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AIBU?

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Original poster

It’s my birthday and DH ruined it

149 replies

JM55 · 14/04/2021 21:21

I’m sitting here in a flood of tears. Hungry (because he specifically told me not to cook and proceeded to be really shitty with me). He didn’t order food.
He never makes me feel special and today is another day. I am beginning to dread special days, My whole family is abroad, I deeply miss them today and I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 14/04/2021 22:17

Is it always worse on your birthday, mothers day, Xmas? Basically any day where he has to not be the centre of attention?

I know a few people like this, one being my exH. He LOATHED not being CoA all the time, but because he hated the thought of people thinking less of him he would make it all about him by going completely OTT and then making sue everyone knew what a fuss he had made of me. So it still ended up being his day......

And it wasnt just those days, he was just worse on those days. I bet he is monumentally selfish in others ways too when you sit and think about it.

Cagedbirdsinging · 14/04/2021 22:17

FlowersCakeWine
Happy birthday OP .
(Husbands can be SO disappointing)

HollowTalk · 14/04/2021 22:18

He does this deliberately, doesn't he?

Do you have children together?

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/04/2021 22:19

@Cagedbirdsinging

FlowersCakeWine Happy birthday OP . (Husbands can be SO disappointing)
Only if you let them. Personally no amount of love I had for someone could survive them clearly not giving a shiny shite about me.
Horehound · 14/04/2021 22:20

What's his reason for not ordering food?

LizzieSiddal · 14/04/2021 22:21

Does it matter?

Someone who genuinely cares for you is t someone who's nice most of the time but purposely ruins a special day.

No it doesn’t matter. I was genuinely wanting the OP to think about when he is horrible to her, because I’m pretty sure it isn’t just on her birthday.

KoalaOok · 14/04/2021 22:22

I had an ex who absolutely ruined my 30th birthday. We had gone on holiday and I wanted to see certain sights and he just wanted us to get drunk. I didn't want to get drunk and have a hangover and he just shouted at me in the middle of the town and I ended up with tears streaming down my face. I spent 3 more years with him. I wish I'd left that night. Please be brave, you deserve better.

KoalaOok · 14/04/2021 22:23

How easy would it be for you to fly back to your family? Is it allowed under covid rules? You should be with people who love you. X

Catdogmum · 14/04/2021 22:25

So sorry to read this. This sort of thing was a key factor in my ex becoming an ex so I know how you feel. Hope you can find a way to make the rest of the week special without involving him Flowers

2020nymph · 14/04/2021 22:27

Happy birthday @JM55

Hope you've had some food now and salvage the last few hours of your birthday. Please take some time to think if he is worthy of you, because at the moment he sounds like an arsehole.

DeeCeeCherry · 14/04/2021 22:28

Happy Birthday OP. Can you order a takeaway and some wine for yourself? Don't let him see that he's brought you down. Celebrate yourself and who you are.

Make a decision that you won't be with someone who doesn't see you as special. Life goes on the world still turns, there's no need to waste your life with a man who drags you down.

Ask yourself - do you want to grow old with him?

Shoxfordian · 14/04/2021 22:33

Happy Birthday
Give yourself a great next birthday and divorce him

Wineat5isfine · 14/04/2021 22:34

Happy birthday! So sorry to hear your DH was a dick tonight...

Can you postpone celebrations til tmrw and celebrate then instead? Dinner in / out...alone for some quiet time or with friends?

Haveyoubrushedyourteeth · 14/04/2021 22:40

Happy Birthday OP, I know from experience that it's shit and it makes you feel completely worthless.

The only advice I can give is to make absolutely sure that he doesn't get chance to ruin another one. Next year book something with friends and enjoy yourself. That's what I did after my 40th only warranted a bunch of crap flowers that I was meant to be wetting my knickers thrilled with! I got the whole "but dd will want to see you so I think you're being unfair" which was actually the final straw and after years of telling myself that his lack of effort didn't really matter I absolutely lost my shit and told him he was on very thin ice.

Since then hes made a bit of an effort, and whilst the rest of our marriage is on the whole very happy I'll never forgive him for ruining what should have been a really memorable birthday for the right reasons. Instead, like you, I cried buckets and felt like there must have been something wrong with me, there wasn't and there isn't with you, it's them x

wewereliars · 14/04/2021 22:40

I had years of this from my ex, he also ruined Christmasses, kid's birthdays, family trips and holidays and visits by my family. It's not you, it's him. You deserve better Flowers

Ilikegherkins · 14/04/2021 22:41

Happy Birthday
💐
🎂

flumposie · 14/04/2021 22:43

Happy birthday.

everythingbackbutyou · 14/04/2021 22:47

Happy birthday, OP. Another one chiming in to say I have also been in your shoes and praise God he is now officially my ex husband. Did you move abroad from your family or did they move? I ask because the tedious assholes like your husband very often have a history of persuading you to move far away from your family.

everythingbackbutyou · 14/04/2021 22:48

My last birthday with him, he left me to treat my 3 children for headlice while he fucked off to the gym...

Original poster
JM55 · 14/04/2021 22:50

Thanks for the wishes lovely people.

I’m still hungry, but I don’t feel like eating :( He was arguing (Despite me telling him to stop and leave me alone) and used a few small swear words too. It only gets worse.
Takeaways are now closed :(

He couldn’t hold things together ONE FUCKING DAY. I don’t know if that’s too much to expect. ONE DAY. Just a nice conversation, a take away and a nice movie. Is that too much to ask?

I only wanted to feel loved.

OP posts:
LittleTiger007 · 14/04/2021 22:51

Happy Birthday! 🎂💐🥂 sorry it’s been so shit. Xx

Pebbledashery · 14/04/2021 22:51

Happy birthday op xxx

WiddlinDiddlin · 14/04/2021 22:51

No, its not too much to ask at all.

Give yourself the best birthday present ever - start sorting things out so you can leave him.

This man doesn't love you. He's an arsehole and you deserve better.

Dontjudgeme101 · 14/04/2021 22:54

Happy Birthdsy op. Sorry that you weren’t spoilt today.Ypu deserve to be spoint. I know it’s not the same, but why don’t you have a takeaway tomorrow as you missed out on one today. 💐

percheron67 · 14/04/2021 22:59

Happy Birthday from me. Buy yourself a Birthday Treat. Men are so horrid at times. One Christmas when I had saved for ages to buy him a Dior shirt and aftershave, he had bought me oven cleaner, dusters and some polish!! I could never forget that. One tip - put together some money for YOUR future and then you can leave if you want to. Best Wishes.