AIBU to feel like it's impossible for me to work?

[Pinkwithwhite]

I have 2 under two. My husband earns enough to pay the bills but there isn't enough for anything else! So any extras are now going on the credit card.

How can I financially contribute? We can't afford childcare. Grandparents can help one day a week, maybe two at a push.

I was a nanny before children but don't want to go back to 12 hour days 5 days a week.

Any advice?
What do you do?
I've had a look on a few job sites and there's nothing unless I want to be a carer working 12 hour shifts.

Part time nanny. Lots of people will be delighted to find you. Of your parents can do 2 days a week you’re laughing. People will bite off your hand

I've had two very successful nanny shares where I literally shared the nanny with her own children. I paid her half and she had the four kids. Worked really well as our children all got to play together. I saved on the cost of childcare, she earned and didn't have any childcare costs. It was for 2 or 3 days a week. Would that be an option?

You can advertise on local sites and on childcare.co.uk

If he can't look after them maybe he should do the extra bar shifts or take in ironing?

My husband earns enough to pay the bills but there isn't enough for anything else! So any extras are now going on the credit card.

I know that you asked something different, but you have had a lot of advice on that. But please... don't do this. Get advice on getting your bills under control and living within your means. Your husband isn't going to magically start earning more money, and until you do, then you are paying to service debt at an enormous rate, and it will get out of control. That will put you in a much, much worse position. Credit card debt builds until it can't be managed, and literally brings the house of cards down around your ears.

You can't do it all

My husband looking after them isn't an option
You will struggle to work then. There are plenty of jobs out there working evenings or weekends, but your husband would have to step up and look after them while you work.
Alternatively you might be able to find something working evenings after the kids have gone to bed, such as babysitting or overnight nannying. But it will be unreliable and some weeks you might have no work.
Definitely steer clear of anything online which claims you can earn £££ working evenings from home they're usually scams.

Are there any very smart hotels within a reasonable distance. They often are on the look out for babysitters and like trained nannies for their well heeled guests.

Also your hand would have been bitten off in SW London for a day or two half days of nannying by the mother's with two infants who needed a break (coals to Newcastle I know). Are there any wealthy pockets where you could advertise close by?

Your husband can't cope with your children yet you are expected to cope with your children as well as childminding another few at the same time? How is that fair?

With regard to your own childcare - check there arent any tax credits/voucher schemes that might offset it a bit, which combined with grandparents doing a day or two would help. And remember this should reduce when your free hours kick in - so it might be you only get a little bit of benefit from working to begin with but then it increases.
The other thng is, if you are used to FT work you probably paid tax - when you only work one or two days you probably wont pay tax and that makes a difference to the take home pay!

You have said that grandparents could help for one or two days per week, so couldn't you just look for any part time job that is two days per week? I've just done a local job search and there's all sorts of office, retail, care work for two days per week.

Presumably you could use childcare, if you wanted to work more than that, as long as the job paid more.

Around here there's also an ex nanny who does babysitting in the evenings, which might work if your dh steps up.

He struggles? Bit morbid but what if something happened to you what’s he gonna do just drop them off at social services?

Hopefully unplanned baby no. 3 doesn't come along to further complicate matters.

Childminding is not as easy as some people are suggesting. There is a lot of initial set up to be done and the stress of being ofsted compliant. You will also need to make quite a lot of initial purchases to get things ready (toys, resources etc) and there will be a lot to think about in terms of how you will use your house for work and to relax in.

I don’t think you have said if you own or rent either. If you rent you would have to get permission from your landlord to set up a business at home and if you own you would likely also have to discuss this with your mortgage provider.

When we were little my mum worked 8pm - 1am on Saturday nights at Tesco which brought in a bit more cash. When we were older she got a job as a teaching assistant,

Cleaning at a school or nursery is a good idea, these jobs often allow you to bring your kids with you. However I think your best bet is to look at your skill set and see if you can set up an Etsy store or buying/selling things on eBay, think up cycling furniture etc.

You can definitely do something and as pp have said, using credit cards regularly is not the answer. A credit card shouldn’t really be used for making every day purchases when you don’t have an idea of how you will pay it off in the future. They are for making substantial purchases that you know you will be able to pay off over time (ideally, I know it doesn’t work like that for many people). You need to reassess your outgoings

@worriedatthemoment

Also have you checked if you are entitled to uc ?

Good call. You could be entitled to help with childcare costs, especially if you're renting.

And using a credit card for essentials is never a good move, it's really easy to end up in a place where the card repayments leave you with even less to live on. Get yourself over to the money section on here and see where you can cut back!

@BullOx

Quite frankly if your husband won’t step up and be a father then you won’t be able to work.

Can he take on a second job to earn more money? Or would he ‘struggle’ doing that too.

This

I did bar work and private tutoring in the evenings and weekends when my two were very little.

May not be possible but I think you need to approach this from the opposite perspective - cutting down on what you spend. Go through everything with a fine tooth com. If your husband's wage pays the bills, then you simply can't afford any extras now. Putting them on a credit card is just moving the problem down the road (where it will be a bigger problem). And this is what you will have to do if your husband won't step up so you can work evenings/weekends.

What was your plan before you had the children, and why is that plan not viable now?

Most of the thread seems to have said "childminding" but there is no way on earth I would have chosen a childminder with 2 small children of their own, and I can't imagine I am unique in thinking this.

Came on to say that you ARE already financially contributing OP.

Can your DH look for another job? Why is it up to you to fix the problem only?

Ah. I see you’ve said your DH is incapable of looking after his own children. Well then yes, you’re a bit stuck.

It'll be difficult for you to work if your husband won't step up. It'll also be impossible for you to get any downtime. I doubt he'll all of a sudden agree to look after then when they're older too. I'd nip it in the bud now.

I’m in the same position OP. I have qualifications and training but in a very un-family friendly profession. My husbands work hours cart almost daily so it’s not an option for me to get a set shift in a workplace.
No grandparents to help and nursery fees in our area are high - for two children we would pay more than I would earn and put us further in the red.

My plan is to keep going another year or two, tighten the purse strings and look at some training i can do at home to get some admin work once they’re both at preschool/school!

Good luck OP!

I’d think seriously about the before and Afterschool care as I know parents who would have preferred this to school Afterschool provision which can often be very noisy. It would take less effort than regular childminding and I agree with PP that parents will be wary of leaving their children with someone who has two very young ones of their own. Rightly or wrongly they will be concerned that you won’t give theirs enough attention.
You will also have the middle of the day free for your own two and just work the 8-9 school drop off and 3-6 pickup and Afterschool care. You might be able to pick up some full days in half terms etc. Do you know people with children at the local primary? Could you find a way to advertise via any social media? I would have much preferred this for DC1 as his Afterschool club was crowded and noisy.

Hi @Pinkwithwhite.
I am in a similar situation to you.
My dp struggled to look after our dc when they were little. I'm sorry to say it hasn't got any better as they've got older. I work whilst they are at school but due to COVID and the schools closing, things have been very tough.

I know you said no judgement, but don’t you think it’s not right that grandparents are able to look after the children but not their own dad? I think you need to fix this. What would happen if you got ill ?

I agree try part time nannying. I worked full time and had a nanny to do the school wrap around. It was hard to get someone. It wouldn't have bothered me if they'd brought their own children, as long as everyone was where they needed to be at the right time and there was an adult in the house.

If people do long days nursery isn't always open early or late enough.