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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband won't share things with me

144 replies

Roomuma · 13/04/2021 19:29

Dh said he won't share the netflix password with me because I'm a 'blabber mouth'.
This led onto him saying that he doesn't share loads of things with me because he worries I'll talk about it with someone else.
I am quite an open person with certain people (best friends, my mum etc.) and he is not like this. However when he asks me to keep things private I do try my best, a couple of times I have accidentally let small things slip but these have been genuine mistakes. I supposed this is what he means by blabber mouth and I understand how he feels but all the same I feel like I'm being treated like a child.

OP posts:

winifredwells · 14/04/2021 11:46

However when he asks me to keep things private I do try my best,

you are an adult, you don't "try your best", you just keep your mouth shut!

I don't blame your DH at all frankly. If he can't trust you to keep things for yourself, what else can he do than not tell you?

Most people would do the same.

Bluntness100 · 14/04/2021 11:49

I think it’s shit he won’t share the password, but isn’t your device just logged in? Why do you need it?

But I’m with the others, I don’t understand how you can let things slip by accident. If you agree not to say something you don’t. You don’t have to “try your best” unless you have additional needs.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 14/04/2021 11:51

Honestly OP, just because you dont think they're big things to share (gossip), doesnt mean you should tell other people. If you're husband doesnt want you to share things, then you shouldnt. Even if you think they're little things and not personal information. This is a trust issue, and much bigger than just a Netflix password.

GintyMcGinty · 14/04/2021 11:54

he won't share the netflix password with me

that is bad

when he asks me to keep things private I do try my best, a couple of times I have accidentally let small things slip but these have been genuine mistakes

However this is appalling.

I don't blame him.

littlepattilou · 14/04/2021 12:15

@Roomuma

A very resounding YABU from me.

I love DH to bits, I really do, but fuck me, he loves a bit of drama, and gossip, and I would never tell him anything I didn't want anyone else to know, because he can't keep 'juicy' information, and 'gossip' to himself.

I have confided in him a number of times, about certain things, and to not tell ANYONE, not even DD. On half a dozen or so occasions, when we saw her/met up with her, he blabbed what I had told him. I was fucking fuming. He sometimes blabs to his workmates too.

Nothing super personal, but eg, when we had a neighbour noise issue, and it was upsetting me and him too, and we were thinking of reporting them to the council for noise nuisance... I said 'don't go telling anyone, it's our business and no-one else's PLUS a couple of people at your work know the man in the couple who live next door!' Soooo, within the blink of an eye, he had blabbed our 'neighbour issue' to Sharon at work, who told, Christine, who told Mark, who knew the fucking neighbour. I was livid.

I do love him, and we share finances, and household stuff, and have a good marriage, (with ups and downs like everyone else,) but I NEVER tell him anything I wouldn't want anyone else to know. Because he can't keep his mouth shut.

DishingOutDone · 14/04/2021 12:32

How the AF is mentioning the uncle's job amounting to the OP being a "blabbermouth" - the very use of the phrase shows the contempt OP's DH has for her; seemingly shared by a lot of other posters who have piled in about keeping "your mouth shut" -- are we all in Eastenders?!

Its a bit of leap from her sharing mundane stuff like this in conversation to insisting that she must have told everyone about his weight and relationship stuff ...?! if they are both paying for Netflix then she has a right to the password!

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 14/04/2021 12:49

@DishingOutDone

No - its about OPs husband asking her not to share info, and OP doing it anyway. Its a trust issue, even if you think the issue is 'mundane'.

Fatarseflanagan09 · 14/04/2021 14:09

I can’t understand why you would want to tell anyone the Netflix password, do you say ooh we’ve got Netflix and guess what the password is?
I couldn’t be doing with anyone who can’t keep their gob shut, it seems a bit childish and silly, maybe you should grow up and stop gossiping if you want to be trusted.

Umbivalent · 14/04/2021 15:35

You're projecting there, aren't you?

I don't understand your point @HollowTalk. What/how am I projecting?

Aprilx · 14/04/2021 15:40

@AhNowTed

Jesus have the previous posters missed that this is a Netflix account.

Not exactly the code to the safe.

Yes OP he is being utterly ridiculous.

Why would anyone have missed that, it is there in black and white.

What is really strange is that her DH finds the need and it suggests she is likely to share the password around so other people use their account. It doesn’t sound like he is not sharing it so as to restrict her ow viewing, now that would be concerning.

I don’t know the password to our Netflix account, never needed it.

emilyfrost · 14/04/2021 15:52

YABU. If you can’t be trusted not to let things slip then of course he’s going to treat you with kid gloves and be careful what he tells you.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 14/04/2021 15:56

There is no such thing as letting things slip when you've been asked to keep something confidential, you can only tell someone if you want to.
Not sure why you need the Netflix password though. I don't know ours, everything is always just logged in.

pepsicolagirl · 14/04/2021 16:01

@Umbivalent

Why do you even need to know the Netflix password? Once he's logged you in on the TV or computer, you're sorted.

Why do you need it?

seriously?!

This is nuts. Not sharing the netflix password or the wifi one or whatever is NOT the same as not confiding in someone because they might be a little loose lipped

OP is he controlling in other areas too? It's weird

picklemewalnuts · 14/04/2021 16:05

This is really weird.

Why don't people find the husband's behaviour strange? He's controlling his wife's access to a household service for no good reason at all. Using her failure to remember what she is and isn't allowed to talk about as a stick to beat her with.

What else does he control, OP?

lboogy · 14/04/2021 16:24

I don't blame him. My DH has is blabber mouth so I tend not to tell him things either

Bluntness100 · 14/04/2021 16:30

Yes I’m not sure why the op needs the password either. Our tv is logged in. My daughters computer. It stays logged in. You don’t enter the password each time

And the issue about the uncles job is not what the op told, it’s the fact her husband specifically asked her not to say he’d been looking him up on LinkedIn and she then went and said. If she didn’t wish to she should have told him, but she should have not agreed to say nothing, then immediately told them declared she’d done her best.

Lifeisforalimitedperiodonly · 14/04/2021 16:44

If you look anyone up on Linked in - you know. You can see when you go online exactly who has been viewing your profile. It's how my DD found out her ex was seeing what job she had.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 14/04/2021 16:48

Linkedin doesn't shoelw it if you go anonymously.

SparrowNest · 14/04/2021 16:48

I would be super annoyed about the uncle thing as well, he specifically asked you not to tell anyone because it embarrasses him a lot, and you did it. If there have been a few incidents like that, I do get him being pissed off. Some of the other respondents seem to be going overboard in their condemnation of you, though.

Regardless, the Netflix password isn’t something he actually has the right to withhold and I’m surprised how many people think that’s ok. If you do share it, and he has to change it to stop half a dozen people using it so he can never watch what he wants, he has the right to say I told you so and get a bit pissy, but it’s hardly such a grave issue that he’s justified in withholding from the get go.

sammylady37 · 14/04/2021 17:02

I ended a friendship over someone blabbing something I had expressly asked her to keep to herself. It was something deeply personal I had confided in a friend, and I’d asked her not to tell anyone, even her DH, and she swore blind she wouldn’t tell a soul. A few weeks later she not only told her DH, but did it in front of me saying “oh I know you won’t mind if he knows, sure it’s only DH, he won’t tell anyone” and made a big joke out of the whole thing. It was so disrespectful and dismissive of me, and a big betrayal. It was the end of our friendship.

Original poster

Roomuma · 26/02/2022 13:09

Anybody recognise this bug?
It’s all dead and dried up but I found it when cleaning my children’s bedroom.

OP posts:

Momicrone · 26/02/2022 13:16

God he sounds hard work petty and controlling

Gowithme · 26/02/2022 13:23

Why didn't you start a new thread OP? Being a blabbermouth to dried up bugs is quite the leap.

Metalguru22 · 26/02/2022 13:26

Op's ZOMBIED her thread with a bug.

GoogleWhacked · 26/02/2022 13:45

@Gowithme

Why didn't you start a new thread OP? Being a blabbermouth to dried up bugs is quite the leap.

😆🤣🪲🪲

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