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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend wants a whole weekend away

517 replies

Usernamqwerty · 11/04/2021 19:21

My friend has the huff because I can't go away for a whole weekend because it would mean I'd have to have the kids myself for a whole weekend some other time.

DH and I both work full-time and usually spilt the weekend up between us so we alternate who has the kids / time off to relax. Kids are 2 and 4 years old so need constant looking after. No family nearby to help and getting a babysitter would be too expensive.

My friend brought up the idea of a city trip (90 minutes on the train from London, but 3 hours door to door). I said fine and I could come down Saturday evening and go back late afternoon Sunday. However, she's got the huff and said it would be a waste of time just meeting up for a few hours (partially because she doesn't get up until midday, which is another issue...)

I tried explaining a whole weekend away would have to wait until the kids are older and she got huffy. She doesn't have kids herself.

I have a mini break booked for my birthday in October, in return I have the kids one weekend when DH is off on a leisure thing, but I end up on my knees with exhaustion if I have them all weekend with no break so this is a one-off!

I can't take any annual leave to extend the weekend and my friend works full-time too.

AIBU or should my friend just suck it up?

OP posts:
SittingAround1 · 11/04/2021 20:36

OP I don't think you sharing the childcare at the weekends with your DH is odd. Whatever works for you.

I was exhausted when mine were that age. I think the reality is that a full weeks work followed by a 'fun' weekend away followed directly by another full weeks work is probably too much for you, especially if you have to 'pay' for it with a weekend by yourself with the children.
It sounds like the problem isn't with your friend but you possibly not coping enough with working full time and having two small children.

I think you should be honest with your friend and tell her it's too tiring for you at the moment.

museumum · 11/04/2021 20:37

I do get it op. When my dc were younger I sometimes only got through the week by thinking of the 2-3 hours I could get to just be myself at the weekend when dh took over childcare.
Having said that. Dh and I still had a weekend each away per year. It was a-May-zing to have a whole two days of not being mum or employee. It was renewing emotionally and mentally and so worth the weekend later in the year when dh would go away and I’d have an exhausted fortnight.

Vooga · 11/04/2021 20:37

*One child, if what age? That you can’t entertain for one weekend???

I’m now thinking these posters have to be proper full on helicopter parents that are entertaining them all the time to be so tired?

I’m a single parent and have been since they were all under 5 so the whole concept is just so alien*

I can entertain her for one weekend. It's just boring and the other option is better. If the only option was a weekend then fine.

EarringsandLipstick · 11/04/2021 20:37

As I work full-time, I have to make the most of the weekend.

Like us all OP 🙄

The stress / possible low thyroid function is such a drip-feed too.

Sure, if you're that exhausted, it's wise go check it out. But the insistence that it's just not doable to take care of your own kids alone for a very occasional weekend is madness.

Gurufloof · 11/04/2021 20:38

@Usernamqwerty

So no-one else finds small children exhausting then... 🤔
Yes of course they are absolutely fatiguing, however I did it alone after my husband left and I had no family to take them at all. How do you think other single parents do it?
2andahalfpints · 11/04/2021 20:38

This reply has been deleted

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Nutrigrainygoodness · 11/04/2021 20:38

@RachelRavenRoth

He also had the kids three nights a week in his room from a few weeks old and then went to work the next day so he's a trooper! So you also do not share a bedroom? And him looking after his children makes him a trooper, rather than a parent?
This!! Why is a man a trooper for parenting his child?!
shouldistop · 11/04/2021 20:38

*Are you parenting really well, OP? Like setting up 'invitations to play' and doing crafts all weekend?

Because if so, I get it. And suggest popping CBeebies on for an hour or two if you've got them on your own. I can't be Mary Poppins all weekend either.*

I was wondering that too actually. It's ok to let the kids watch some tv, let the 4yo play in their room and the 2yo potter behind you 'helping' with housework. It's ok to have them both come into bed with you on a weekend morning to read books and have a cuddle.

Blossomplease6 · 11/04/2021 20:39

@Vooga
I can entertain her for one weekend. It's just boring and the other option is better.

That’s really sad

GettingItOutThere · 11/04/2021 20:41

@Usernamqwerty

That's right Annie, downtime should be equal.

DH works very long hours (sometimes all-nighters) in a stressful job and needs his downtime too.

He also had the kids three nights a week in his room from a few weeks old and then went to work the next day so he's a trooper!

erm no. hes a parent.

i think its a rediculous excuse to be honest. I have my kids 24.7 and im okay with that. Everyone needs a break, and having alternate weekends with your OH is a good thing, so why couldnt you for once have a break and then have them for the entire weekend?
arrange kid stuff for the weekend its yours? things are opening up soon inc soft play

Holly60 · 11/04/2021 20:42

On your knees with exhaustion after looking after your 2 and 4 year old for two days seems very extreme. I would be focusing on this and asking yourself why. Perhaps find ways to create downtime if you are not doing so, or break up the day and include a variety of different activities such as play dates. This will also promote them sleeping so you get a rest then.

I also agree with other posters that to be honest it just sounds like you don’t really want to do the whole weekend, in which case I think you need to be honest with your friend.

Monkeytapper · 11/04/2021 20:42

Poor excuse, my husband works away Monday to Friday so Ive looked after my own kids by myself through the week for 12 years.

Invisimamma · 11/04/2021 20:43

What happens if you decide you want to do something as a family on a Saturday afternoon, like the zoo, a meal or visiting friends? Does just one of you go because the other is having alone time or do you sacrifice your alone time.

How do you work holidays, do you split them up too and allocate childcare shifts?

What will you do in a couple years if on a Saturday afternoon one child has a party invite and the other has a sports match at the same time?

Can you explain how looking after your own children is a mental health trigger? Sound like code for 'I just don't want too.' and thats understandable because small children are hard work but it's also a real shame.

Singinghollybob · 11/04/2021 20:44

Yeah that just sounds a lame excuse

Dressinggownchic · 11/04/2021 20:45

@Usernamqwerty do you and your DH have more cohabitation relationship to raise the children? I’m not judging, just trying to understand this tit for tat, nights in separate rooms etc? Family time seems very limited.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 11/04/2021 20:46

If you don't want to go then be honest about it.

HappyThursdays · 11/04/2021 20:46

@Usernamqwerty If you do go to the Gp for your Thyroid test, please get a vitD test too. I was/am a single parent and just assumed my exhaustion was real - turned out I was hugely deficient in vitB12 and vitD. Doctor actually said to me the results must have meant I was on my knees! Really easy to fix too.

Ginseng1 · 11/04/2021 20:46

Kids are exhausting no doubt about it at that age. Had same age gap myself & would find w/es alone long (hats off to those who do it alone all the time!) but it was worth it to get least one proper weekend a year to get away with the girls. The w/e s I'd have the kids on my own I'd do as little as possible no stressful trips out, maybe invite a friend around with her kids to put down some time. I wouldn't travel 3hrs just for a night either.

poppycat10 · 11/04/2021 20:46

Just because the martyrs on here can cope with two tiny kids for 48 hours on their own doesn't mean the OP wants to. I wouldn't have wanted to either, which is one of the reasons I stuck to one child. Also the OP isn't a single parent and her husband doesn't work away so coping on her own isn't something she has to do.

I don't think you are being strange OP. But I think you should go Sunday morning while your friend is in bed and then come back early on Monday (when presumably she is still in bed, or can she manage to get out of bed for work - in which case she's being a little unreasonable too). You can take a half day off work.

RIPworkingmums · 11/04/2021 20:47

I have 3 children under 7 and manage alone nearly all the time. It actually sounds like you need a weekend away so in your shoes I would go for it. I do think the setup you have is odd but that’s up to you. Ask your DH to do ‘his’ weekend away when you have some holiday left and book the Monday off to recover if you need to.

Original poster
Usernamqwerty · 11/04/2021 20:47

Separate rooms due to DH snoring. Have done this last 10+ years.

I've booked some family things in for all of us in May / June once things are opening up again.

OP posts:
dobidobidooo · 11/04/2021 20:47

He also had the kids three nights a week in his room from a few weeks old and then went to work the next day so he's a trooper!

His room?? Is he your husband or housemate?

PinkiOcelot · 11/04/2021 20:48

I think it’s totally weird that you can’t look after your own kids for a weekend on your own. It’s ridiculous in fact.
Your friend is also right. It would be a waste of time going Saturday afternoon until Sunday afternoon.

AhNowTed · 11/04/2021 20:49

You're turning down your friend because of the fear and parenting 2 days on the trot.

Can you not see why she's annoyed?

poppycat10 · 11/04/2021 20:49

I would say though OP, if you both work full time you really should be able to afford a babysitter from time to time.