Ungrateful in-laws

[deardia]

I never learn!!!! My in-laws are super ungrateful all the time!!! Pisses me off. Yet I still throw gifts their way, god only knows why! Because it only stresses me out more than anything.
Dh was going round to his mums to pick something up, I prepared gifts earlier and so told him to take it with him. It's a gift for the whole family, for context the people living in the house are mil, bil, sil, and sil one child. (Bil and sil are brother and sister to each other, so not to be confused with being married to one another)

Anyways it's a gift that you can see would've took a lot of thought, all personalised, one gift is for the whole family and the other is for sil child.

Sil was upstairs so dh didn't see her. Bil and mil was very happy with it all and Bil told dh to tell me he says thank you so much.
My point is why can't he himself say thank you!?? A simple mssg won't take any effort at all.
Sil still hasn't mssgd to acknowledge the gift given to HER child!
Her level of entitlement pisses me off.
If someone gave my child a gift, I would ensure to thank the giver.
Bil does this type of thing all the time and so does sil actually, they don't seem to like me very much and always go out of the way to show they like the other dil so much, on our group chat. Had anyone else sent what I did, they would've by now taken a pic and sent on the group for everyone to see

Anyways Bil sent a funny meme on the group, after dh returned home. No fucking thank you for me?! It's almost like he's done it on purpose just to mssg on the group so I see it and wonder why he hasn't acknowledged what I gave. He doesn't usually send memes or unnecessary stuff on the group.

I just need a kick up my backside to never ever give them anything ever again so I won't need to feel like this!! I always say I won't, and yet time and time again I still do it!!

[SnackSizeRaisin]

Give things because you want to, not because you want something in return. I think one thank you is plenty anyway. And maybe they don't really want the gifts. Just stop and let your husband decide what gifts to give his own family.

[Stuckhere2021]

@deardia...... I never learn!!!!

Maybe it’s time to take heed of this and learn. Why are you doing this repeatedly if it causes so much angst. Have to agree with PPs that the giving of these gifts says more x about you than your in laws.

[StrapOnSallyChasedMeDownTheAli]

[Hoppinggreen]

You sound like hard work

[Whatdidyoudo99]

But your BIL said thank you and maybe your SIL has been busy looking after her child.
Think you are looking too much into the message.
If it causes all this stress I would not bother in future!

[Disfordarkchocolate]

But BIL said thank you, personally, to your husband. Surely that's enough?

[spanieleyes]

DH ( to you) Brother said thanks for the gifts
You( to DH ) Great!

Job done!

[AliceMcK]

Agree with others he thanked his brother your DH. If you wanted a personal thank you then give them the gifts yourself. My DH gets messages from his side of the family thanking for gifts yet I’m the one that 99% of the time buy them, 100% he never tells me, I only know when I ask if they liked or received them not a big deal. If you don’t like their attitude don’t give them gifts. If my DH thanks someone for a gift I don’t necessarily follow it up and thank them or their spouse especially in a group chat. Next time I see them I may bring it up especially if it was something that went down well.

[Sleepisoverrated150]

YABU, they said thank you and asked for it to passed on. You sound like a lot of hard work to be honest.

[Cherrysoup]

But bil already thanked your dh-what more do you want?!

[CoolCatTaco]

Unless you donated a kidney, thanking your DH was plenty.

[Nightbear]

Maybe you could give them some personalised thank you cards as their next present.

[Hhusky]

I genuinely don't see the big issue here. Your BiL passed his thanks through DH. If it annoys you that much, stop sending gifts. Or ask DH to tell them to give you more thanks.
If you genuinely think they're being mean or they're trying to be rude then stop sending them or just ask if they liked them next time you see them.

[anxietyanonymous]

I have a family member who tries very hard and is very generous. But i honestly wish they wouldn't as you have to reassure them endlessly that you liked it and listen to the stories of how they sourced it and how thoughtful they think they are. I do say thanks. But she does give off the impression you are not grateful enough. I also find it hard to reciprocate as i have a much busier lifestyle and hate shopping and organising.

I am a big believer in doing something like that because you want to, not because you expect anything back.

If you don't get joy from it and don't feel appreciate then don't do it.

[Thatwentbadly]

I’m wondering what these personalised gifts for no reason are. For me I suspect I would be left thinking how am I going to going to get rid of this stuff. What was the gift OP?

[Aquamarine1029]

Don't give gifts if the joy of giving isn't enough for you. Otherwise, it's just attention, gratitude seeking nonsense.

[TillyTopper]

Seriously, I think you need to chill! If it's causing this much angst just stop doing so much. Get DH to do his side of the family and you do yours. Problem solved I think.

[DuckbilledSplatterPuff]

I think it wouldn't have given your DH an embolism to say to his relatives - well OP sorted these gifts out, so please thank her not me.

I understand your frustration... was this a delayed Easter present? Or were you just trying to be nice.
As you weren't there and are relying on the heresay of DH, you don't really know how they received them. You probably would have got the thanks if you'd given them directly. It sounds like this is more about feeling unappreciated by them, than the actual thanks/presents.
I agree with you, you need to learn from this. and just reflect their level of giving back to them,
Just stop giving them presents from now on and let your DH think of them, organise them, pay for them, deliver them and then receive the thanks for them.
this is just hurting you, and making you feel more unappreciated. Focus on the people who do appreciate you and take a step back from the in-laws. Also, your DH needs to back you up a bit more.
But at the same time, you need to start caring a lot less about what they write in Whatsapp, it might be true that he was slighting you, but it could also be true that he didn't give it a moment's thought, and you are getting upset about something that wasn't aimed at you.

[AhNowTed]

These are real gifts. They're a test.

[SonicStars]

I think they probably assumed that it was a joint gift from you and your husband as I would.

In thanking your husband they have thanked the person who gave them the gift. Why thank twice. Can he not pass on thanks in the same way he passed on the gift?

[AhNowTed]

Are not*

[AccidentallyOnPurpose]

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

You get gifts, they don't thank you or don't thank you in the way you want, you get pissy. Repeat. Again. And again. And again.

Ofc course it's fucking exhausting and you're fed up. Accept they won't ever give you want you want . Because they never will, regardless of what gifts you give or how many or whatever. And stop the gifts if you're not actually doing it for the pleasure of it.

[Crabbypaddy]

Why the gifts? You sound a headache tbh

[HikeForward]

They all thanked your husband and told him to pass their thanks on, wouldn’t it be a bit OTT for them to thank you separately or on a family WhatsApp?

SIL was rude not to acknowledge her child’s gift though. What was the gift?

[PanamaPattie]

Why are giving people stuff they haven’t asked for? Annoying.