To think there is too much pressure to formula feed?

[daffodilsandprimroses]

I’ve been considering making this post for a while but was worried about being flamed - I probably will be.

I am definitely not speaking to or about the women who made a choice to formula feed, either from the start or after trying breastfeeding and deciding it wasn’t for them.

I am talking about the women like me who really wanted to breastfeed and tried.

I found the midwives were very quick to leap to pushing formula once breastfeeding wasn’t working. When ds lost weight after birth rather than helping support me to feed him we were put on a feeding plan involving formula.

Why is there no support for breastfeeding?

I found the midwives were very quick to leap to pushing formula once breastfeeding wasn’t working. When ds lost weight after birth rather than helping support me to feed him we were put on a feeding plan involving formula.

Why is there no support for breastfeeding?

I had a similar experience with my first. As I had gestational diabetes during pregnancy, once baby was out they wanted my DD to feed within the first 60/90 mins to manage and check DDs blood sugar levels. When I couldn’t get DD to latch they were like here is a bottle of formula, now feed her. After much discussion, I managed to obtain a feeding tube for DD to suck on from my finger as I didn’t want her getting attached to a bottle.

Hours later a breastfeeding midwife attended at my bedside to help with latching. Within 10 mins she declared that as I had had an ELCS that it wouldn’t be possible to BF today due to drugs in my body and left me and baby.

Thankfully I had arranged for a private beastfeedong consultant to attend me that evening, and latch and breastfeeding then eventually started from there. But I had effectively no support from the midwives on the overly busy post natal ward.

My view is it is all about money. BF is not a priority on NHS wards and there is insufficient money and resources given to support women to BF.

I don't know what it's like now but tgst was definitely the case 12 yes ago. I had twins and the staff member who was supposed to help me in hospital kept telling me how if they were hers she'd just formula feed them!...I didn't but if they'd been my first and I'd not known it gets easier I probably would've given up when there was no real reason too.

YANBU

I agree with everything you've said daffodils.

Of course a large part of the part of the problem (for me at least but I'm sure for a lot of other people) is than an awful lot of the people coming into your home after you've had a baby and calling themselves breastfeeding experts have never actually breastfed themselves. Can someone tell me how that is supposed to work? Would you take driving lessons from someone who couldn't drive?! The NHS need to fund proper, qualified breastfeeding support or they might as well just give up attempting to stress the importance of breastfeeding altogether.

In my case with my first baby I was told to top up with formula, two ounces every three hours after a breastfeed. Three days later he still hadn't put any weight on. And by that point my milk supply was already badly compromised. Because the amount he was drinking wasn't the problem, and apart from him not gaining weight as quickly as they would have liked there was no sign that this was the case. He was alert, not dehydrated, was pooing and weeing as much, if not more than expected. I did go on feed him until three with the use of a SNS, because of the damage to my milk supply and his bottle preference after all the top ups. I can easily understand how someone in my position would have given up. I nearly did. But, like you say daffodils, it was important to me and that matters.

Two reasons.

Medical staff are overwhelmed and it gets you off the books.

There is a big culture at the moment of 'supporting' every choice a person makes and if you don't support it then obviously you must be judging it. So midwives offer it So they aren't flamed for not supporting a choice they inthink you are likely to make because most women formula feed within a few months any way.

There was loads of BF support where I live, midwives and HV were very encouraging from the start. No pressure to FF here (even though BF rates low). They were delighted I wanted to do it I think.
I did 3 days in a postnatal unit which is really geared up for BF with 24/7 support.
It does vary by area though.
All of my NCT group got to 12months+ EBF

*Hours later a breastfeeding midwife attended at my bedside to help with latching. Within 10 mins she declared that as I had had an ELCS that it wouldn’t be possible to BF today due to drugs in my body and left me and baby.

Thankfully I had arranged for a private beastfeedong consultant to attend me that evening, and latch and breastfeeding then eventually started from there. But I had effectively no support from the midwives on the overly busy post natal ward.*

That is absolutely shocking. I can't believe she had the audacity to give you such incorrect advice because she was unable to help you. It's great you could get a qualified lactation consultant, if that service had been available on the wards there would be better outcomes for everyone.

Total opposite for me. I was barely functioning after the traumatic birth of my baby with 3rd degree tears and huge bloodloss. Every time I said how much I was struggling with breastfeeding I had hands on my boobs shoving them in baby's mouth, referrals to breastfeeding group (when I could barely sit without crying), advice on how to do it better. I asked what I needed for formula feeding and was told they couldn't advise. I was at breaking point. Hubby went and bought random stuff and the following day I started to enjoy motherhood. I felt let down, as if I failed my child and my mental health was not even on the agenda. I found the no-platforming of 'formula feeding' at the time abhorrent and I was failed. I still feel angry about how I was looked at, dealt with and spoken to when inside I was screaming. All the promotion of breast is best has to stop. Each mother should do what is right for them and their child and should have advice available on both sides.

I’ve had three children and with each one I’ve been bullied and berated into breastfeeding, then shamed when I stopped. I find there’s far more pressure to BF than there is to FF, a feeding plan with formula is the standard go to if a baby is losing weight whilst BF is being established. Sounds like they did try to help?

My experience was the exact opposite. My baby wasn't putting weight on when I was EBF to the point that they wanted to admit him to hospital. There was so much pressure on me to continue to breastfeed and I was even told that if he was admitted then it would enable us to get help and that was preferable to moving to formula by the health visitor. She also told me that if I swapped to formula I wasn't making the best choice for my baby and it would affect his health throughout his life and stated 'there is no way we are moving to formula here'. In the end I ignored them and swapped to mixed expressing and formula feeding and he is now thriving and much healthier and we avoided hospital.

The issue here seems to be how inconsistent postnatal support is in different regions being pushed to breastfeed or formula feed at the detriment of you and your child. If you want to EBF then you should get ample support to enable you to do so before it reaches the point of hospitalisation and if you want to formula feed then you should be able to without being pressurised or made to feel like you are harming your child.

I agree OP. It’s a total lottery as to whether you get a midwife who is breastfeeding-friendly, or whether there is good breastfeeding support in your local area. I held out for 4 days trying alone, latching difficulties, desperately trying new positions. Midwife manually helped me to express milk into syringe - tiny amounts. Went into hospital and a senior midwife cheerily manhandled my son into a sideways rugby hold and my baby just drank and drank. Without these two women I’d have been likely on formula by day 5.

When you are years down the line you will realise that it really doesn't matter. I believe that they push the idea of it as when it all works out breastfeeding is fab. But if it isnt going so well then baby being fed is the most important thing and you often dont have the luxury of lots of time to figure it all out, baby needs fed now, end of story. It's also quite difficult to help someone else feed their baby in my experience. The latch can look perfect from outside but it can still go wrong and its just one of those things.

I gave birth to my first outside the U.K. where breastfeeding rates are much higher and moved when LO was a few months old. The support I received was non existent but I paid to see an LC/Midwife and she changed my breastfeeding journey complexly, and the advice she gave was fairly simple. I'd happily pay for more support but finding that support local to me in the Midlands was impossible- the closest LC i could find was 30 miles away! 🤷‍♀️ I also had so many family members "commenting" on breastfeeding and the number of "well meaning" stories I had to hear about someones DIL/DD/cousin/niece who did so so well for BFing for two days/2 weeks and that's all the baby really needs and I shouldn't be feeding a 3/4/5/8/12/15 month old. You learn to just ignore it!

I do agree with OP that the support is hugely lacking in the NHS for breastfeeding but I also disagree that FF is forced. I do think having read the PP that it really depends where in the country you are which midwives are on shift.

I really wish everyone was allowed to make their own feeding choices and supported regardless of what that choice is. Fed is best!

@LookMoreCloselier

When you are years down the line you will realise that it really doesn't matter. I believe that they push the idea of it as when it all works out breastfeeding is fab. But if it isnt going so well then baby being fed is the most important thing and you often dont have the luxury of lots of time to figure it all out, baby needs fed now, end of story. It's also quite difficult to help someone else feed their baby in my experience. The latch can look perfect from outside but it can still go wrong and its just one of those things.

I’m years down the line and I disagree.

Of course it’s best for baby to be fed and a tense, miserable mother is awful when there’s an easy solution. But breastfeeding is important, and the culture we have around breastfeeding in the UK is woeful. I think it’s important that we examine the reasons why.

And aside from anything else, it’s mothers who are being failed - pressured into breastfeeding then guilt tripped when it doesn’t work. At a time when hormones are sky-high and PND is a very real concept, it’s not good enough.

Should have added, at no point in the four days did anyone mention formula to me, which suggests that where I am there is relatively good breastfeeding support, but agree this is not the case everywhere. I also think because there’s always formula available, and breastfeeding can be more difficult and emotional to start off with, it’s quite easy just to suggest formula to calm a struggling new mum’s anxiety.

I found the opposite. So much pressure to breast feed.

I really wanted to, and when asked at a midwife appointment I said I fully intended to, but due to my anxiety I was trying not to put pressure on myself, so would try and see how it went (we’d just gone through the importance of flexibility with regard to a birth plan for the same reason). She pursed her lips and went on to list all the awful things that could happen to my baby if I formula fed.

After giving birth, the breastfeeding midwife came to see me to help with the latch, and my community midwife did the same at home. But he lost too much weight and we had to be readmitted. He was severely jaundiced, and the doctor said he had to have x amount of milk every 2 hours. This had to be bottle fed as it needed to be measured, and also he was in an incubator. The nurses were fab, set me up with a pumping machine so I could express. He came home 2 days later, he fed well from that point and put on weight. Physically I found breastfeeding easy.

But I hated it. I hated every second he was latched on. I got severe PND. I expressed so DW could do one expressed bottle first thing in the morning to help me catch up on sleep. He had no issue switching between the two.

I desperately wanted to stop, but everywhere I turned people were extolling the virtues of breastfeeding. Eventually at 4 months I broke down at the HV clinic and said I was thinking of mix feeding to give me a break, I said I was massively depressed and that I thought breastfeeding was making it worse. She told me I could make my baby sick, but it was my choice.

I felt like the worst mother in the world. When my DW gave him his first bottle of formula I cried for an hour, I felt guilty for feeling relieved.

I carried on mix feeding until 8 months and then stopped breastfeeding altogether. Only at that point did I feel able to bond with him. The PND lasted a long time.

Agree with Pumper - it does matter, and breastfeeding culture generally in U.K. is woeful, good choice of word!

It does matter and thank you for saying that.

No pressure at all to formula feed and definitely very pro breastfeeding where we live. Loved breast feeding and had loads of support and a wonderful health visitor and breastfeeding counsellor.

Yanbu op, formula-feeding is definitely seen as the norm / the done thing in the uk. I breastfed until nearly a year and a half and didn't use formula at all but agree there was definitely a pressure to FF. Gems include "what about the dad? They won't have a bond!", "rod for your own back" and several questions along the lines of "when are you giving up?" / "are you still breastfeeding".

When I was pregnant I got told "I know you want to breastfeed, but let's face it and be realistic, you'll have to bottle feed".

I agree with you OP. In my experience there was lots and lots of talk about bf. Bf is best. You should try it etc. Some may call that 'pressure.' When it came down to it the support was not there. Any time I buzzed for assistance on the ward I was met with very frosty responses and offered formula. The same in the community. They were not able or willing to support but still talked about the support available if I wanted to. I really desperately wanted to but felt that it was the lack of actual support that made me unable to continue.

@daffodilsandprimroses

It does matter and thank you for saying that.

My experience was massive pressure from HCP to breastfeed while pregnant, breastfeeding was painted as a magical sunshine and rainbows experience where your baby will know exactly what to do and will just crawl out of your bag and latch themselves straight on. I did loads of research, felt really keen and really well informed.

Then I gave birth. And while there continued to be enthusiasm for BF, there was no HELP immediately available. No one in the postnatal ward could actually HELP. Even though at first I couldn't move my legs and had a drip in one arm. They just bleated on about the signs of a good latch and how if you're doing it right it shouldn't hurt. It was so difficult to find someone to actually help me achieve BF, not just tell me the theory of it, and I had been totally brainwashed into thinking that the first drop of formula meant the end of BF forever.

I complained some months later, particularly that we weren't given more info about mixed feeding. The BF lady said that if they let women know they can give a bottle alongside breastfeeding, everyone would do it and no one would EBF. What the actual fuck. Maybe some FF women would decide to breastfeed a bit if it wasn't all or nothing!

I think the reason many women have formula shoved at them is because effective breastfeeding support is simply not present in the hospital. Babies need to eat, obviously, so if BF isn't doing that then the other option is not help with BF, it's formula. Good BF support absolutely exists, but you have to battle your way through layers of people who think you're a moron and try to tell you the signs of a good latch when by now I could teach the fucking class myself.

LOL I had catastrophically high blood pressure after birth, which could have been fixed by taking blood pressure pills, but they wouldn't prescribe them to me as I was breastfeeding. When I suggested a bottle fed baby with a living mother was preferable to breast feeding, the maternity team cried mental illness/it's your hormones dear.

Still can't believe they were willing to throw me under a bus like that. Breastfeeding nazis!

what I mean is, when you have a baby the feeding part is all consuming. Later you realise as long as they were fed that's all that mattered. I don't think the nhs has it too wrong as encouraging us before birth is good as every breastfeed baby has is beneficial but also recognising that if it's going wrong then baby being fed is the important thing and no judgement.

I gave birth ten years ago and planned on breastfeeding. We had trouble initially and the midwives kept pushing formula. I had GD and baby ended up with low blood sugars and in NICU, where an older midwife took a lot of time and patience manhandling me and showing me what to do. Which was brilliant. But once back on the ward the formula was pushed again. I ended up mix-feeding and once tongue tie was snipped, we got to a point where we rarely used formula. I felt they were quick to suggest formula, as were various members of my family. Breastfed for nearly three years in the end. And it might surprise those who say four years down the line it won’t matter that about 44 years down the line from me being bottle fed and facing a medical procedure, I was asked how I’d been fed as a baby and that it actually did matter.