Page 7 | Friend wants a whole weekend away

Travis1 · 11/04/2021 20:16

How strange 😕 so if you split the weekend then when do you do family stuff?

Alsohuman · 11/04/2021 20:16

@MissMarks

Really weird set up. I would love the chance of a whole weekend in London.

Most people would after being imprisoned at home for a year.

Original poster

Usernamqwerty · 11/04/2021 20:16

As mentioned, we both work full-time so alternate having the kids in the mornings at the weekend so we both get a lie-in... I have Saturday afternoon to do my own thing and DH has Sunday afternoons.

I assume from the responses on here that no-one seems to get any time off for yourself which is frankly unhealthy... I have mh problems including stress and looking after the kids on my own is a big trigger for me. I would love a weekend away but then would have to have them on my own another weekend in return. As mentioned I can't take any annual leave as I have very little left after our family holiday in June as I am leaving work at the end of August.

As I work full-time, I have to make the most of the weekend.

Pre-Covid, we did family stuff on Sunday mornings.

OP posts:

MissMarks · 11/04/2021 20:17

That’s true!

eatsleepread · 11/04/2021 20:17

A 'tit for tat' approach, such as you and your partner have, is the death knell to a relationship.

WhySoSensitive · 11/04/2021 20:17

She doesn’t need to suck it up.
You need to suck it up and either look after your own kids or be honest to your friend.

AnniesAmazingEyebrows · 11/04/2021 20:17

On threads about weekends away people always say downtime should be equal so I don't think the OP is weird in knowing if she has two weekends away then it's perfectly reasonable for her husband to be able to do the same.

It sounds more like the OP doesn't want her husband to go away until the kids are less hard work for her and knows she'd be a bit of an arse going off on trips herself but expecting her husband not to do the same, I can see why a friend would go in the huff over that wether they have children or not. You've said no to her because you don't want your husband expecting a weekend away himself and that does sound odd.

Mary46 · 11/04/2021 20:18

Time away be good. I see you work FT. It does take bit of planning to go. Its worth it. My neighbour was all the kids the kids. They have their own lives now. Just my own view.

MissMarks · 11/04/2021 20:19

OP- it isn’t normal to be unable to care for your own children for a weekend on your own. I appreciate it wouldn’t be your choice but to say it ‘triggers’ you is really worrying. I would suggest you make steps to address this.

weightedblanketlove · 11/04/2021 20:19

I don't think op is weird at all. Me and DH tend to tag team looking after the kids.

I am quite used to.looking after them for a full weekend by myself but would expect him to reciprocate back.

I think once you have kids friends have to understand you don't have as much freedom.

WorraLiberty · 11/04/2021 20:19

Who do you think you are to start telling people their set-up is frankly unhealthy because they can manage their kids alone for 48 hours? 😂

You couldn't make this up.

shouldistop · 11/04/2021 20:19

If you have mental health problems could your husband not just support you in having a weekend away without expecting one in return? It doesn't always have to be tit for tat.

Alreadyinmypyjamas · 11/04/2021 20:19

Stop saying you work full time as though it's something extraordinary. I've worked full time since my son was three months old. I look forward to actually spending time with him at the weekend!

Original poster

Usernamqwerty · 11/04/2021 20:20

That's right Annie, downtime should be equal.

DH works very long hours (sometimes all-nighters) in a stressful job and needs his downtime too.

He also had the kids three nights a week in his room from a few weeks old and then went to work the next day so he's a trooper!

OP posts:

Allwokedup · 11/04/2021 20:20

@Usernamqwerty umm no it’s not that it’s that you have transactions like if You go away I go away. I have gone away 3 or 4 times in a year for the weekend (pre Covid) and my husband hasn’t gone away at all. We love and support each other so we don’t begrudge each other time off.

nanbread · 11/04/2021 20:20

We make sure we get "me time" at weekends too for a few hours each, but weekends away with friends are reinvigorating and fun and more important than you may realise right now. You may regret not trying harder with friendships.

Your friend won't get hope hard it is, did you before you had kids? But your attitude is pretty unusual. There must be thousands if not millions of parents in your situation, and most wouldn't turn down a weekend away because it meant looking after their own children another time.

Yes it is hard work to have them alone but just plan ahead - organise to meet up with supportive friends with similarly aged children for the weekend you have them, go somewhere the kids can run around for a bit safely and treat yourselves to a meal out / have easy food for less cooking and cleaning up.

Or you could even ask a family member to come and stay for the weekend if that's an option.

halllftheworllldawway · 11/04/2021 20:21

@Usernamqwerty

As mentioned, we both work full-time so alternate having the kids in the mornings at the weekend so we both get a lie-in... I have Saturday afternoon to do my own thing and DH has Sunday afternoons.

I assume from the responses on here that no-one seems to get any time off for yourself which is frankly unhealthy... I have mh problems including stress and looking after the kids on my own is a big trigger for me. I would love a weekend away but then would have to have them on my own another weekend in return. As mentioned I can't take any annual leave as I have very little left after our family holiday in June as I am leaving work at the end of August.

As I work full-time, I have to make the most of the weekend.

Pre-Covid, we did family stuff on Sunday mornings.

So you and your husband have to have exactly equal me time every single week and will hold each other to 'owed' time?

That's unhealthy.

MrsJBaptiste · 11/04/2021 20:21

I assume from the responses on here that no-one seems to get any time off for yourself which is frankly unhealthy...

I'm not sure why you think this OP, most people do have time off and weekends away with friends which is why they're questioning why you don't want to. Now that is unhealthy. Just organise it and go!

BusyLizzie61 · 11/04/2021 20:21

@Usernamqwerty

My friend has the huff because I can't go away for a whole weekend because it would mean I'd have to have the kids myself for a whole weekend some other time.

DH and I both work full-time and usually spilt the weekend up between us so we alternate who has the kids / time off to relax. Kids are 2 and 4 years old so need constant looking after. No family nearby to help and getting a babysitter would be too expensive.

My friend brought up the idea of a city trip (90 minutes on the train from London, but 3 hours door to door). I said fine and I could come down Saturday evening and go back late afternoon Sunday. However, she's got the huff and said it would be a waste of time just meeting up for a few hours (partially because she doesn't get up until midday, which is another issue...)

I tried explaining a whole weekend away would have to wait until the kids are older and she got huffy. She doesn't have kids herself.

I have a mini break booked for my birthday in October, in return I have the kids one weekend when DH is off on a leisure thing, but I end up on my knees with exhaustion if I have them all weekend with no break so this is a one-off!

I can't take any annual leave to extend the weekend and my friend works full-time too.

AIBU or should my friend just suck it up?

Really?

OMG.

It gets worse! This is utter madness. As for being on your knees if you have to parent for a WHOLE WEEKEND. Get a grip is my response.

denverRegina · 11/04/2021 20:22

"I have Saturday afternoon to do my own thing and DH has Sunday afternoons."

Every single week? Without even an exception on a weekend away? Now and again for a rest of you need one maybe but not every weekend

DontBeRidiculous · 11/04/2021 20:22

The whole thing sounds odd, including the careful division of childcare between married parents. I'd hate to live like that! It seems like an arrangement between people who co-parent but don't live and function as a family. A bit joyless.

Regarding your friend, she sounds rather demanding. I'd be annoyed at her huffiness. You may not be able or willing to go on multi-day outings, as a mother of young children, and she should understand that. She'll have to accept that. People change as their commitments fluctuate and their lifestyles evolve. You're not a carefree single, and she'll have to deal with it! Maybe she needs to find a different friend for her weekends away.

BakewellGin1 · 11/04/2021 20:22

Crazy
Millions of people look after two young children on their own often for more then a weekend. That is a ridiculous reason if I was your friend I would be annoyed too

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 11/04/2021 20:22

I had my DD alone from when she was 3 with no support and worked full time. Yes it was hard but I wasn't on my knees.

But if that's how you feel OP, that's how you feel. Deep down though I think you do know it's a bit silly otherwise you wouldn't have asked the question.

superram · 11/04/2021 20:23

I think your weekend arrangements are weird. Your husband is perfectly capable of looking after the children on his own for a full weekend and I can see why your friend doesn’t want to spend all that money for less than a day (as that’s what it will be). She needs a better friend.

MissMarks · 11/04/2021 20:23

Worra- it isn’t healthy. If that is the case there is something odd going on. And I say that as someone who works in this field. I am not talking about not wanting to- but saying it triggers mental health issues and being UNABLE to.