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AIBU?

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Original poster

Adult son pushing my patience to the limit.

144 replies

Welshgal78 · 14/04/2021 18:03

I'm seriously at the end of my tether! Just had another massive row with my ds (20) he's being incredibly inconsiderate and selfish at the moment, making lots of noise every night til gone 5am, chatting to his American friends on-line

Just now he handed me ear plugs he'd ordered online, I shouldn't need ear plugs in my own home, because of my own ds, I've had to use them in the past because of inconsiderate neighbours who don't care, but I feel like my ds should care that he's waking me up early hours almost every night because he's too lazy to type to his friends instead of talking (loudly)

I tried to compromise with him and said please no noise after 2:30am on weekdays, I thought that was more than fair, but now he's stormed off to his room again telling me I'm being unreasonable. He's 20 not 2 but it feels like these days the only person he cares about is himself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Welshgal78 · 14/04/2021 18:39

It's an unusual situation I've found myself in, he was living with his dad in what used to be the martial home, I had been forced by my exh to move out.

His dad died when he was 15 and my son inherited the tenancy but was too young to live there alone so I moved back in.
I wish I had said "no thanks" to the housing association and just found a two bed flat for me and my ds, because fast forward 5 years, it's now a joint tenancy (so he can't kick me out) but I also can't ask him to leave and it feels like he has no intention of moving out.

I can't afford to move out at the moment but am looking of ways to do that. My son wouldn't be able to afford the rent on his own and would have to move out too and find somewhere else to live.

I have said that I'm going to unplug the home hub at night if he can't be quiet, but I fear that's just going to make his behaviour more unbearable, he's currently blasting out his rap music.

I feel trapped.

OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 14/04/2021 18:41

You need a serious chat. 'Son, this isn't working. If we don't find a compromise, I'll have to move out and you'll struggle to manage the rent alone. What shall we do?'.

Mintjulia · 14/04/2021 18:42

Yep, router off and hidden under your bed. Smile

What a selfish brat. Time for a few home truths and possibly for him to find his own place at market rent.

Meowchickameowmeow · 14/04/2021 18:43

Does he go out to work/study? Are you afraid of him?

Mintjulia · 14/04/2021 18:45

Who pays the broadband bill op?

He's old enough for you to leave him. That would be my choice.

C152 · 14/04/2021 18:46

I'd be pretty harsh in your situation. He's in his 20s. If he can't be bothered to respect the (very reasonable) rules in your house, then he can move out.

ItsAllBlahBlahBlah · 14/04/2021 18:46

Gosh that sounds awful OP. You can't continue with this, 2.30am is way too late, I couldn't cope with that. It sounds like you're being held hostage by him. I think you need to have a serious chat and also make sure you are getting your own ducks in a row to live separately

DoingItMyself · 14/04/2021 18:47

It sounds like you are living with your abuser, or potential abuser. Extricate yourself. Are you committed to paying for the accommodation if you move out?

IEat · 14/04/2021 18:47

My DS is a night owl, the bloody laughter and his loud voice all hours of the night . We’re in a tiny flat so there’s no escape

C152 · 14/04/2021 18:48

Oops, sorry, just read your update. It does sound like a really difficult situation for you and, as awful as it is, I think saving to move out is your best bet. Have you told him that unless he modifies his behaviour, you're going to leave and, as he can't afford the place on his own, he will have to find somewhere else to live too?

HollowTalk · 14/04/2021 18:49

Is it just the two of you there?

Are you working? Isn't there any way you could give up your tenancy and go somewhere else? You must feel desperate.

LucyLocketsPocket · 14/04/2021 18:49

Kick him out

IEat · 14/04/2021 18:49

TBF on my son he just gets over excited with his gaming mates. He does quiten down when I say he’s too loud.

Bellyundertit · 14/04/2021 18:49

I wouldntkick my son out. This world is an interesting place. Be honest can you actually hear him? Or is it that you are obsessive about him and check out for him?

Purplealienpuke · 14/04/2021 18:52

Welshgal that sounds like a really difficult situation for you.
Do you have somewhere you can go overnight for some respite? I know it's not the solution but you sound like you really need a break before things kick off.
Turning off the WiFi or removing the fuse for your sons room may be a temporary solution but one that is likely to cause an angry reaction.
If this is a council/housing association property can you have a meeting with a housing officer and explain the situation, its clearly not working for either of you and ultimately damaging your relationship further.
Are your neighbours complaining? 💐

Insomnia5 · 14/04/2021 18:52

Who’s paying the internet bill

HollowTalk · 14/04/2021 18:52

@Bellyundertit She says in the OP making lots of noise every night til gone 5am

Why are you assuming she can't hear him? They're in a two bed flat and he's making a lot of noise.

Insomnia5 · 14/04/2021 18:52

Also does he work?

EileenGC · 14/04/2021 18:53

My son wouldn't be able to afford the rent on his own

He’ll have to get a job then. And alter his sleeping habits as unless he’s working night shifts, I don’t imagine him being very productive after a 5am bedtime. My employer would ask me to leave ASAP if I turned up at work on 2 hours’ sleep regularly.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 14/04/2021 18:53

He sounds like a completely selfish prick. 2:30am was ridiculous if you’re operating on standard hours.

niceupthedance · 14/04/2021 18:55

He should be paying you rent and you can save it to move out.

Lollypop4 · 14/04/2021 18:55

@FionnulaTheCooler

YANBU. Your house, your rules. If he doesn't like it he's old enough to get a job and find a place to rent, or a room in a flat share.
This
bloodyhell19 · 14/04/2021 18:58

2.30 on a weekday is just taking the piss now to be honest. I'd take the router and hide it (or fling it out the top window, your choice.) He's acting like a 10 year old and he has no respect for you or the home - does he carry on like that with anyone else or just you he has no regard for? He needs a good dose of reality.

Janaih · 14/04/2021 18:59

You poor thing what an awful situation.
It sounds like working towards moving out is your only option here. I hope things improve for you Flowers

moochingtothepub · 14/04/2021 19:03

Is he chatting to my dd? Driving me mad. I've threatened to turn on the parental controls on the WiFi at midnight!