit unfair as they would easy get someone to cover that table
Never mind

@HuntingoftheSnark that's it isn't it that total confusion.
He would ring me and we would chat like we had known each other years.
So easy,like all the people in his phone book he rang me to chat.
Then out the blue ..delete my number
Just cruel really.

Sorry, yes this is probably what has happened

One lesson you have to learn is that all the texts, phone calls and WhatsApp conversations in the world are NOT a substitute for real time spent with someone

They create a false intimacy that you create a narrative in your head that isn’t founded on anything real.

@walkigonsuncc it's a pattern of behaviour. Of course he was easy to talk to and charming - it's literally a hobby and a source of entertainment. You haven't been stupid and you shouldn't feel a fool, and it's fine to feel annoyed for a while (I did for some time) - just be really prepared to him to contact you again and to be ice queen personified.

Shame that you cancelled the table although it is still pretty cold. But you did nothing wrong with him - he's a chancer and moves to the next glittery thing like a magpie. Definitely not someone you'd want long term - you are worth much more than that.

Op I wouldn’t block him. Men like that ALWAYS come back and when he does you can ignore him knowing it’ll really piss him off.

It’s not personal

He’s playing a numbers game, has not created the narrative you have in your head and he’s only looking after his own interests

If you pace yourself in future, don’t allow yourself to get carried away

Don’t even consider it to be a relationship of any substance until you at least add the 6 month mark

A relationship until then could fail at any time, and it’s not worth you attaching anything other than like to a relationship at this stage

When you hit the year mark it’s time to take stock

This is what I did the last relationship I had through OLD.

Keeping things very chilled, at face value, the odd light plan here and there, no big stuff, take anything like bigger statements from him with a pinch of salt and not attach too much of anything to anything

We’ve been living together now 4 years, besotted and inseparable

Take things slowly, enjoy the process don’t put it under pressure and then it’s a huge bonus if it DOES blossom into something