DH annoyed that I wouldn't have sex with him last night.

[DisneyDamsel89]

I don't know if aibu but DH has been in a foul mood since he got up and had a bit of a nasty tone to his voice so I asked him what was up and he snapped at me that he was really annoyed that he'd been hinting for sex last night and he didn't get any.

For some reason I feel fuming. We have regular sex so it's not like he isn't getting any - it just feels really entitled.

[BlackMarauder]

Who the fuck voted VABU?

@IndieKate I assume men gave those votes.

[optimistic40]

My partner hasn't ever sulked with me about anything. Actually, I'm ashamed to say that I was upset with him when he seemed to go off sex for a while. We are not talking about one night though, and I thought that something must be wrong and he wasn't telling me rather than being upset because he is meant to provide the orgasms!

If I were you I would tell him that you usually enjoy sex with him (if you do) but that this attitude of his is really going to put you off.

[sunnysol]

He's not 'entitled' to use your vagina as if you're keeping it warm for him. Your body is exactly that. He's being an ah for expecting you to perform. It's absolutely vulgar that he thinks he has a right to use you for his pleasure only.

[TheNestedIf]

I was with one of these until recently. Self-centred, in general but especially with regards to sex. His initial sulk definitely kicked off the sulking, less sex, more sulking, even less sex downward spiral.

If your DH isn't listening when you talk, don't make the same mistake I did and waste years on him whilst the resentment builds and your vagina clamps shut.

[TheNestedIf]

Oh, and as to the feeling guilty thing... I spent years feeling guilty. Now I've got rid of him, that sense of guilt has gone as well, and I'm looking forward to hopefully getting back in the saddle again one day, so to speak.

[RiverSkater]

@StamfordHill

Meh. This isn't the first of such threads, and really I feel many women are quite entitled too. They expect fidelity, yet won't put out.

I'm not saying either spouse has to be sexually available 24/365, or that the other spouse has a right to punish in any way when they don't get it. But equally, often refusing without any reason, and never going out of one's comfort zone to please the other partner, is also wrong.

Marriages or similar relationships come with the understanding that both parties exclusively have sex with one another, but also that they actually have sex. When one side refuses to have sex, safe in the knowledge that their partner won't cheat on them, they are being unfair.

And of course MNs love to ignore the simple fact that being rejected is painful. How about you take into account that people's feelings are hurt when their partner rejects them sexually, and show some sensitivity.

But who wants to have sex when the other person doesn't really want to? It's not a duty or a chore like putting the bins out.

[StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind]

They expect fidelity, yet won't put out.

Fucking hell I don't know where to even start with that misogynistic pile of wank statement @StamfordHill

That utter bullshit isn't even relevant to the OP who has said they have regular sex.

[Devlesko]

Ew, how awful. Sex is supposed to be loving act, not a case of hinting and expecting.
Let him go and try his charm on another woman, tell him they'll find him irresistable (in his dreams)
Of course he won't change that's what being controlling is.
Why do women think they can change men?

[Devlesko]

@StamfordHill

Meh. This isn't the first of such threads, and really I feel many women are quite entitled too. They expect fidelity, yet won't put out.

I'm not saying either spouse has to be sexually available 24/365, or that the other spouse has a right to punish in any way when they don't get it. But equally, often refusing without any reason, and never going out of one's comfort zone to please the other partner, is also wrong.

Marriages or similar relationships come with the understanding that both parties exclusively have sex with one another, but also that they actually have sex. When one side refuses to have sex, safe in the knowledge that their partner won't cheat on them, they are being unfair.

And of course MNs love to ignore the simple fact that being rejected is painful. How about you take into account that people's feelings are hurt when their partner rejects them sexually, and show some sensitivity.

I've always thought this was the reason so many men have affairs, not the OP case, but you are right. The reason for divorce and family breakdown is so often down to differences in sex drive, and putting yourself out for the other.
That's not to say I think either partner needs to be available for sex 24/7 but it is one of the commitments you make in marrying.

[StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind]

If I was married to someone who expected me to have sex with them if I knew I wasn't really in the mood then I know I would never be in the mood to have sex with them, I'd be drier than the Sahara desert at that kind of expectation.

[TheNestedIf]

They expect fidelity, yet won't put out.

The flip side of this is They expect you to put out, but won't extend you the respect that ought to be present in a loyal relationship. Sure, sometimes you won't really be in the mood but you'll do it because you love them. This is about the sulking on the occasions you don't. Sulking is coercion. That definitely has no place in a respectful relationship.

[BlackMarauder]

@StamfordHill

Meh. This isn't the first of such threads, and really I feel many women are quite entitled too. They expect fidelity, yet won't put out.

I'm not saying either spouse has to be sexually available 24/365, or that the other spouse has a right to punish in any way when they don't get it. But equally, often refusing without any reason, and never going out of one's comfort zone to please the other partner, is also wrong.

Marriages or similar relationships come with the understanding that both parties exclusively have sex with one another, but also that they actually have sex. When one side refuses to have sex, safe in the knowledge that their partner won't cheat on them, they are being unfair.

And of course MNs love to ignore the simple fact that being rejected is painful. How about you take into account that people's feelings are hurt when their partner rejects them sexually, and show some sensitivity.

I read this and instantly knew you were a man. Won't put out? Are you fucking kidding me? The most entitlement I've witnessed is from men who are selfish and bad at sex forcing their mediocre penis on their wives. If I look at rape stats we'll easily see which of the sexes feel entitlement to others.

[StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind]

@ThisForUnpopularOpinions have you so little imagination as to how these situations arise?

In my own situation, my ex husband starting harassing me for sex when my DS was hardly more than a newborn. I had a tiny baby who had severe tongue tie who I was struggling to breastfeed. I was suffering from PND and anxiety. I had an older toddler to look after too. So believe it or not, I wasn't exactly in the mood for sex for good reason.

He continued to harass, at which point it put me off him entirely. He became more abusive, amazingly, this didn't exactly do much to make me attracted to him it spiralled and got worse and worse. I think there are very few people who are deliberately trying to withhold sex as a control mechanism with their partner, there are many many people however, who have no respect for boundaries, or empathy when their partner is going through something which could quite understandably temporarily affect their sex drive. They continue to harass and cause damage to the relationship which never goes away.

I am so glad to not be with my horrible coercive ex now and to have experienced really healthy relationships before and since him.

[FOJN]

They expect fidelity, yet won't put out.

The OP was quite clear they have regular sex so this is not a case of repeated rejection.

There's a difference between doesn't really want to and really doesn't want to.

Doesn't really want to would quickly become really doesn't want to with anyone displaying the OP's husband's attitude. Desperation for sex, I'm not talking about passionate enthusiasm, really gives me the ick.

[StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind]

@BlackMarauder well said and spot on.

[StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind]

It's pretty disgusting too that some posters have suggested that if someone isn't 'putting out' it's ok for someone to cheat.

Of course if anyone is unhappy in a relationship they are entitled to leave it at any time. If someone feels their sex drive is genuinely so mismatched with their partner, that would probably be for the best. Completely fair without resorting to cheating.

If someone wants to leave their partner because they have no empathy for them going through something which is temporarily affecting their sex drive on the other hand, well that suggests the person wanting to leave isn't a very good partner to start with and would be no great loss anyway.

[mbosnz]

We went through one hell of a dry spell, after having our babies. I was feeling dead guilty about this, and trying to get in the mood. DH sensed this, and very firmly said that he had one thing to ask me to promise him. And that was that I'd never have sex with him because I thought he wanted it, but I really did not want it.

We're firm believers in enthusiastic consent, and that it takes two yeses, and only one no.

That was the sexiest thing ever.

[ALongHardWinter]

FFS what is it with men getting the ache when they don't get their leg over?! So bloody childish.

[YouShouldLeave]

@StamfordHill

Meh. This isn't the first of such threads, and really I feel many women are quite entitled too. They expect fidelity, yet won't put out.

I'm not saying either spouse has to be sexually available 24/365, or that the other spouse has a right to punish in any way when they don't get it. But equally, often refusing without any reason, and never going out of one's comfort zone to please the other partner, is also wrong.

Marriages or similar relationships come with the understanding that both parties exclusively have sex with one another, but also that they actually have sex. When one side refuses to have sex, safe in the knowledge that their partner won't cheat on them, they are being unfair.

And of course MNs love to ignore the simple fact that being rejected is painful. How about you take into account that people's feelings are hurt when their partner rejects them sexually, and show some sensitivity.

Scary that there are still people in this world who think like this

[TheGumption]

@StamfordHill your posts are disgusting. There's a word for having sex with someone that doesn't want to. It seems to have escaped me...one second...let me think

[Crankley]

Revolting. I once, briefly had a relationship with a man like this. In the end I held up one of his socks and pointed to it saying 'this is a wank sock - you can wank in it as often and whenever you like.' Then pointed to myself and said 'this isn't and you can't.'