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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there is too much pressure to formula feed?

481 replies

daffodilsandprimroses · 08/04/2021 15:36

I’ve been considering making this post for a while but was worried about being flamed - I probably will be.

I am definitely not speaking to or about the women who made a choice to formula feed, either from the start or after trying breastfeeding and deciding it wasn’t for them.

I am talking about the women like me who really wanted to breastfeed and tried.

I found the midwives were very quick to leap to pushing formula once breastfeeding wasn’t working. When ds lost weight after birth rather than helping support me to feed him we were put on a feeding plan involving formula.

Why is there no support for breastfeeding?

OP posts:
Funfairballoon · 08/04/2021 15:38

I felt the total opposite. I was pressured into breastfeeding by every single medical professional I came accross and they were horrible when he lost weight and essentially blamed me, his jaundice didn't go quickly either and they said it was because I wasn't feeding him enough.

I stopped trying to breastfeed the same day.

There was 0 support after that. When he had reflux I was told well maybe it wouldn't be so bad if you breastfed. Yeah brill thanks that'll take his pain anyway and help him keep milk down.

Yamaya · 08/04/2021 15:39

They probably just didn't want him to starve? There should be more support too. I breastfed my 2 with rocky starts and had to give formula a little bit at the beginning until breastfeeding was established.

ComDummings · 08/04/2021 15:39

Well if a baby is losing weight the most important thing is getting the baby some nutrition so formula is sometimes the only option. Babies can be formula fed while you work at breastfeeding. What else are the midwives meant to do - oh keep trying even though it is not working and your baby is at risk of basically starving because they’re losing weight.

SnuggyBuggy · 08/04/2021 15:40

I think there are still a lot of mixed messages from the NHS when it comes to breastfeeding. On the one hand they seem to genuinely believe in the health benefits but I think a lot of HCPs don't like how you can't quantify it in the same way and prefer the quick fix of formula.

I think people underestimate the impact of places having a formula feeding culture and the time it will take to move on from this influence.

ComDummings · 08/04/2021 15:40

I do agree that their should be more support for breastfeeding but I don’t agree there’s pressure to formula feed at all. Quite the opposite in my experience.

Original poster
daffodilsandprimroses · 08/04/2021 15:41

babies can be formula fed while you work at breastfeeding

They can but for a lot of babies it’s the beginning to the end. It definitely was for mine.

Obviously I didn’t want my ds to starve either, funnily enough, that’s definitely not what I wanted.

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 08/04/2021 15:41

The health of the baby is important. If babys weight drops too much and too quickly then the urgency should be on getting food into them, not on establishing (clearly challenging) breast feeding.

My newborn (dc2) was super cold when born and put under a heat lamp. Getting a big feed into him was essential. It simply wasnt good for him to lay on me for hours and hours suckling for a few drops.

Hankunamatata · 08/04/2021 15:44

Mw want healthy babies. Babies dropping weight too much isnt healthy

Original poster
daffodilsandprimroses · 08/04/2021 15:44

Perhaps his weight wouldn’t have dropped if I’d had help to breastfeed in the first place.

As he certainly wasn’t born losing weight and I had milk. It was simply logistics and to be frank no one could be arsed to help which does really upset me now.

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 08/04/2021 15:44

I agree. There’s so much pressure to breastfeed in the lead up to the birth but if there are any issues at all with latch or the baby’s weight, they don’t have the time or the money to support it, so formula is presented as the solution.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with formula feeding, my kids are all a mixture of bottle and breast but I definitely see issues in the breastfeeding culture in the UK.

LysistrataVickers · 08/04/2021 15:44

I disagree. The pressure to breast feed caused me years of PND when I was unable to do so because of tongue tie so I crucified myself by feeding exclusively expressed breast milk for 6 months. That meant pumping every 3 hours night and day regardless of whether DS was awake in the night. I'm still angry about it now 8 years later!

CloudFormations · 08/04/2021 15:44

It’s a bit shit - you get told relentlessly that breast is best until your baby is born, and then if there aren’t enough midwives to help you get it established you are advised to use formula. I only successfully got feeding established because I had the help of my mil who is a midwife. There needs to be way better breastfeeding support for new mums who want to breastfeed.

otterbaby · 08/04/2021 15:44

Yes, I struggled with breastfeeding at first and the midwives and health visitors were completely useless when it came to helping me. I found it strange how much they wanged on about it during pregnancy but then didn't have the tools or knowledge to help me once the baby was here. I only succeeded because I joined several Facebook forums and contacted my local La Leche League for guidance.

6 months EBF today in fact 🙂

user1493413286 · 08/04/2021 15:44

What I’ve noticed is that often midwives will give advice about formula feeding when there’s worries about weight gain but they don’t then give advice about how to go back to exclusive breast feeding so what starts out as a few top ups can end up with a mum formula feeding almost by accident.
I also very much felt from family members that whenever I said that I was finding breastfeeding hard they would say give a bottle when all I wanted was encouragement or just to vent

DinoHat · 08/04/2021 15:45

I breastfed my baby and was praised so much by HCP’s. BUT I had a difficult delivery and spent 5 hours in recovery where I had two midwives practically one on one. They were amazing and I asked SO many questions.

Back on the ward they told me to buzz if I needed help. I did and it was apparent it was an inconvenience to them.

I credit my feeding success to the attention and care I received from the two midwives in recovery. I don’t think I would have had the same experience had I gone straight to a ward.

Screwcorona · 08/04/2021 15:46

Yanbu
The midwives were really pushy to get me to supplement with formula when I had breastfeeding issues in hospital. Since they decided not to tell me about the 90%tongue tie noted at birth and crack on with my bleeding nipples for days in tears, I'm still a bit pissed off. We did manage to push through once home thankfully though.

Original poster
daffodilsandprimroses · 08/04/2021 15:46

That’s great otter, I’m really pleased you got it sorted Smile

My experiences mirror others then. I didn’t hear much pressure to breastfeed when pregnant but then I was clear that was what I wanted so I suppose they didn’t really need to pressure me. Then with a day old baby at the first hint of problems out came the cow and gate Sad

OP posts:
somuchlaundrytowash · 08/04/2021 15:46

No it's breastfeeding where they are the pushiest/ most annoying to deal with.

SnuggyBuggy · 08/04/2021 15:47

It's cruel how before birth its all EBF is the only way and let's not mention formula at all because it leaves those who have no choice but to use formula after birth with a load of unnecessary guilt. If EBF is so important there should be more milk banks.

Booboobadoo · 08/04/2021 15:48

I found breastfeeding support woeful if well intended. I felt under pressure from baby clinic to reduce breastfeeding after weaning and friends were always asking me when I was going to stop which I cheerfully ignored

NormanStangerson · 08/04/2021 15:51

I was put under massive pressure to breastfeed before, during and after having my baby. I couldn’t and not only that, I didn’t want to. But boy, was I made to feel bad for it.

Strangely enough, men have largely been the worst perpetrators of the judgemental comments. Though one woman who I thought was a friend repeatedly called my baby fat and laughed at him, blaming formula. Sad (he wasn’t fat by the way, just a little roly poly like I was as a baby, which he worked off when he started moving).

DinoHat · 08/04/2021 15:51

For expectant Mums, I’d highly recommend finding local breastfeeding groups and visiting before your baby arrives.

Original poster
daffodilsandprimroses · 08/04/2021 15:52

To be fair dino that’s been near enough impossible for the last year.

I don’t know how much of the problems we had were indirectly because of covid and how much is just normal.

OP posts:
Strangekindofwoman · 08/04/2021 15:55

Some women put too much pressure on themselves. They see FF when BF doesn't work out as a failure.

It's really not.

NCJustgetoverit · 08/04/2021 15:55

I think there is huge social pressure to formula feed rather than nhs pressure. I breastfed my children and aside from the looks and comments when attempting to do this in public, actually the worst thing was every time I mentioned anything negative about bf, it’s hard, tiring, mastitis etc, to any friend who was not breastfeeding they would question why I was still bothering, (even my mum asked me when I was going to stop!) when I said because I want to for x and y reason they would always get defensive as if it was an implied judgement on them. It wasn’t, I couldn’t give a shit how anyone else feeds their child, but if you breastfeed yourself, god help you if you want any support from anyone.