To think there is too much pressure to formula feed?

[daffodilsandprimroses]

I’ve been considering making this post for a while but was worried about being flamed - I probably will be.

I am definitely not speaking to or about the women who made a choice to formula feed, either from the start or after trying breastfeeding and deciding it wasn’t for them.

I am talking about the women like me who really wanted to breastfeed and tried.

I found the midwives were very quick to leap to pushing formula once breastfeeding wasn’t working. When ds lost weight after birth rather than helping support me to feed him we were put on a feeding plan involving formula.

Why is there no support for breastfeeding?

I guess this suggests there needs to be a balance where it's understood some mums really do want to do whatever it takes to BF and others are happy to go 'It's not working out, let's go to bottle'.

I couldn't make BFing work with DD at all, but did with DS afterwards (3 intial weeks of agony, tho!), so I do see it from both sides. I'm not at all one to be guilted about things, so I was delighted to switch to bottle with DD because it enabled us both to be happier and bond more than with breastfeeding that just wasn't working out, but I do feel sad so many mums do themselves down if they can't bf.

Back on the ward they told me to buzz if I needed help. I did and it was apparent it was an inconvenience to them

THIS^ is a massive issue that comes up in every single thread about childbirth or any linked issues.

I was totally appalled at what happened when I was put onto post labour ward. I was very lucky in that my DH stayed with, due to a horrific sexual assault I knew giving birth would be very triggering. I had a MH plan in place, months of counselling beforehand but was a big risk for PND/psychosis. All of this fully prepped for, midwives all aware.

I went into shock, couldn’t eat, speak or function at all. Midwives put DH and I in the room, stuck compression socks on me without trying to engage me. Then left and didn’t return till the next morning.

My DH buzzed several times and got irritated heads stuck around the door telling him basically to get on with it as they were busy. I vaguely remember a young health care assistant helping DH give DS a ready made bottle we’d taken. DH had never handled a new born and was terrified.
I stared at the ceiling until the sun rose and didn’t come out of shock, eat, drink or function until I got home later that day.

DS was EBF to 12 months but my lord I was just very lucky as nobody was helping us in hospital. Understaffed and overworked is not an excuse for inadequate care or neglect of women and babies at such a vulnerable time.

I genuinely can't identify with either side of this debate tbh. I breastfed my son but encountered no pressure whatsoever to do so. When I switched to formula when he was 4 months old I experienced no pressure nor any judgement on that side either.

strangekindwoman but it’s also the easiest and cheapest solution. Which is fine if the mum wants to go down the formula route.

ruby I actually do find it a bit offensive to have my breastfeeding struggles compared to an Easter egg, to be honest

@user1493413286 I agree, I had a similar experience to you. It was like once the aptamil box seal was broken to get his weight up the breastfeeding support was completely forgotten about. Definitely contributed to my PND in hindsight. I wish feeding advice and support didn't feel so segregated, pick one of two camps kind of thing. Just my experience and I have no clue how to address it, but did feel like there's an element of Harry hill "fight" between only two options.

My experience was the total opposite, so much pressure to breastfeed and not just to breastfeed, but to exclusively breastfeed, as if introducing even the odd bottle of formula was some huge evil event that would instantly mean the end of breastfeeding. I struggled with severe pain and consequent mental ill health breastfeeding and expressing for 12 weeks and then packed it in as despite loads of breastfeeding support visits nobody could identify or fix the pain issue. With hindsight I wish I had stopped the breastfeeding earlier as the suffering was immense and probably pointless. My DD for example has eczema, queried asthma, a shellfish allergy and is a fussy eater after all.

I think I got really lucky and it seems very different in different areas. Always intended to breastfeed, but mainly for convenience and cost reasons.

I was also with 1-1 midwives, who don't exist any more unfortunately, and had a home birth, so all my appointments before and after birth were in my home so very personal.

Breast fed for 24hr- baby destroyed my nipples with severe tongue tie. Had a (free) lactation consultant out for a home visit within 36 hrs of birth (and on phone/text before that). Expressed and gave formula top-ups for first 3 weeks while my nipples healed, tongue tie was sorted and tried to re-establish breast feeding. Had nothing but support from midwife (regular visits for first 6 weeks after birth), lactation consultant and home visitor- all gave advice but also listened to my concerns and reasons for doing things a certain way. They were focused on baby gaining weight and me having the support I needed in establishing breast feeding, as that is what I said I wanted.

I was also given details of all the breast feeding support groups at children's centres in my area - attended one and got hands on support with positioning and other tips.

There is also a national helpline (although I never used it).

I also attended a mum's breastfeeding group I found on Facebook- but this was more of a social thing, but great for building confidence with a group of supportive mum's to get used to getting your boobs out in public.

My experience definitely would have been different with Covid restrictions, although most of my support came from the 1-1 midwife team.

Also have no experience like some have of family and friends suggesting formula. SIL breastfed, as did majorly of my friends (although I can't even tell you who definitely did, who combi-fed and how long they breastfed for as it just wasn't on my radar to keep track).

Feel very lucky for the support I had. So definitely a different experience to you- I found that there was a lot of support from different sources, my biggest hurdle was asking for the help as I find that difficult in general.

I guess it’s different for everyone then as I experienced no pressure to breastfeed at all, even when I had my csection I was asked how I was feeding the baby before hand so they were prepared, I said breastfeeding but she misheard me and said “formula ok.” I literally had to shout back “no breastfeeding” as she was walking off before I even had a chance to correct her

I think there’s too much judgment and lack of support, full stop. You will come across this countless times OP, I am sad to say. I felt judged when breastfeeding failed the first time around and judged the second time for breastfeeding too much and too long. You can’t bloody win as a new mum and it’s horrible.

I agree with PP who said there needs to be more support / info on mixed feeding as well. There’s an IBCLC on Facebook I follow called Lucy Ruddle who has a book on it coming out soon in case that’s helpful to anyone

I experienced this too. I breastfed all of my DC but when DC4 was born he had jaundice and didn’t regain his birth weight as quickly as they wanted. He was gaining weight, just not as quickly as their guidelines suggested he should so they tried to push me to formula feed or at least mix feed. I stood my ground because I was adamant I did not want to FF at all and he was absolutely fine. They tried to get me to FF DC5 when he was first born too in hospital, I can’t even remember why now but think it was so I could sleep. I was quite shocked by their attitude really considering how low breastfeeding rates are in the U.K.

@daffodilsandprimroses

babies can be formula fed while you work at breastfeeding

They can but for a lot of babies it’s the beginning to the end. It definitely was for mine.

Obviously I didn’t want my ds to starve either, funnily enough, that’s definitely not what I wanted.

Completely agree, ended up with major bottle preference here and is now totally bottle fed at 15 weeks

funfairballon you took the words right out of my mouth!

I felt nothing but huge crushing pressure to breast feed from the hospital to home.

There is a huge under-funding issue in post natal care. I wanted to breast feed, couldn't establish, on recovery MW just shook their heads and said they would get someone to come and help, no one ever came. I was on recovery for over 24 hours so pretty unwell. I formula fed as no other option. A few weeks later I attended a child safety in the home workshop, the woman leading it went off a tangent and started waxing lyrical about breast is best while I silently weeped while giving my baby a bottle. I'm still so fucking angry about it. At my post feedback session to the hospital (can't remember the fancy name for it) the senior MW admitted that their BF expert just sat in her office writing out policies

Total opposite when i had mine, I wanted to FF and the nurses and midwives were really trying to push me into BF when I did not want to and clearly told them that multiple times. It was really irritating

I was pushed massively to BF and to continue it even after I had difficulty. One of the health visitors even suggested I would damage my bond with my baby if I didn’t BF. I was so hormone riddled that I really just internalised it and kept going past the point where I wanted to stop, looking back I wish I had told her to fuck off.

I guess it just depends on your area, but I was made to feel like a failure for even suggesting stopping BF.

@daffodilsandprimroses

To be fair dino that’s been near enough impossible for the last year.

I don’t know how much of the problems we had were indirectly because of covid and how much is just normal.

Yes - but they should be opening back up now

Yabu. Very area dependant. I have 2 DS. DS1 I bf until 3 weeks, then switched to formula. Currently bfing DS2 who is nearly 5 months. IMO there is far more pressure to bf than ff. Of course you need to get food in your baby if he isnt eating. I wouldnt be impressed with a midwife who told you to crack on with bf if your baby was losing weight

I obviously have had my baby during the pandemic and whilst the support on the ward was non existant, I had so much support once home. Several home visits and his tongue tie cut the day after ot was discovered at about 10 days.

I've done both ff and bf and in my opinion the pressure comes from bfing.

@Frogartist

What kind of actual pressure is there to breast feeding before the baby is born? From health professionals? Or friends and family?

I had a leaflet about it from the midwife, but no pressure.

I did an antenatal group and when I expressed open mindedness about how I might feed, I was met with a lecture on my responsibility and duty to try breastfeeding, how it was best and how it was an integral part of motherhood. Wow. I was very unwell in my pregnancy and the women running the course knew this.

I then became wary of what I said to people and would provide non-committal answers to anyone who asked. And lots of people asked me. Male friends, female friends, inlaws, health professionals (slightly more understandable) and strangers... I was asked when I was queuing in a supermarket?! I had been minding my own business but for some reason having a bump causes a fucking weird reaction in some people.

All these people wanted to know and nearly all of them professed an expectation that I should at least try to breastfeed. It was generally professed that FF was a negative thing. One person referred to FF as ‘junk’, and one told me I was jumping to the last resort.

I was an unlikely parent (for a number of reasons) and people felt they had the right to have a say over my body, my baby and my choices. Absolutely batshit.

filthy at no point did I want a midwife to say ‘your baby is losing weight, crack on with breastfeeding’

But I do think when you say ‘I really want to breastfeed’ support other than ‘give him formula’ should be forthcoming.

No antenatal classes here due to covid so maybe that’s why I didn’t experience pressure to breastfeed.

That isn’t my experience- with my first the pressure to breastfeed was insane and I was effectively brainwashed that it was the only safe way to feed my child. I was absolutely desperate and determined that no ounce of formula would ever go near him, and the breastfeeding support was constant (probably too much).

We had an absolute disaster of it with both he and I ending up hospitalised. I so wish bottles and the options had been discussed fairly and non judgementally. When we swapped to bottles I still needed support and it was non existent - my health visitor actually told me “sorry we don’t support artificial feeding”!!! Needless to say I was left with my MH in tatters and it really ruined the first year of being a mum.

3 years on and had my second. I’m bottle feeding expressed breastmilk and the support has been really good again. (Not so full on this time, but perhaps I haven’t noticed as I don’t really give a shit what others opinions are this time around!)

My DS lost 10% of his birth weight by day 3 but I knew my milk had come in that morning and was confident that was the answer. Midwives were concerned but I said I knew my milk was in now and Lo and behold he gained it all plus some by the next weigh in so surpassed expectations by the next weigh in.

I’m glad I had confidence in my own judgment as that could have been the beginning of the end for me.

I had the opposite experience both times.
The best response was with my first child, when I broke down in tears and told my health visitor I didn't want to breastfeed anymore. My son was a few days old.
This absolute gem of a woman just said "then stop". She saved my sanity. Before that I had been pressured and manhandled by various midwives and hvs, and I wasn't experienced enough to say NO!
I am breastfeeding my second right now (almost nine months) and I am doing it because it has worked for us this time.
Neither time were interventions sought or necessary.
Breast or formula. Both are choices and both are equally valid. Breastmilk isn't some magical liquid, and it doesn't provide everything a baby needs... that's why you need to give vitamins to breastfed babies but not to those who are formula fed!!
Breastmilk doesn't cure all illnesses, despite what another health visitor, who told me to squirt it into my baby's conjunctivitis might believe!

My antenatal classes were via Zoom, in the first lockdown. It was so uncomfortable being berated for being open minded about how I was going to feed.

There isn't too much pressure to formula feed. There's too little support to breastfeed. Then when people don't get the support they stop and formula is conveniently waiting to be used.