It’s my birthday and DH ruined it

[JM55]

I’m sitting here in a flood of tears. Hungry (because he specifically told me not to cook and proceeded to be really shitty with me). He didn’t order food.
He never makes me feel special and today is another day. I am beginning to dread special days, My whole family is abroad, I deeply miss them today and I don’t know what to do.

[NormanSicily]

The sabotage is real.
Take back control, you do NOT have to endure this shitty half life. Leave. In the mean time, do not let him make plans for 'special' days in the interim, make your own plans with friends.

He's a cunt that does not deserve you.

[sandgrown]

If I was your close friend and you were so upset I would want you to ring me . Could you arrange to meet a close friend and talk it through. Decide if your relationship is worth continuing. Could you book to go see your family when restrictions are lifted ? Make it your birthday present to you x

[dodiebantock]

JM55. . I really do feel for you. I too have sad experience of this. You say you “just want to be loved” - well you are never going to get if off this man. You deserve so much more. (please don’t say you ever make a fuss of him on his birthday).

I would remember this and disregard his future birthdays. I would tell him you were not doing anything for him as from his behaviour he clearly dislikes birthdays.

If this is a pattern of his bad behaviour - does he have form for spoiling nice occasions? If so think of all those future bleak occasions. A friend’s husband is a champion at this. He never misses an opportunity to wreck every birthday, holiday, Christmas. He can be guaranteed to “fall down” every time she wants to go out with friends.

You sound such a lovely person you just do not deserve such unkindness.

[LouiseTrees]

@JM55

Thanks for the wishes lovely people.

I’m still hungry, but I don’t feel like eating :( He was arguing (Despite me telling him to stop and leave me alone) and used a few small swear words too. It only gets worse.
Takeaways are now closed :(

He couldn’t hold things together ONE FUCKING DAY. I don’t know if that’s too much to expect. ONE DAY. Just a nice conversation, a take away and a nice movie. Is that too much to ask?

I only wanted to feel loved.

It is not too much to ask, he should be embarrassed not you, your friends would tell you he’s emotionally abusive.

[DispensingShitAdviceSince2002]

He is too horrible for words, OP. Being lonely and unloved within a relationship is infinitely worse than being on your own. Bin him.

[likeamillpond]

OP because he ruined your birthday is it possible to pick another dayvery soon and make that day your Birthday?
Arrange to meet up with a friend for cake and coffee, stop off somewhere and buy a present for yourself. Finish off with a walk somewhere beautiful of your choice.
Spoil yourself.
You could even do it on your own!

[billy1966]

Make this the last special occasion that he makes you feel like this.

If you stay, this is your life forever, and only worse if you have children with him.

[toolazytothinkofausername]

I'm sorry you had a terrible birthday.

Is it special occasions your DH is bad at, or is he a bad husband all the time?

If he is bad all the time, you need to leave him. Life is too short.

If he is only bad at special occasions, like my DH, then you need to leave him out of celebrations and celebrate with friends instead. Find a restaurant with outdoor seating and invite some friends to celebrate with you this week without your DH.

[littleredberries]

I could have written this post. Sorry op 😔

[LookItsMeAgain]

Belated happy birthday.

Did he give any reason why he told you not to cook and then he didn't either arrange food to be delivered or to cook himself??
That seems such a strange thing to do, tell someone not to cook (especially if they do the majority of the cooking) and not provide any sort of alternative.

My advice would be to make this the last birthday he is going to ruin. Put in place whatever you need to, to make sure that this type of thing doesn't happen again.

[Lovemusic33]

Happy birthday for yesterday, my ex was like this too, never made any effort.

If I was you I would order myself a take away tonight, go buy yourself a cake. Don’t order him anything, don’t cook him anything, if he asks what your doing tell him your making up for him being a twat and your celebrating your birthday without him. Don’t put up with it, I’m now single and celebrate my birthday with my dc’s by buying myself a present and a take away, it’s much nicer 😁

[Chaotica]

Happy Birthday for yesterday, OP. I've been in this situation too. It's awful. The man in question is now my ex.

I agree with what @Lovemusic33 suggests.

Take charge of your own birthdays in future and treat yourself (and if he is like this often, it's time to get him out of your life).

[TeapotCollection]

Another one who has been there. Ruining my birthday was one of my ex’s favourite annual events. Leave him, you’ll be so much happier without him. You deserve so much better 💐

[JM55]

He is still arguing with me. He still doesn’t get it, still wondering how exactly he ruined my day. Even I don’t get it.
I don’t know what his problem is, I can’t leave right now as we have kids etc. But I really feel trapped in this relationship. I never felt special being with him, I really don’t know why I’m with him. Why you won’t make an effort for your own wife is beyond me. How can anyone be so selfish, that one evening of “nice time” is too much, even if he not in a mood for it, why won’t you just go along ONE EVENING??

We moved here for Uni and stayed back. All our family is abroad. We moved last year to be closer to kids schools as they were struggling with the commute. It’s closer to both out workplaces too. But it means, we are 15miles away from friends. It all makes me feel really lonely.

[Swordfish1]

You don't have to stay married to a total arse for the sake of the kids.
What kind of message are they getting if he's arguing with you all the time and treating you like shit?
If you are unhappy, chances are they have or very soon will pick up on this and this is not healthy for them.

[Swordfish1]

Happy birthday for yesterday by the way.
Can you go out and get yourself a nice lunch today?

[MrsElijahMikaelson1]

Happy birthday.
You don’t have to stay and put up with it-you really don’t. Use today as day one of leave and getter a better life plan. Start saving and getting ducks in a row without discussing it with him as I don’t think that would go well long term. When you’re ready and able to leave-do so.

[MrsElijahMikaelson1]

Get a not made up word getter

[Ilovewillow]

Happy Birthday (belated)! You deserve better, don't write this off use it to decide what you want and go for it. Don't let him still be making you feel like this next birthday.

[LagunaBubbles]

can’t leave right now as we have kids etc

I dont mean to sound harsh here but the longer you stay with this arse the longer you risk exposing your children to emotional damage, it won't be easy but of course you can leave!

[ceilingsand]

He knows perfectly well what he did.

[babbaloushka]

Happy belated birthday OP, you deserve so much better.

[averylongtimeago]

Where are your family? Would it be possible to "go on holiday " at some point this year and just stay there?
Make plans OP, this sort of behaviour won't improve and it's no way to bring up children.

[GNCQ]

So sorry to hear this OP.
I agree with PP make sure this is the last birthday of yours he is invited to. He sounds pointless (apart from kids sake, but kids are really adaptable they adjust to anything).

[RomeWasBuiltInADay]

My ex husband didn't "bother with birthdays ". Actually he did, just not mine. So great to now be excited about birthdays, having fun, feeling a bit special.