Ungrateful in-laws

[deardia]

I never learn!!!! My in-laws are super ungrateful all the time!!! Pisses me off. Yet I still throw gifts their way, god only knows why! Because it only stresses me out more than anything.
Dh was going round to his mums to pick something up, I prepared gifts earlier and so told him to take it with him. It's a gift for the whole family, for context the people living in the house are mil, bil, sil, and sil one child. (Bil and sil are brother and sister to each other, so not to be confused with being married to one another)

Anyways it's a gift that you can see would've took a lot of thought, all personalised, one gift is for the whole family and the other is for sil child.

Sil was upstairs so dh didn't see her. Bil and mil was very happy with it all and Bil told dh to tell me he says thank you so much.
My point is why can't he himself say thank you!?? A simple mssg won't take any effort at all.
Sil still hasn't mssgd to acknowledge the gift given to HER child!
Her level of entitlement pisses me off.
If someone gave my child a gift, I would ensure to thank the giver.
Bil does this type of thing all the time and so does sil actually, they don't seem to like me very much and always go out of the way to show they like the other dil so much, on our group chat. Had anyone else sent what I did, they would've by now taken a pic and sent on the group for everyone to see

Anyways Bil sent a funny meme on the group, after dh returned home. No fucking thank you for me?! It's almost like he's done it on purpose just to mssg on the group so I see it and wonder why he hasn't acknowledged what I gave. He doesn't usually send memes or unnecessary stuff on the group.

I just need a kick up my backside to never ever give them anything ever again so I won't need to feel like this!! I always say I won't, and yet time and time again I still do it!!

I'll like a little thank you. Don't send stuff in the future.

@PanamaPattie

Why are giving people stuff they haven’t asked for? Annoying.

It’s kind of in the nature of a present that it’s given without asking!

Stop giving if you expect people to prostrate to you! Giving should not have conditions attached. I wouldn't thank you either if this is what your attitude

YA clearly BVU

Your dh gave gifts to family members, (presumably from you both?) and was thanked, in person for the gifts. He also twigged that you must have had some input and specifically asked that thanks be passed to you as well.
Not sure what else you are expecting

As an aside, why are you giving them all 'personalised gifts' ? IT would be a bit coincidental if they all had their birthdays in the same week, and it's not Christmas. Why are you 'putting all this effort' into giving them these gifts ?

Please tell us more.

Was there an occasion? It’s pretty weird to send gifts for no reason. Do you do it often? It’s perhaps a bit annoying?

What’s with all this bloody gifting? 🙄

He thanked your DH!!

Bil did say thank you, to your husband who I assume had given the present jointly with you, and said to pass thanks to you as well

Nothing wrong with that

Sil however, just rude

There's obviously some negativity between you. Are you trying to get along and making some effort and then not getting the feedback you want? I wouldn't second guess people's actions/meanings, they're very rarely right and just get you annoyed. Agree with everyone else though, they thanked dh, they won't be aware that you are fuming you aren't getting a personal acknowledgement.

You sound like you might be giving these gifts for the wrong reasons. Only give gifts because you want the other person to have it, that should be enough. Though I would be happy if someone passed thanks on to me “x loved the gift, she says thanks” would be more than enough for me.

What an over reaction. Thanks have been given via your DH.

Do you believe that a thank you is only real if it’s given from a woman to a woman?

Is that another job we all have, Chief Thanker?

A gift was given to a child. The receiving parent (BIL) thanked the giver (your husband).

It’s done. Move on.

You received thanks, albeit indirectly.
Stop trying to buy their affection!

I'm intrigued to know what it was!

Gosh, I wonder what your reaction is like when someone is actually behaving unreasonably towards you.

Were you randomly sending presents to them all for no reason? People only usually do presents at birthdays and Christmas/other major festival. Easter is just eggs for children usually.

What was the reason for the gifts? I ask because it doesn't sound as though you were giving them just to do something nice. It really does sound as though it was more to test your ILs, rather than to be kind.
FWIW, I would find it quite intimidating to receive random gifts for no apparent reason, especially something personalised, as that implies something pricey and I really feel uncomfortable with people spending a lot of money on me. Of course, it could be that they didn't like the item and didn't want to embarrass you. They thanked you via your dh and I don't understand why that isn't enough for you.

My god you sound like hard work.

I've not had the chance to read all comment.
The gifts were not for no reason.
The gifts are from me and not dh, so whilst I appreciate he said thanks to him, it's not from him.

If my sister sent something for me via her dh, I would tell him to thank her on my behalf but I also would message or call my sister to personally thank her as it's from her.

Am prepared to accept am being U. However are many posters on here essentially saying, if for example their grandma(or whoever) knit a scarf for them (that's not what I did FYI) and sent it to you via your brother, you wouldn't call or mssg to say thank you to the actual person who sent it for you?

Also I would have been happy to accept thank you via dh, however they have a habit of making a big hooha usually on the group whenever anyone else gifts them anything. Millions of pics and thanking in every language possible.

He thanked the person who actually brought a gift. This sounds like such a non issue.

The gifts are from me and not dh, so whilst I appreciate he said thanks to him, it's not from him.

Why would you send gifts to your in laws that were only from you and then get your DH to deliver them?

You clearly don’t realise that it’s your behaviour that’s outside the norm here

@deardia

I've not had the chance to read all comment. The gifts were not for no reason. The gifts are from me and not dh, so whilst I appreciate he said thanks to him, it's not from him.

If my sister sent something for me via her dh, I would tell him to thank her on my behalf but I also would message or call my sister to personally thank her as it's from her.

Am prepared to accept am being U. However are many posters on here essentially saying, if for example their grandma(or whoever) knit a scarf for them (that's not what I did FYI) and sent it to you via your brother, you wouldn't call or mssg to say thank you to the actual person who sent it for you?

If your doing extravagant gifts on a regular basis they may feel a bit overwhelmed and not know how to adress it. I would mabey wind it down a bit.

I’m lost ..

Urgh calm down