Ungrateful in-laws

[deardia]

I never learn!!!! My in-laws are super ungrateful all the time!!! Pisses me off. Yet I still throw gifts their way, god only knows why! Because it only stresses me out more than anything.
Dh was going round to his mums to pick something up, I prepared gifts earlier and so told him to take it with him. It's a gift for the whole family, for context the people living in the house are mil, bil, sil, and sil one child. (Bil and sil are brother and sister to each other, so not to be confused with being married to one another)

Anyways it's a gift that you can see would've took a lot of thought, all personalised, one gift is for the whole family and the other is for sil child.

Sil was upstairs so dh didn't see her. Bil and mil was very happy with it all and Bil told dh to tell me he says thank you so much.
My point is why can't he himself say thank you!?? A simple mssg won't take any effort at all.
Sil still hasn't mssgd to acknowledge the gift given to HER child!
Her level of entitlement pisses me off.
If someone gave my child a gift, I would ensure to thank the giver.
Bil does this type of thing all the time and so does sil actually, they don't seem to like me very much and always go out of the way to show they like the other dil so much, on our group chat. Had anyone else sent what I did, they would've by now taken a pic and sent on the group for everyone to see

Anyways Bil sent a funny meme on the group, after dh returned home. No fucking thank you for me?! It's almost like he's done it on purpose just to mssg on the group so I see it and wonder why he hasn't acknowledged what I gave. He doesn't usually send memes or unnecessary stuff on the group.

I just need a kick up my backside to never ever give them anything ever again so I won't need to feel like this!! I always say I won't, and yet time and time again I still do it!!

People do not really want to be grateful and they especially don't want to be very very grateful. Maybe they didn't really like or want your present anyway.

Looking at the exact wording of the OP it says ‘I prepared gifts earlier’

What does that even mean?

OP, your approach to this shows some concerning personality traits on your side. You should address this.

If your DH said gift is 'from us'...then thanking him for both of you is plenty. If he went in with 'DW asked me to give this gift...' then maybe they have a better idea who is behind it. And before everyone piles on saying men haven't s clue & don't give thoughtful gifts...the ones in my family actually do go to alot of trouble. Gifts are for giving...a thank you was received in return. If it does not make ypu happy to give the gift unless you are personally thanked or its plastered all over FB for the world to see, stop giving...or hand it over in person so you get thanked in person.

Have you tried giving nice presents?

Is anyone else thinking the gifts are crocheted big toe warmers or such like? 😂

@Butterflyfluff

Is anyone else thinking the gifts are crocheted big toe warmers or such like? 😂

Monogrammed big toe warmers.

What on earth are you sending them and why? I am confused.

Erm...what was the occasion? Do you actually give them gifts to see what reaction you'd be getting? Or because you genuinely want to do something nice for them? If it's the latter, just accept it that they thank you in their own ways rather than parading around the group chat or whatever, as you would expect it. YABU.

If my sister sent something for me via her dh, I would tell him to thank her on my behalf but I also would message or call my sister to personally thank her as it's from her
But that makes more sense, as you've given a gift to your sister.
DH has presented a gift to his family and been thanked for it. It's unreasonable for you to think you should be thanked separately (within minutes of the gift being received by the sounds of it).

Stop sending them gifts! What do they give you? Fuck all, I bet.

I was hoping for an explanation by now as to what these mysterious gifts are that are only from her and not her dh.
Also, why she is putting all this effort into creating personalised gifts when clearly none of dh's family pass her specific assessment of how grateful they ought to be.

There are 'gift' givers that do so for what THEY get out of it and you sound like one of them. If you are giving a gift for the attention you receive from it, of course you are going to be disappointed. How often do you 'prepare' these gifts? And why are they solely from you? That seems weird in itself? Why don't you examine your motivation for 'preparing' gifts for these people and go from there.

The fact that a thank you given to the presenter of the gift with the added request that YOU be thanked really is sufficient for most gift givers.

Tbh, if people for whom I were handcrafting gifts were that ungrateful, I'd stop doing it.

So DH was thanked, and you were also, as the BIL asked your DH to pass it on, but you're mad you did not get another thank you online?

Sounds just like my in-laws.

I have no expectations anymore though. We don't really have a relationship anyway so I stopped giving a f*ck.

Also when I send presents to their kids I do because I'm an amazing aunt and ultimately that's what important to me, that I'm the aunt I always wanted to have. 😄

So if you do something, make sure you do it for yourself. Or else just don't!

Do your husbands siblings spouses buy you personalised consumer products? Does your husband buy them crap from him, and remember all dates?
Just stop that nonsense, it’s embarrassing and a complete waste of time and money. Obviously

Such a bloody martyr 😂 don’t buy them gifts then if that’s how you feel ffs like

Marring Lewis did a segment on gift giving and how to makes others uncomfortable because they then feel the need to reciprocate and spend money they don’t have, until it gets out of control. So your gifts may not be welcomed on that basis, or if they don’t know you well enough to buy you something.

Stop doing it. Give to those who you make happy.

You said it yourself, so stop buying presents.How many thank you's do you want? Why do your gifts have to be talked about so much, and photographed I think you said. I am not being critical towards you, as you have your own feelings about gift giving,, but if the family are like they are, its going to keep making you annoyed and stressful if you keep buying gifts.and don't get much response from them. Stop spending your money on them !

I just need a kick up my backside to never ever give them anything ever again so I won't need to feel like this!! I always say I won't, and yet time and time again I still do it!!

Please please please stop buying presents. I cannot bear getting presents from people who are so obsessed with the absolute correct reaction. My aunt always says I didn't thank her. I've taken to copying in other relatives so when she says I didn't, they can say, "hold on she did". But I didn't do it exactly correctly.

It's incredibly hard work to receive presents from people like this and I'd much rather not. Honestly I don't feel grateful, it feels like a burden.

These people probably have no idea that they are not thanking you in a manner you find acceptable. They likely don't realise that you expect loads of attention and praise, or that you get so upset when they don't give it to you.

Stop. Let your husband sort out the obligatory gifts (birthday, Christmas) for his family, and don't give random gifts. It will only continue to make you angry when they don't give you the response you want, and your inner anger will eventually make its way out.

Please stop creating this huge obligation for everyone with those loaded where you expect such huge adoration for buying. That isn't a gift for them, it's for you to get all the praise. Dh had an aunt and cousin like that. They have met toddler DD twice (their choice) but send a gift to MIL. I then get bombarded with messages from PIL about thanking the aunt because if she doesn't get what she considers an adequate
Thank you, she'll go on and on about how rude we all are. Of course she feels it should fall to me because I have a vagina despite me also having a very busy job. I am also super appreciative of gifts for DD and usually send a thank you and photo of her with whatever it is but I literally dread gifts from that family now. They are more of a test or stick to beat me with.

Were the gifts expected or completely unsolicited?
OP, you sound like a lot of hard work. You sent a gift, a message was passed to your H to pass on the thanks to you, this should be enough for you. You sound like a nightmare, do you always overreact in this way?

You did get a thank you and that should be enough. Do you buy gifts only for the thank you?