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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel like it's impossible for me to work?

131 replies

Pinkwithwhite · 14/04/2021 21:53

I have 2 under two. My husband earns enough to pay the bills but there isn't enough for anything else! So any extras are now going on the credit card.

How can I financially contribute? We can't afford childcare. Grandparents can help one day a week, maybe two at a push.

I was a nanny before children but don't want to go back to 12 hour days 5 days a week.

Any advice?
What do you do?
I've had a look on a few job sites and there's nothing unless I want to be a carer working 12 hour shifts.

OP posts:
HEYBritneyAreYouReadyy · 15/04/2021 00:11

You can definitely work. Its whether you actually want to work!

I had 2 kids 13 months apart. I worked evenings in a bar. 3 nights a week. Then when youngest was 2. I started working 10pm-6am 3 nights a week in retail. Yes its very hard and I was tired all the time (before they started school) but if you actually want to earn money, then you'll find a way of doing it.
I have never paid for childcare. My DH and I have an amazing work life balance and I get some financial independence of my own!

Reinventinganna · 15/04/2021 00:15

I did nights in a supermarket when mine were young and then retrained when they were at school. Now a nurse.

Jessica60 · 15/04/2021 00:38

@Jent13c

I understand its not for everyone but 12 hour shifts work perfectly for me for childcare. I only do 2 x 12 hour shifts a week which is a 3 day week for most people. I also tend to only work one mid week shift so get unsociable hours which takes my wage up. Also I only ever need childcare for one day a week. I also have the constant opportunity to pick up shifts when I do have some time, love doing a twilight 7-12
Where do you work that offers that please?
DandelionSprout · 15/04/2021 00:50

Truthfully I just put up with not being able to work for a couple of years. I was already exhausted by the time DH came home at 6pm, and he was exhausted too. It wouldn’t have been fair to hand him a night shift with the kids and I certainly wasn’t in any fit state to go off and do a night shift myself. I had to be in bed by 10pm otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to get up with DC the next morning. I suppose I could have done a Saturday job but that’s all. We just put up with being broke until the free childcare was available at age 3.

MixedUpFiles · 15/04/2021 01:03

Realistically you can’t work full time because you both need to sleep, but you could do evenings and/or weekends.

AnniesAmazingEyebrows · 15/04/2021 01:45

If you're going to look into jobs you can do from home or ask about on Facebook and social media just be careful to stay clear of mlms such as scentsy, fm world, body shop at home etc. They prey on women in this exact situation.

SD1978 · 15/04/2021 01:54

Night shift somewhere, split nights care work or supermarket. Early morning cleaning job, home before he leaves for work, childminder in your own home. There are options.

RiverSkater · 15/04/2021 02:01

Look at the earn £10 a day thread in Money for a start. Smile

Childminding is rewarding in every way but it takes a while to get setup.

Original poster
Pinkwithwhite · 15/04/2021 06:47

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply.
We didn't plan for 2 under 2. Actually we didn't even plan for one let alone two!
My husband looking after them isn't an option, not until they are a little older. He struggles, please don't judge. That's why 12 hour shifts aren't going to work.
But I'm going to look into the childminding I did the course about 8 years ago but that's definitely something I could do.
Now that things are opening back up I would love to take them to groups and meet up with friends but we aren't going to be able to afford it.
Wow 1st world problems, I sound like a ass!

OP posts:
OverTheRainbow88 · 15/04/2021 06:51

Don’t work evenings as you’ll have 2 under 2 all day then working evening; that sounds terrible. And you’ll never see your OH!

Childminding at home sounds good

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 15/04/2021 06:55

Your husband really will have to man up and get over "struggling" to look after his own children. Hmm

Justaonetimeting · 15/04/2021 06:55

I would consider childminding but won't your two cut into the amount of children that you can have? I think you would only be able to have one other child and so might not financially be worth you paying registration etc.

Hairyfairy01 · 15/04/2021 06:57

When mine were little I signed up to do some 'mystery shopping'. I normally got paid by gift voucher but everything helped at the time. I also did a lot of online surveys. Don't forget about eBay / marketplace selling as well, you can sometimes find some bargains on the £1 rails in charity shops and sell them on eBay etc for much more. Cleaning can be a possibility as well. I used to clean holiday homes / caravans. Sometimes I would have to take the kids with me and put them I front of the tv. Often it's only cleaning on a Saturday morning etc, and sometimes cash in hand.
As I was at home so much I spent a lot of time swapping insurances etc to cheaper deals and using cash back sites such as quid co.

Your kids are young OP, within a few years things will become much easier for you.

Justaonetimeting · 15/04/2021 06:59

I had two under two and I worked in a shop on his days off (sat and Sunday) and asked a family member to help one other day. I'm afraid he's just going to have to learn how to cope with both in the same way you did! Don't make excuses for him.
Also we got tax credits for childcare. Check that you won't get UC if you're paying over a £1000 in nursery fees. When I went full time we got nearly £500 a month in tax credits for two under threes in nursery.
I just needed to work for my sanity!

StripyHorse · 15/04/2021 06:59

Are any private nurseries recruiting? When my children were in nursery, there were quite a few nursery staff members who also had children there - I assume they had discount which means childcare might be affordable.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 15/04/2021 07:02

I would consider childminding but won't your two cut into the amount of children that you can have?

This, and lots of parents won't want to leave a younger child with someone who already has two babies of their own. But you can have far more school age children - you can earn quite a bit doing 8-9 and 3-6. Eg that's 4 hours per child at a fiver p/h if you have 4 school kids thats £80 a day and older kids entertain themselves much better, so you can just set up a craft activity or some games while they are at school, and can cook the tea in advance while your baby sleeps. Lots of websites on inexpensive nutritious meals you can make in bulk - can do a decent tea for a child for £2 a head when cooking for a few.

PurBal · 15/04/2021 07:16

I know a few people who have a Saturday job.

BullOx · 15/04/2021 07:20

Quite frankly if your husband won’t step up and be a father then you won’t be able to work.

Can he take on a second job to earn more money? Or would he ‘struggle’ doing that too.

Silverfly · 15/04/2021 07:21

If your DH is putting pressure on you to contribute financially, but struggles to look after the children so that you can work, he's being an arse.

Or is the pressure coming from yourself rather than from him? If so, maybe it's best to accept that this is the best solution for the moment and try to stop feeling guilty. Your role is a valuable one too!

notalwaysalondoner · 15/04/2021 07:24

My sister is a nanny - I think there actually is high demand for part time nannies, just a lot of parents assume they don't exist so it might take slightly longer to find a job. But if your parents can do childcare for 2 days a week, advertise yourself aggressively as being available for 2 days a week on all local facebook and nanny agency sites and see if you get somewhere. As most others have said, childminding is the other option but probably won't pay as well as nannying.

MrsBobDylan · 15/04/2021 07:27

You definitely don't sound like an ass, but your dh does I'm afraid.

He needs to skill up. What sort of person can't learnt to look after his own kids?

Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 15/04/2021 07:28

If your husband had two days off and grandparents can help for two days then you can work four days a week, nearly full time. Or actually full time if you do more hours over four days. It's entirely possible for you to work, it just seems like you don't particularly want to overcome the obvious issue of not being able to do 9-5, Monday - Friday. If your husband wants you to contribute financially then he needs to look after his own children like a big boy.

Bluntness100 · 15/04/2021 07:28

Child minding is a good shout, or a weekend job, if you’re both building up debt now you need to do something, you both need to stop using the credit card, unless you’re paying it monthly. If you’re just building up debt and can’t afford to live within your means you’re storing up a major problem,

NeilBuchananisBanksy · 15/04/2021 07:29

Well it will be impossible if your H won't do any of the parenting.

So you either go without the extras or he learns to parent his children while you work.

DiamanteFan · 15/04/2021 07:29

when I was in a vaguely similar position, I earned a small amount of money doing online surveys (pinecone research/yougov) and mystery shopping.