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Ungrateful in-laws

135 replies

deardia · 10/04/2021 19:34

I never learn!!!! My in-laws are super ungrateful all the time!!! Pisses me off. Yet I still throw gifts their way, god only knows why! Because it only stresses me out more than anything.
Dh was going round to his mums to pick something up, I prepared gifts earlier and so told him to take it with him. It's a gift for the whole family, for context the people living in the house are mil, bil, sil, and sil one child. (Bil and sil are brother and sister to each other, so not to be confused with being married to one another)

Anyways it's a gift that you can see would've took a lot of thought, all personalised, one gift is for the whole family and the other is for sil child.

Sil was upstairs so dh didn't see her. Bil and mil was very happy with it all and Bil told dh to tell me he says thank you so much.
My point is why can't he himself say thank you!?? A simple mssg won't take any effort at all.
Sil still hasn't mssgd to acknowledge the gift given to HER child!
Her level of entitlement pisses me off.
If someone gave my child a gift, I would ensure to thank the giver.
Bil does this type of thing all the time and so does sil actually, they don't seem to like me very much and always go out of the way to show they like the other dil so much, on our group chat. Had anyone else sent what I did, they would've by now taken a pic and sent on the group for everyone to see

Anyways Bil sent a funny meme on the group, after dh returned home. No fucking thank you for me?! It's almost like he's done it on purpose just to mssg on the group so I see it and wonder why he hasn't acknowledged what I gave. He doesn't usually send memes or unnecessary stuff on the group.

I just need a kick up my backside to never ever give them anything ever again so I won't need to feel like this!! I always say I won't, and yet time and time again I still do it!!

OP posts:

Butterflyfluff · 10/04/2021 19:37

Eh? BIL personally thanked your husband and asked him to pass this on to you but you expect a personal thank you too?


Lostlittlelady · 10/04/2021 19:38

Christ almighty calm down.
Just stop giving gifts if it causes this much stress
They said to your dh to say thanks, surely that’s enough.


BigMamaFratelli · 10/04/2021 19:39

Wow. You sound like hard work. He said thanks, just not in the way you wanted. Stop sending stuff if it bothers you.


Alb1 · 10/04/2021 19:40

He did say thank you tho? I don’t understand why you are so upset about the thank you not being directly to you, the gift wasn’t given in person, it’s not like you handed it over and they ignored you. Clearly these gifts mean way more to you than them, which really isn’t their fault, just stop giving them gifts.


FelicityPike · 10/04/2021 19:40

He thanked his brother. That’s plenty.


Returnoftheowl · 10/04/2021 19:41

If he's thanked your husband in person then that is sufficient.

If gift giving causes you so much upset then I think you should stop.


Butterflyfluff · 10/04/2021 19:42

TBH it sounds you you only give the gifts to see what their reaction is

It sounds like you want them to grovel to you for receiving a gift they didn’t ask for and have thanked your husband for

That makes you much harder work than them


rainyskylight · 10/04/2021 19:42

Jeez calm down. You gave gifts because you wanted for apparently no reason whatsoever and then spit fury because they don’t say thank you in the way you want them to. They said thanks. More importantly, why are you spending so much time, energy, money on putting together gifts for people you don’t really like when there’s seemingly no occasion or reason to do so.


Notaroadrunner · 10/04/2021 19:44

What was the reason for giving a gift. Do you often do this? Maybe they have become so used to getting random gifts from you that they assume a thank you to your Dh is sufficient. Just stop sending gifts. No doubt they wont be bothered and at least you won't have reason to be annoyed by them again.


JackieWeaverFever · 10/04/2021 19:44

I feel like this isn't about the thank you and sense a backstory...


ICantBeDoingWithThis · 10/04/2021 19:44

I can understand your frustration but save yourself the energy and don’t give them anything in future.


Aimee1987 · 10/04/2021 19:46

BIL thanked your husband, the one who gave it to him ( and asked to pass thanks to you)

I think your over thinking this. If there are other reasons you dont like you in laws or feel they dont like you then stop trying so hard to impress them. Also I think to make your life easier lower your expectations. The purchasing of gift should be throwing some Easter eggs in the basket when your in sainsburys and the thanks you would then expect would match the level of effort put in.
There is the possibility they see how much effort your putting into gifts and find it a bit uncomfortable. My family dodnt do gifts really but DPs do. I feel a need to the reciprocate in a way I wouldn't with my own family. It all gets very uncomfortable.


Lostlittlelady · 10/04/2021 19:46

“A gift should come with ribbons not conditions”


Tinydinosaur · 10/04/2021 19:47

YABU he thanked your husband. That's perfectly normal and acceptable.
Yeah SIL could have texted thanks but it's a joint gift, BIL issued thanks on everyone's behalf as far as I would be concerned.

If BIL and SIL sent DH and I a gift, I would thank SIL and that would be the end of it. Or DH would thank BIL. We wouldn't both thank both people.


Ginger1982 · 10/04/2021 19:49

If you were that desperate to be personally thanked, why didn't you go with it?


OneMoreForExtra · 10/04/2021 19:50

Unsolicited gifts are an utterly PITA. My in-laws have sent via DH a huge ornamental plant in a glaring blue glazed pot that is hideously misplaced in my natural garden. They no doubt are wondering why I. Less grateful. I'm wondering how fast I can kill it. Save your gifts.


saraclara · 10/04/2021 19:51

It's almost like he's done it on purpose just to mssg on the group so I see it and wonder why he hasn't acknowledged what I gave.

Paranoia much?

He said thank you to your DH and asked him to pass on thanks to you. That's normal, surely? If not, I've been getting it wrong for decades.


Lostlittlelady · 10/04/2021 19:51

Ribbons not strings!


Alsohuman · 10/04/2021 19:52


If he's thanked your husband in person then that is sufficient.

If gift giving causes you so much upset then I think you should stop.

This. What a storm in a teacup.

Stickytreacle · 10/04/2021 19:52

You don't give things and expect personalised thanks, BIL did give thanks, like you say yourself, just stop if you aren't happy with their response. I get uncomfortable with unwarranted gifts, maybe they do too?


TidyDancer · 10/04/2021 19:52

Where is all this angst coming from? He did say thank you! You can't dictate how someone says thank you.


MichelleScarn · 10/04/2021 19:52

Is it something with this ongoing craze for the personalised plastic bottles for anything you can imagine? My fb feed is clogging with school mums doing it, today I saw one with "x's chocolate buttons" and one for diluted zoflora! Confused its lazer cut sticky pvc I think....


TheGumption · 10/04/2021 19:53

Blimey, don't bother next time. It clearly causes too much angst for you.


LaurieFairyCake · 10/04/2021 19:53

You have a Dh problem, well a YOU problem and a DH problem

  1. The YOU problem is why are you preparing gifts for people who don't like you much ? (just stop)

2. The Dh problem is him:
a. Not preparing the gifts
b. Not telling them you prepared the gifts
c. Not telling them to thank you directly as it took xyz amount of time

So Thanks for you

ForeverInADay · 10/04/2021 19:53

If my bil messaged me direct to say thank you I would be slightly freaked out!

A thank you via your husband is absolutely a thank you!

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