Why is everyone suddenly using the term ‘gaslighting’ for absolutely everything?

[OolieMacdoolie]

The term ‘gaslighting’ has a very specific meaning - it’s a form of manipulation in which a person causes another to doubt their perceptions, memories and beliefs by using denial, misdirection, contradiction and disinformation.

But I see it all the time on mumsnet to refer to any number of usually much more benign things - someone disagrees with you about something? Gaslighting. Someone points out that you forgot to do something? Gaslighting. Someone had a difference of opinion about a subject of debate? Gaslighting.

Is it just in vogue at the moment? Or do people think it legitimises their position in a dispute if they can characterise a routine disagreement as someone actually trying to psychologically destroy them?

I have to say I don’t know what it means! But also see it all the time

Christ knows. Its just fashionable. I really dont know what it means.

I've noticed this too. I suspect a lot of the time people don't actually know the precise meaning.

I agree. Using it so often in the wrong situation lessens the effect on true victims.

Ditto -Narcissism.

People don't like to be wrong so they throw this term around to turn every benign scenario into abuse. Then they can stay cosy knowing they are right and the other person is a cunt.

I hate the term and have never used it myself.

Absolutely re narcissism. It’s everywhere according to the armchair psychologists on mumsnet

I agree : the massive overuse of the term in minor situations risks it becoming trivialised and losing its meaning when describing serious abuse situations.

I agree with both. I don't think a day goes by without it popping up sometimes several times.

The term comes from the play and later excellent film Gas Light so it’s not new but does seem to have become much more popular recently!

See also being triggered. I was listening to a discussion yesterday where people were saying they were triggered over some very menial things (not in any way abuse or trauma related - it was business related).

I agree. I was in a relationship where I was deliberately gaslighted. It was utterly soul-destroying and took years to recover from.
I am very uncomfortable with casual use of the term.
I think people are starting to use it as a shortcut for whenever someone exaggerates an opposing point of view. That's dishonest and often strawmanning, but it's not the same as gaslighting.

Same as everyone saying their ex is a narcissist

It has an interesting origin if anyone is not aware - it's from a play where one of the character is being manipulated by her husband into thinking that she's wrong/going mad. He keeps tampering with the levels of the gas lights in the house to mess with the levels of light and then utterly denying it.

Yes, trigger warning is another one.
If i was so fragile i needed trigger warnings i would be on mn.

I think a lot of people don’t know what it really means even though it’s been used for a long time.
These things come and go. There’ll be another buzz word along soon.

One reason and one reason only - to shut down the other person. If someone disagrees with you and you accuse them of gaslighting you effectively shut them down. Same with narcissism, if someone doesn’t let you get your own way stands up to you, they are labelled narcissistic.
Of course, we also live in a world where people speak ‘their truth’. Not the truth but ‘their truth’. So basically any old bullshit goes and no one is allowed to say anything because we all have to kind, donchano?

Is anyone else triggered by the narcissistic gaslighters? See? You can get it all in one sentence.

@JustTurtlesAllTheWayDown

I agree. I was in a relationship where I was deliberately gaslighted. It was utterly soul-destroying and took years to recover from. I am very uncomfortable with casual use of the term. I think people are starting to use it as a shortcut for whenever someone exaggerates an opposing point of view. That's dishonest and often strawmanning, but it's not the same as gaslighting.

Strawmanning??

Where do people get these new words, counselling?

@Happycat1212

Same as everyone saying their ex is a narcissist

Half the time when you read the post and the follow ups from OP, you’re actually relieved that the narcissist managed to escape from OP.

I'd like to add cognitive dissonance to the list of trendy bandied about terms.

The term gaslighting comes from a 1940s play called Gaslight. The husband drives his wife, Bella, to doubt her sanity by hiding her things, making her look for bills that he had hidden, hurting her dog then saying she did it. Her mother had died in an asylum. The reason ? Because he murdered the lady that Iived in their house many years before them in an attempt to steal her famous Barlow Rubies. Bella doesn't know this. He goes out every night but about half an hour later the gaslights drop and she fears someone is upstairs. Then about half an hour before he returns "from his club" the gaslights go up. What he really is doing is going into the upstairs part of the house (which is shut up) searching for the rubies.
One night a mysterious policeman appears, investigating the old murder of Alice Barlow and Bella talks about the Gaslight mystery. This is what gives her husband away - he is why the inspector has turned up.

It is a superb play, menacing and the husband is so utterly vile you are cheering when Bella traps him at the denouement. Highly recommended

Hence the phrase "gaslighting" to mean someone playing tricks to make their partner think they are losing their mind.

Also dog whistle. Everything is a fecking dog whistle these days.

Probably a better explanation en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gas_Light

I have the original Radio 4 afternoon play on cassette tape - it's one of my favourite listens.

I feel the same about toxic. It means very harmful or unpleasant in a pervasive or insidious way. It does not describe someone you don’t get on with for some reason.