Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Friend wants a whole weekend away

517 replies

Usernamqwerty · 11/04/2021 19:21

My friend has the huff because I can't go away for a whole weekend because it would mean I'd have to have the kids myself for a whole weekend some other time.

DH and I both work full-time and usually spilt the weekend up between us so we alternate who has the kids / time off to relax. Kids are 2 and 4 years old so need constant looking after. No family nearby to help and getting a babysitter would be too expensive.

My friend brought up the idea of a city trip (90 minutes on the train from London, but 3 hours door to door). I said fine and I could come down Saturday evening and go back late afternoon Sunday. However, she's got the huff and said it would be a waste of time just meeting up for a few hours (partially because she doesn't get up until midday, which is another issue...)

I tried explaining a whole weekend away would have to wait until the kids are older and she got huffy. She doesn't have kids herself.

I have a mini break booked for my birthday in October, in return I have the kids one weekend when DH is off on a leisure thing, but I end up on my knees with exhaustion if I have them all weekend with no break so this is a one-off!

I can't take any annual leave to extend the weekend and my friend works full-time too.

AIBU or should my friend just suck it up?

OP posts:
Magnificentmug12 · 11/04/2021 20:30

Tit for tat with your DH.

Can’t look after kids for one weekend and have to keep count?!

Pathetic really.

ElleDubloo · 11/04/2021 20:30

People on this thread need to stop being so mean. My kids are fabulously chilled now, but I remember a time when I was too tired to think straight and in fact admit that I resented my husband whenever I had to look after the kids on my own. It was that bad. So OP, I don’t think what you’re doing is necessarily the ideal arrangement, but I’ve certainly thought along the same lines in the past.

LaceyBetty · 11/04/2021 20:30

I honestly can't believe how some couples operate. Just go away and then let your DH do the same.

LaceyBetty · 11/04/2021 20:31

I honestly can't believe how some couples operate. Just go away and then let your DH do the same.

INeedNewShoes · 11/04/2021 20:31

It might be wise to put some practice in looking after your children on your own for a whole weekend . Life isn't predictable and your DP could have to go away for work, or away to help a relative, or into hospital (just a few examples) for a few days at some point in the future and it would stand you in good stead not to have a fear of looking after you children single handedly.

Teach your children to occupy themselves for a couple of hours in the morning once they've had breakfast if you need time to rest on weekend mornings.

I assume from the responses on here that no-one seems to get any time off for yourself which is frankly unhealthy... - don't attack parents who parent their children full time. It's not unhealthy at all.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 11/04/2021 20:31

When the kids were little and in nursery and I was working f/t I hated leaving them at the weekend because it was losing quality time with them. And at 2 they really missed me if I was away.

So I wouldn’t be going off for weekends away, either, OP.

Sometimeswinning · 11/04/2021 20:31

Sorry op but your situation is incredibly sad. I do however get how my neighbours work over the weekend! Dh and I both work during the week. Our downtime is just the 5 of us. If he wants to go away then noone owes anyone anything. He goes. I go. It's all ok.

Kitkat151 · 11/04/2021 20:32

@Usernamqwerty

Thanks for your comments. I think I will ask my GP for thyroid tests as I am exhausted a lot of the time 😞
Maybe your iron levels are low?
Original poster
Usernamqwerty · 11/04/2021 20:32

We're hoping to book a babysitter once Covid allows. Last had a sitter last March.

We have a date night at least one evening a week.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 11/04/2021 20:32

@ElleDubloo

People on this thread need to stop being so mean. My kids are fabulously chilled now, but I remember a time when I was too tired to think straight and in fact admit that I resented my husband whenever I had to look after the kids on my own. It was that bad. So OP, I don’t think what you’re doing is necessarily the ideal arrangement, but I’ve certainly thought along the same lines in the past.
I would resent my husband too if I was mentally ill and looking after the kids alone was a trigger, yet he insisted on sticking to an unbending tit-for-tat childcare arrangement that's written in stone.

Life/people/relationships should be more flexible than that.

mooonstone · 11/04/2021 20:32

As I work full-time, I have to make the most of the weekend.

I mean, most adults work full time and manage to cope on the weekends without such regimes

1Morewineplease · 11/04/2021 20:32

You don't have children and then use them as bartering chips for personal downtime.
You are all one family.
Act like one.

halllftheworllldawway · 11/04/2021 20:33

Kids are absolutely exhausting, but that's just part of being a parent.

You can have a break and some me time without the strict division of time and routine.

There are single parents and many different family dynamics that mean one parent looks after the kids by themselves for long periods of time.

Just a one off weekend is really not something to get worked up about.

What you are saying is you don't want to go away for a weekend because you don't want your husband to do the same. But that's not a healthy way to look at things. And if would insist on a full weekend 'off' only because you went away, that's not a nice way to be.

JustLyra · 11/04/2021 20:33

@Usernamqwerty

Thanks for your comments. I think I will ask my GP for thyroid tests as I am exhausted a lot of the time 😞
Being so strict with each other probably doesn’t help.

Usually my DH will take the younger kids to the park on a Sunday while I do some batch cooking. Today he had a migraine so didn’t, but that doesn’t mean he owes me the time.

Nothing should be so rigid in a family set up that you each can’t have a weekend away with friends without it being a huge issue.

DelBocaVista · 11/04/2021 20:33

It is a pretty piss poor excuse tbh.

We both work full time and have occasional weekends away with our friends. Yeah it means that weekend is a bit full on but you get over it 🤷🏼‍♀️

We both work away a few times a year too which can mean a full week of childcare but that's life. It's no big deal.

VodselForDinner · 11/04/2021 20:33

You have a very strange approach to spending time with your friend, and also your children.

You don’t sound like you like her very much so probably best off skipping the trip and letting the friendship fade. She deserves better.

EarringsandLipstick · 11/04/2021 20:33

@Usernamqwerty

So no-one else finds small children exhausting then... 🤔
Not to that extent! 2 yo & 4 yo for a weekend on your own isn't that impossible.

(My view is a bit coloured as I became a single parent when my 3 were very little so this was my life. Not just a random weekend).

mollypuss1 · 11/04/2021 20:34

Love the fact you point out your friend doesn’t have kids herself to try and show that she doesn’t understand when in reality she’s 100% right to be pissed off at your frankly bizarre parenting set up

MadgeMak · 11/04/2021 20:34

I don't think that people are finding your set up weird because they don't think individual free time shouldn't be broadly equal. What's weird is the tit for tat nature of it all, especially given you mention you have mental health problems. You have a husband problem if he won't allow you a weekend away without expecting one in return. Fine for him to take a weekend away too if the opportunity arises, but to purposely take one because you've had one is odd.

Livpool · 11/04/2021 20:34

YABU - mostly because the tit for tat set up with your DH sounds so weird. Do you tally up the hours?!

I've never done this with DH - things just work out surely

GoToSleepBabyPlease · 11/04/2021 20:35

Are you parenting really well, OP? Like setting up 'invitations to play' and doing crafts all weekend?

Because if so, I get it. And suggest popping CBeebies on for an hour or two if you've got them on your own. I can't be Mary Poppins all weekend either.

RachelRavenRoth · 11/04/2021 20:35

He also had the kids three nights a week in his room from a few weeks old and then went to work the next day so he's a trooper!
So you also do not share a bedroom? And him looking after his children makes him a trooper, rather than a parent?

crazychick89 · 11/04/2021 20:35

The more time I spend with my kids the more I enjoy their company, which is lucky as I have no one else to step in for me 🤣 but honestly, if I was your friend I would probably let the friendship fizzle out and start looking for more like-minded friends who wanted to spend time with me. Child-free time is important ( i imagine?) but this regimental on/off/who's on call for the kids is weird, sad they're treated like a job or inconvenience and not a family member

Sirzy · 11/04/2021 20:36

It sounds like your living completely seoerate lives in the same house which isn’t healthy

Beamur · 11/04/2021 20:36

My DH and his ex wife ended up parenting like this. Whilst I think having a bit of time to yourself when you have little kids is golden, splitting up the weekend and keeping tabs is unhealthy. You need to do some things together too.

Swipe left for the next trending thread