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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to feel like it's impossible for me to work?

131 replies

Pinkwithwhite · 14/04/2021 21:53

I have 2 under two. My husband earns enough to pay the bills but there isn't enough for anything else! So any extras are now going on the credit card.

How can I financially contribute? We can't afford childcare. Grandparents can help one day a week, maybe two at a push.

I was a nanny before children but don't want to go back to 12 hour days 5 days a week.

Any advice?
What do you do?
I've had a look on a few job sites and there's nothing unless I want to be a carer working 12 hour shifts.

OP posts:

LikeSilver · 15/04/2021 07:30

Before mine started school I worked at a pizza delivery restaurant - 3/4 nights a week 5:30-12. I was absolutely knackered after looking after two kids all day long but the job was stress free and mindless, I didnt have to think about it. I think I used to take home about £650 a month. There is always work if you want it, it might not be the work you'd love to do but it's there.

AbsolutelyPatsy · 15/04/2021 07:32

early morning cleaning?
caring is available so why not,
they are not all 12 hour shifts

PineappleUpside · 15/04/2021 07:32

Can the grandparents you mentioned in your OP have the children once a week then if your DP can't?

You really need to stop putting what you are calling 'extras' on credit. You have no way of paying it back if you can't ever increase your income until both your children are at school. You need to cut your cloth to suit your circumstances.

Have you been through all of your outgoings?

MayorGoodwaysChicken · 15/04/2021 07:32

@BullOx

Quite frankly if your husband won’t step up and be a father then you won’t be able to work.

Can he take on a second job to earn more money? Or would he ‘struggle’ doing that too.

This. You’re in a very difficult position with a supportive and capable husband. With one who can’t or won’t look after his own children then it’s almost impossible. If he isn’t willing to look after his children (and don’t tell yourself it’s anything to do with ability, it’s willingness) then he will have to plug the financial gap by working more. He needs to get a second job at a weekend.

Sorry to be blunt, obviously it’s not your fault, but please don’t make excuses. A crap husband and father is your main obstacle here.

AbsolutelyPatsy · 15/04/2021 07:35

ask at care homes whether they need domestics or carers for shorter shifts.

AbsolutelyPatsy · 15/04/2021 07:36

i was lucky as a community carer i did one shift per week, i said i was available 6 hours, so that is what i was offered, with occasional over time.

Saltyslug · 15/04/2021 07:36

Join some agencies and do care work through them. It’s better pay then working directly for an employee and will allow you to sample different working environments. Special schools, homes for the elderly, houses with supported living. You could work a couple of evenings a week or a long day at the weekend

THisbackwithavengeance · 15/04/2021 07:38

No brainer. Childminder. You have the experience with and an affinity with kids.

Seafog · 15/04/2021 07:38

When our dc were little, I was home while dh worked once I started working again too, I worked opposite shift to dh, we'd pass them off to each other, and that was our contact for the day.
It sucked, bit it was only for a year or so, until they were busy th in school full days

MattyGroves · 15/04/2021 07:43

Worth thinking about the long term as well though - where do you see yourself working in the longer term and how can you start to get there?

ActonBell · 15/04/2021 07:45

There are things that could bring small amounts in. When my DS was younger I had lots of parent friends looking for childcare just for one day a week, to give themselves a break. Registering with a childcare agency to look after just one child alongside your own children for one or two days a week could help. As others have said there’s a lot of set up involved as you will need to get all the relevant approvals for this.

Other than that have you thought about making things like homemade play dough, rainbow rice and sensory materials to sell on Etsy. Or peg dolls. Again you need to get the relevant tests done on these (look up the new CE equivalent online), it’s a competitive market and it won’t bring in a lot of money but I’ve seen a lot of people do it and earn money for extras like children’s classes. If you can get a good Instagram following for your products that helps. You’d need to be crafty but the plus side to this is that you’re making things your children can enjoy too.

Or maybe you have another talent that you could make some money from? I have a friend who makes bespoke hair clips and fascinates for weddings. Again, it’s a pocket money business but every little helps.

You can get into reselling items on eBay but this is time intensive as you need to source good quality second hand goods and deal with disputes/refunds etc.

GnomeDePlume · 15/04/2021 07:46

Childminding specialising in the awkward times for school age children might be the thing for you: a breakfast club followed by walk to school in the mornings with a school collection and afternoon tea & homework club in the afternoons.

Cover inset days and school holidays.

Be the flexible option. I remember when my DCs were small someone saying that your childcare problems start when children start school. Create a business model which fills this gap.

AbsolutelyPatsy · 15/04/2021 07:46

i would advise you dont use the credit card. try and reduce your outgoings.

ActonBell · 15/04/2021 07:47

*fascinators - she doesn’t fascinate for weddings. That sounds like a different sort of service

PineappleUpside · 15/04/2021 07:49

After school nannying? There is a lot of demand for that where we are and you could either find someone who would be ok with you bringing your kids or get grandparents to look after yours for 3 hours a day.
This sounds like a good idea. You could do this and your dh could get an evening job for after work and then you can all be together at the weekends.

Thatwentbadly · 15/04/2021 07:51

@Pinkwithwhite

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply. We didn't plan for 2 under 2. Actually we didn't even plan for one let alone two! My husband looking after them isn't an option, not until they are a little older. He struggles, please don't judge. That's why 12 hour shifts aren't going to work. But I'm going to look into the childminding I did the course about 8 years ago but that's definitely something I could do. Now that things are opening back up I would love to take them to groups and meet up with friends but we aren't going to be able to afford it. Wow 1st world problems, I sound like a ass!

If your husband is unwilling to learn how to look after his children while you work then he needs to get a second job.

NutellaEllaElla · 15/04/2021 07:51

You should be judging your husband for abdicating from parenting. Don't tolerate it!

Dustyhedge · 15/04/2021 07:51

I’m not convinced childminding is definitely a goer because realistically you’d be looking at school runs. Can you do that safely with 2 under 2s? Would you be able to walk to local schools or would you need to drive (in which case would you fit more than one other child in your car?

You’re going to struggle if your husband doesn’t do anything.

Iamsodonewith2020 · 15/04/2021 07:52

Supermarket. I worked 6-12 3 nights a week. We had 4 children under 6, the youngest 2 just 13m apart. Unless your husband has a physical disability then I am struggling to understand why he can’t look after them??!!

allaboutthecrisps · 15/04/2021 07:55

If possible I think you OH needs to find a way to parent his own kids. If there is some genuine reason why not, he needs to get an additional weekend job.

ChangingStates · 15/04/2021 07:55

If your husband won't look after the children maybe he should get a second job (evening or weekends) for the extra cash. Bit crap for you & the kids but if he won't look after them to enable you to work and you need the money...

moochingtothepub · 15/04/2021 07:57

Look for work you can do at home - it's poorly paid often but not having to pay for childcare will compensate.

Have you double checked you can't get any benefits? It's also worth speaking to the job centre as they can advise on courses etc you can do to be more employable. Is studying an option from September as you can get student loans and there's extra money for students who are parents, yes a loan but once your children are school aged you are ready for employment.

lovevlyt · 15/04/2021 07:57

Sorry but I'm not judging however what would happen if you said you struggled to look after your kids? Would they be given up for adoption?

Sounds like your DH is using excuses to not step up to his responsibilities as a parent to me - happens all too often in the make camp sadly.

Aside from other posters suggestions around childminding not quite sure what would allow you to still parent and work at the same time

moochingtothepub · 15/04/2021 07:58

But really you know the answer, their dad needs to watch them which combined with the grandparents means you can work

Thisyearcandoone · 15/04/2021 07:59

If your husband struggles looking after his own children, how is he going to cope having other children in your house if you become a childminder?

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