Husband won't share things with me

[Roomuma]

Dh said he won't share the netflix password with me because I'm a 'blabber mouth'.
This led onto him saying that he doesn't share loads of things with me because he worries I'll talk about it with someone else.
I am quite an open person with certain people (best friends, my mum etc.) and he is not like this. However when he asks me to keep things private I do try my best, a couple of times I have accidentally let small things slip but these have been genuine mistakes. I supposed this is what he means by blabber mouth and I understand how he feels but all the same I feel like I'm being treated like a child.

I wouldn't be with someone like you. Yes you are like a child who can't keep her mouth closed. Seriously, you find it hard to do that? I don't blame your dh.

I can keep a secret but it's everybody I tell who can't seem to keep it to themselves.

@slashlover

I'd explain dh didn't want me to do that if anyone asked. Unlike the thing about my uncle a password is not something you could accidentally let slip in conversation.

So you'd blame your DH instead of just saying No?

My thoughts too.

And - 'if anyone asked'? Sounds as if you half-expect to be asked. Your husband expects it too, hence not telling you the password.

So - you 'let things slip'. Are you also surrounded by family/friends who are nosey and keep interrogating you for things like Netflix passwords and everything you've done /said / heard / seen in the last 24 hours?

@umbivalent that is a very good point.
If it genuinely is just the odd minor thing that's understandable but yeah I understand your point. Breaches of trust would really upset me and if it is a regular then then OP's husband sounds very patient.

I am not a gossip nor do I share dh personal information.
He is a very private person and I am not, the very few times I have said things they have been genuine accidents. It has never been anything very personal like health or job etc, it was small things (As I said, he's a very private person.) Not that it makes it ok, I do have to do better. However I don't think him deciding he can't trust me with Netflix passwords or anything else for that matter is reasonable.
It is a relationship, we have both made mistakes and are always learning and growing. Neither of us is without fault in our relationship. I have said I will not give out the password, and I wouldn't.

Also, yes, LinkedIn scenario was a genuine accident. My dh was there. It came out when we were talking with my mum and I looked at dh as soon as it did because I realised what I'd done and was like 'oh, shit'. I guess I have to admit the person who said I wasn't thinking before I speak was correct, that's exactly what happened

But OP you also said you wouldn’t share the other stuff, yet you did. Maybe he needs to see actions rather than words to restore his trust? You seem to be passing off your loose talk as nothing to us, presumably you are similarly dismissive with him and like you said, he is a very private person who clearly doesn’t like your behaviour

Having said that, the Netflix password is a ridiculous place for him to start asserting his feelings on your lack of boundaries

Nope, you're in the wrong. I don't blame him.

The Netflix password is a bit weird but I get the rest. I’m very private. I don’t share much with friends or family. I would be really pissed off if my DH discussed private stuff with anyone.

Ok well (although the name calling from certain users wasn't necessary) thank you for all the different perspectives and for the advice. Much appreciate 😊 it has been helpful

You say you just give away 'small things' but if they're about somebody else then you have no business doing that. If you're saying that it's about yourself only then your husband wouldn't be saying this, would he?

I think the crux is that he's a private person - and you're not. His way trumps yours because it's information not about you that you are divulging to others.

That's how I see it anyway. I would be really annoyed if my husband would repeat goodness knows what information that was nobody else's business.

As PP says - why do you need the Netflix password? Once it's programmed in, it's in, isn't it?

I don’t think it matters that they were small things, he asked you not to repeat and you did it anyway. It shows blatant disregard for his wishes. I wouldn’t give you the password either.

Clearly you need to be more careful. But who pays for the Netflix? If its shared funds the surely he has no right to withhold it from you?

@Umbivalent

Come on OP. It's not just that, is it? You yourself said "a couple of times".

Exactly this, once is an accidental slip,. More than once is deliberate

It is shared funds, yes.

A passwords not necessarily something that will come up in conversation but the fact you were watching whatever on Netflix and it’s great might do. Then there’s the “ooh we don’t have Netflix” from the other person and you might suggest they use your account.

Or you might log in on someone else’s device. Etc. Which will screw up the algorothm and might (unless you’ve paid for multiple screens) mean your account gets closed.

I set up Netflix and dh doesn’t know the password. He doesn’t need to. It’s logged in on our tv. We don’t log out. He can still watch it.

Wow, most of these guys are harsh. Personally I think not sharing passwords with you is controlling and possibly the hint of financially abusive - but not enough info here to know if that's true. Controlling what you say in a way that makes you scared to chat happily to people close to you in case you accidently say something he classes as secret could also be the move of someone controlling and abusive. I've been there if so. Its not a good way to live.

The husband sounds pretty horrible to me. I presume the OP is an equal partner in their household (surely this is a given in any ok relationship) and therefore the husband has no right to withhold the password from her.

Calling someone a ‘blabber mouth’ is nasty. Especially given the update about one very minor specific incident. I know lots of you have decided the OP is hiding many incidents of letting secrets slip, but there is no evidence of that.

The Netflix password probably isn’t the place he’s started, it’s probably the last straw. OP, you’re one of those people I wouldn’t tell the time of day to, you can’t be trusted not to ‘accidentally let something slip’ I wouldn’t trust you...

Tell him you will stop the DD unless he gives it you it’s shared funds paying for it. If for some reason you let the password out which is unlikely it’s not the same as chatting about family etc and letting slip his uncle is in insurance or whatever. It takes moments to change the password.

Jesus this thread is weird calling the OP a nasty gossip etc poor man having a gossipy shrew partner don’t give her the bank details she will spend all your money on silly girl things like shoes and magazines.
Its control and a bit odd OP I wouldn’t have shared funds if my DH pulled anything like this, also do you want to be with someone so secretive and paranoid about what you say?
From your post if you are being honest it’s not like you have talked about private financial matters or sex life just family life with your family not even the neighbour or a random.

@ilovebagpuss

Agree. People have taken a huge leap with the OP. It's ridiculous.

@Umbivalent

I am quite an open person with certain people (best friends, my mum etc.)

I mean, this sounds like a nightmare. I bet you tell all these other people about your arguments, his health issues, what someone said/did to him at work, his weight problem, etc etc...

You're projecting there, aren't you?

If my DP told someone something I had said in confidence. I would beyond livid.
It’s not about “being really open” with a few close friends it’s about respecting the wishes of the person that it actually effects.

I think you need to take heed of what he's telling you.

I wouldn't stay with DH if he couldn't keep his mouth shut when I'd asked him to.

My partner is a blabbermouth. It's caused some quite serious problems, particularly with his parents - he's told them extremely personal stuff about me, stuff that I haven't shared even with my own mother. They also know all about his financial situation...as I've said to him, do you know all about their finances? He can't seem to get his head around the idea that once you are an adult you don't need to share EVERYTHING with your parents. He's 50...

So sorry, I agree with your husband in this situation. You have proven that you can't be trusted with private information, so your access to it has been limited. I've done exactly the same with my partner.