To think there is too much pressure to formula feed?

[daffodilsandprimroses]

I’ve been considering making this post for a while but was worried about being flamed - I probably will be.

I am definitely not speaking to or about the women who made a choice to formula feed, either from the start or after trying breastfeeding and deciding it wasn’t for them.

I am talking about the women like me who really wanted to breastfeed and tried.

I found the midwives were very quick to leap to pushing formula once breastfeeding wasn’t working. When ds lost weight after birth rather than helping support me to feed him we were put on a feeding plan involving formula.

Why is there no support for breastfeeding?

100% agree with the OP. Pushy midwives and assistants pressuring me to FF my very poorly baby despite pead and NICU supporting breastfeeding. Wasn't even a weight issue as he only lost 3%....

It results is quicker discharge and it frees up a bed.

I support women to chose but ultimately feeding naturally is beneficial for the health of both mum and baby and those not advocating it when a mother is willing and able to breastfeed are not acting in a child's best interests.

I had the opposite experience with my first baby although this was 20 years ago. His first 10 days were made completely miserable with the struggle made worse with my milk not arriving for 3 days.

It was years before I stopped feeling guilty about it and looking back it feline there was a lot of judgement from professionals but not much in the way of practical support.

Look, I understand some people feel just feeding them - breast, bottle or both - is the only important thing.

That isn’t the case for me. I wanted to breastfeed. It was important to me. If it wasn’t for you, the fact it matters to me isn’t a judgement on you or your parenting.

I think the midwives are often too busy to help women who are struggling with breastfeeding. Sometimes it takes time and patience and someone latching your baby on for you. That's all time consuming.

I completely agree with you btw. I gave birth to my first child in a country where you weren't discharged until breastfeeding was established and my second child in a hospital where the HCA's push around trollies of formula saying "milk? Anyone need milk?".

I wish pregnant women wouldn't interpret the question " are you going to breast feed" as pressure. sometimes people just want to chat/share experience/be nosy! Ignore.

I would say lack of breastfeeding support is because breastfeeding is poorly understood by many of the healthcare professionals who work in prenatal and postnatal care. There is little time and little incentive to build and maintain knowledge of it.

I'm a breastfeeding peer supporter and women have told me so many ludicrous things that their midwives, HVs and GPs have told them about breastfeeding...

Also, if a health professional has had a poor experience of breastfeeding support herself and has not been afforded the chance to process or come to terms with it (through professional supervision or counselling, for example), their negative feelings about it can adversely influence the support they provide.

@whyhell0there

I would say lack of breastfeeding support is because breastfeeding is poorly understood by many of the healthcare professionals who work in prenatal and postnatal care. There is little time and little incentive to build and maintain knowledge of it.

I'm a breastfeeding peer supporter and women have told me so many ludicrous things that their midwives, HVs and GPs have told them about breastfeeding...

Yes, and most new mums haven't grown up around breastfeeding women in a culture where breastfeeding is normal and nobody questions whether " you'll be able" to do it.

I completely agree. I had a preemie who wouldn't latch and I was expressing for her in the hope she'd eventually latch on. A BF support worker came out and told me without the "cuddle hormone" my milk would be nutritionally redundant and I'd have to top up with formula anyway. I was a first time mum who was feeling quite overwhelmed so I listened to her and switched to formula and I'm so angry and upset to this day. I now know what she told me was utter bollocks.
It's funny cause you go to the antenatal clinic and there's all these posters about the pros of breastfeeding but when it comes down to it they cba to help you.
After my daughter was born I was asked what formula I wanted her to have as her blood sugars were low (I'm type 1 diabetic) and then we were sent off to the postnatal ward with a load of formula. Breastfeeding wasn't even discussed but when my milk came in a couple of days later I decided to try it.
Sorry that was a bit rambley! I'm honestly still so fucking gutted about this, she's nearly three and I still think about it every day.

It was important to me, then. I was just trying to be kind in that when your kids are teenagers I doubt you will care, maybe you will though so thats fine.

^ absolutely. We have lost our collective knowledge about breastfeeding.

OP, you might be interested in this book: www.pinterandmartin.com/amp/why-breastfeeding-grief-and-trauma-matter

Sorry, my last comment was referring to Frogartist's one

YANBU in my opinion. My baby wouldht stop crying the first or second night in the hospital as milk hadn't come in yet (not surprisingly since I'd had a 4 day labour). I was half out if it and they whisked her away and fed her a bottle before I realised what was going on. Both of mine had tongue tie that was checked numerous times in hospital and they said they couldn't find anything. I did find a great breastfeeding support group in my area but had to get tongue tie snipped privately. There was a 6 week waiting list locally so what's the point, you can't feed with bleeding nipples for that long without going crazy. Nct was shit as well, the breastfeeding session was just a run through of different positions to hold the baby in while feeding, no mention of the common problems.

I found the pressure comes from society rather than healthcare systems. Lots of people have an opinion on breastfeeding in public, lots of people have an opinion on feeding older babies (lots of people told me, unprompted, I should give up after 6 weeks as there was no benefit to it after this), lots of people ask how your baby is sleeping and then advise to offer them a bottle of formula to help them sleep longer, lots of people advise you unpromtped to use formula to give you a break from the baby, friends say you should use formula so you can go out drinking with them, whenever you have an emotional moment people suggest that things might just be easier all round if you gave them formula. In the end I couldn't as both of mine turned into bottle refusers early on, but there was a definite judgement that I was being some sort of martyr by breastfeeding. You're not allowed to say anything positive about breastfeeding in case you are seen as 'shaming' anyone who can't, and you can't ever moan about it in case anyone gets offended because they couldn't and didn't get that experience. It can be lonely and isolating.

I think there is a lot of pressure to breastfeed as well though especially from health professionals...just no support to follow it through properly.

Yeah, I had a lot of support breastfeeding, but there were lots of professionals plus family and friends who kept telling me life would be easier if I formula fed.

I felt massively pressured to bf and I just didn’t want to. Once the baby was born I was made to feel like an abject failure by everyone from the nurses in the hospital, to nursery staff, to the woman who processed my son’s visa at immigration.

I think from this thread the real pattern emerging is that women can’t get it right. Breastfeeding? You should be formula feeding. Formula feeding? Bad mother, you should be breastfeeding.

Makes sense as women are seen as generally deficient. We can’t even be trusted to look after the babies we produce. Even the ‘best’ woman is still just that - a woman, and therefore lacking in some sense.

I feel like it’s acceptable to breastfeed to a certain point (about 6 weeks) or to mixed feed, but I’ve personally had a lot of pressure from family to feed from a bottle.

Maybe because they would like to feed DS when they can finally meet him. But we’ve been lucky enough that I have been able to exclusively breastfeed DS for 14 weeks and counting. I am asked weekly when I’m going to stop and just give him a bottle like “normal”

I’m very lucky that I live in a hospital trust that is gold standard for breastfeeding support with drop in centres etc.

@FartnissEverbeans

I felt massively pressured to bf and I just didn’t want to. Once the baby was born I was made to feel like an abject failure by everyone from the nurses in the hospital, to nursery staff, to the woman who processed my son’s visa at immigration.

I think from this thread the real pattern emerging is that women can’t get it right. Breastfeeding? You should be formula feeding. Formula feeding? Bad mother, you should be breastfeeding.

Makes sense as women are seen as generally deficient. We can’t even be trusted to look after the babies we produce. Even the ‘best’ woman is still just that - a woman, and therefore lacking in some sense.

I don’t think that’s fair, nobody is criticising mothers who chose to formula feed.

But there is a conversation to be had about the lack of support available to mothers who want to breastfeed but can’t. Or at least, can’t to the standard that the NHS wants, which is every baby gaining X amount of weight by X weeks. And formula being offered as a solution because there isn’t enough time or money to give decent, supportive breastfeeding help.

I had completely the opposite. I felt. Complete failure that I couldn't breastfeed bad was totally made to feel like it was my fault for not trying hard/long enough. I was completely traumatised by it. I still feel guilty I didn't breastfeed my son.

I think women need personalised care at one of their most vulnerable times.

@FartnissEverbeans

I felt massively pressured to bf and I just didn’t want to. Once the baby was born I was made to feel like an abject failure by everyone from the nurses in the hospital, to nursery staff, to the woman who processed my son’s visa at immigration.

I think from this thread the real pattern emerging is that women can’t get it right. Breastfeeding? You should be formula feeding. Formula feeding? Bad mother, you should be breastfeeding.

Makes sense as women are seen as generally deficient. We can’t even be trusted to look after the babies we produce. Even the ‘best’ woman is still just that - a woman, and therefore lacking in some sense.

Sorry, should have added, I don’t think there’s anything wrong at all with choosing not to breastfeed, bodily autonomy is also very important and I will always argue the case that it’s the woman’s right to choose what a happens to her own body.

formula being offered as a solution because there isn’t enough time or money to give decent, supportive breastfeeding help.

Exactly.

If you choose to formula feed that’s fine. But some women choosing to formula feed doesn’t mean it’s okay not to provide support to women who want to breastfeed.

The formula companies must love our stretched NHS.

@daffodilsandprimroses

strangekindwoman but it’s also the easiest and cheapest solution. Which is fine if the mum wants to go down the formula route.

ruby I actually do find it a bit offensive to have my breastfeeding struggles compared to an Easter egg, to be honest

Yes, I think many people don't realise or understand the huge, crushing disappointment, sadness and guilt that many women feel, when they have not been able to feed their baby in the way they'd hoped or intended to.

I voted YABU, I had access to breastfeeding support but it just seemed really difficult to get her to latch correctly. In hindsight I wish I had stressed less and just used formula sooner. In fact formula support might have been good as we are pretty sure we overfed at first

I think it probably depends on the area and the confidence and knowledge of the midwife. My daughter lost a lot of weight initially as it took a long time for my milk to come in. I was supported to breastfeed and continued to do so for a year and I was extremely grateful for the amount of support I had access to in my area. The best way to increase supply is for the baby to suck so if it is full with formula it wont. I was given help with expressing to establish myy supply and some donated breast milk to give after my daughter had tried to feed.

As he certainly wasn’t born losing weight

OP he probably was. The vast majority of babies lose weight in the few days immediately after birth and it’s really important for their health that they regain that weight relatively quickly.

I do appreciate that you and some others received inadequate support, but how long should a doctor or midwife leave it before they intervene and suggest formula? In their view the health of the baby is what’s important, not the mothers emotional attachment to breastfeeding. And for some
women they will continue to struggle to feed even with a lot of support so support alone doesn’t always solve the issue.

My midwives were the opposite and didn’t recommend formula top ups when my second was losing weight drastically, with a history of very low milk supply with my first. I took the decision into my own hands and was bloody glad I did.

I found that with general issues probably faced by 99% of BF mums the support was fine and easily accessible. I didn’t get any answers or explanation regarding my lack of breast changes in pregnancy or my babies weights dropping off a cliff despite appearing to feed normally.