Husband won't share things with me

[Roomuma]

Dh said he won't share the netflix password with me because I'm a 'blabber mouth'.
This led onto him saying that he doesn't share loads of things with me because he worries I'll talk about it with someone else.
I am quite an open person with certain people (best friends, my mum etc.) and he is not like this. However when he asks me to keep things private I do try my best, a couple of times I have accidentally let small things slip but these have been genuine mistakes. I supposed this is what he means by blabber mouth and I understand how he feels but all the same I feel like I'm being treated like a child.

I've got a similar person in my family. You cannot tell them a single thing because it will always be shared with everyone else, irrespective of how personal that information is. I simply don't tell them anything now, and then their feelings are hurt if/when they find things out after the fact.

The Netflix password is obviously an extreme example of that, but I bet you'd tell all your family and he wouldn't even be able to log on to watch, despite paying for it.

I guess, work on being more circumspect or continue to be treated like a child? Sounds mean but if you can't keep a secret why would he confide anything in you?

When you say you've let things slip, were they things he'd asked you not to tell? Or that he just felt were private?

If it's the first, that's not on. If it's the second, you have some sympathy from me. My ex is incredibly private, and he'd get really annoyed at sharing fairly innocuous things that most people wouldn't mind (e.g. mentioning in passing to a good friend that he was taking up running and trying to get fitter).

when he asks me to keep things private I do try my best, a couple of times I have accidentally let small things slip but these have been genuine mistakes. I supposed this is what he means by blabber mouth and I understand how he feels but all the same I feel like I'm being treated like a child.

tbh you are kind of acting like a child. Or at least someone who does things accidentally on purpose. Things don't /really/ 'accidentally slip out'. They just don't. I'm not surprised he doesn't trust you to keep private thins private when you have shown him repeatedly that you can't be trusted to keep private things private! How would you like it if he kept sharing your secrets to his mates or his mum?

So, would you share the password or not?

Jesus have the previous posters missed that this is a Netflix account.

Not exactly the code to the safe.

Yes OP he is being utterly ridiculous.

@AhNowTed

Jesus have the previous posters missed that this is a Netflix account.

Not exactly the code to the safe.

Yes OP he is being utterly ridiculous.

And once said password to the Netflix account has been shared around, and he tries to login to his own account but can't because someone else is already watching it... That's OK, is it?

@Roomuma

Dh said he won't share the netflix password with me because I'm a 'blabber mouth'. This led onto him saying that he doesn't share loads of things with me because he worries I'll talk about it with someone else. I am quite an open person with certain people (best friends, my mum etc.) and he is not like this. However when he asks me to keep things private I do try my best, a couple of times I have accidentally let small things slip but these have been genuine mistakes. I supposed this is what he means by blabber mouth and I understand how he feels but all the same I feel like I'm being treated like a child.

Sounds like you don’t think before you speak!

@AhNowTed

Jesus have the previous posters missed that this is a Netflix account.

Not exactly the code to the safe.

Yes OP he is being utterly ridiculous.

I think the Netflix password is symptomatic of the bigger issue though, and that is OP can't keep any sort of secret and as a result her partner has stopped sharing info with her. That's the crux of the issue: the password is just the end result.

@AhNowTed

Jesus have the previous posters missed that this is a Netflix account.

Not exactly the code to the safe.

Yes OP he is being utterly ridiculous.

People share Netflix passwords a lot - and he clearly thinks Op would be ‘helpful’ by telling her mum, sister, best mate, a few mums at school and then he will have to faff about re-setting it when he can’t access it. I wouldn’t tell her either if I thought she’d tell her friends and family!

I think he's being ridiculous about the password.

But I suspect he's pissed off at something else (what kind of things do you let slip?) and he's taken it out on you.

@AhNowTed

Jesus have the previous posters missed that this is a Netflix account.

Not exactly the code to the safe.

Yes OP he is being utterly ridiculous.

‘He doesn’t share loads of things with me because he worries I’ll take about it with someone else’.

‘He asks me to keep things quiet but I let things slip’.

The op is a nasty gossip who betrays her husbands trust, even when he’s specifically asked not to.

This is not just about a Netflix account, though by the sounds of things he’s got good reason not to give her the password

I imagine he is fed up with having to preceed everything with "dont tell everyone " and just wants a conversation without you telling your mum/best friend/ neighbour etc. And that the Netflix password is just the final straw.

Behave like a child, get treated like one. "I try my best" isn't good enough, you've proven to him you can't be trusted to keep things private, so he's made the decision to only tell you things he's happy for you to share with everyone.

Its a common approach people advise for people's blabber mouth parents. He shouldn't have to take this approach with his wife, but what else is he supposed to do?

But more importantly if he can’t trust you with a password Op, how much can he trust you with his innermost worries and concerns? Would he tell you about health issues if he didn’t want your family and friends knowing, if case it ‘slips out’?

Maybe time for a proper heart to heart with him and take on board what he’s saying. It’s not ok if you have no apparent control over what you accidentally let slip. With your partner, you never ever let anything accidentally slip. Ever.

What's odd is, that the Netflix issue is the thing that OP has chosen to tell us about/complain about.

Because not knowing the Netflix password affects her...

He’s a petty fucker about the Netflix password but I can understand why he’s pissed off with you for sharing things with other people when he’s asked you not to. You shouldn’t need to “try” not to do that. Yeah things slip out but it sounds like you do that a lot. I’d be very upset if my partner told other people stuff I’d specifically told him I didn’t want them to know.

I have a friend like this so I do only tell her things I’m happy for everyone to know.

I’d be gutted if my partner told other people things I’d asked them not too.

You can’t be trusted and accidentally told someone is not good enough!

My father once told my brother something private about mine and DH's relationship. I was FURIOUS and never trusted him with private information again.

By let tiny things slip it is literally a couple of things. They arent very personal. The example dh gave is dh looked up my uncle on linked in and told me what my uncle's job was (obviously public information anyway). Dh then said don't tell anyone as it would look odd that he looked him up.
I accidentally let this slip to my mother because we were taking about my uncle working from home during lockdown. It was a genuine mistake but my husband was annoyed by it, I understand why as he did ask specifically. I'm not generally a gossip though l, when I said an open person I meant about myself. Also to answer some people's questions, no. If i was asked not to share the password I definitely wouldn't. I'd explain dh didn't want me to do that if anyone asked. Unlike the thing about my uncle a password is not something you could accidentally let slip in conversation.

I think it's like others have said in that the issue isn't just the Netflix password. You've admitted you do 'let things slip'.
In saying that I share my Netflix with my parents and in laws so that wouldn't bother me but the other breaches of trust would.

Op you are regularly abusing your husbands trust despite specifically promising you will keep your gob shut.
I’m not surprised he doesn’t trust you I’m afraid

Come on OP. It's not just that, is it? You yourself said "a couple of times".

His not telling you the password because if you share it it messes up the algorithm and also lags if someone else is on it.

I wouldn’t give it to you either but I’d log into it on the tv so you can watch it but still not know the password which is what I assume his done?

OK fair enough OP I've read your latest update which yeah OK I agree that's not a big breach of trust but in all fairness that wasn't made clear at the start.
Yeah he's BU not sharing the password.

I do try my best

That isn't good enough. Don't "try your best" just don't do it.

I don't understand the issue about Netflix. If your TV has the password saved you don't need to know it. I don't know our Netflix passord as it is in DD's name. It has been saved, and I can watch Netflix whenever I want.