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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH annoyed that I wouldn't have sex with him last night.

128 replies

DisneyDamsel89 · 08/04/2021 11:38

I don't know if aibu but DH has been in a foul mood since he got up and had a bit of a nasty tone to his voice so I asked him what was up and he snapped at me that he was really annoyed that he'd been hinting for sex last night and he didn't get any.

For some reason I feel fuming. We have regular sex so it's not like he isn't getting any - it just feels really entitled.

OP posts:
IndieKate · 08/04/2021 13:44

Who the fuck voted VABU?
You are so not unreasonable OP, nothing like an entitled man to make the prospect of sex less appealing than cleaning the toilet boke

TristantheTyrannosaurus · 08/04/2021 13:44

@Eyevorbig0ne

God yeah that's annoying. My partner and I are on leave. Meant to go to cottage with hot tub.. Cancelled. We're decorating and every time he sees me it's "ooh I need to feed you some beans". I'm on atm but he keeps grabbing it and demanding a blow job. 🙄 I've told him to sort himself out. 🤬
Vom
Aquamarine1029 · 08/04/2021 13:46

@Eyevorbig0ne

I almost threw up reading your post. How can you possible stay with such a vile man?

Navilana · 08/04/2021 13:49

I'd go upstairs, get him a pair of very new, shiny socks and then wrap them in today's newspaper. "Surprise for you, dear! Here's something to put your sulking effort into." Then go do something that actually makes you happy. He doesn't get to ruin your day!

pinkyredrose · 08/04/2021 13:57

How is he controlling?

lemonysnickett88 · 08/04/2021 14:00

It's a form of sexual coercion. Making you feel bad is not ok.

Veterinari · 08/04/2021 14:00

@DisneyDamsel89

He can be controlling in other ways yeah. We've talked about it until I'm blue in the face but I don't think it makes a blind bit of difference.

The worst thing is, I actually started to feel guilty that l'd not been up for it. Now I definitely will not be having sex tonight, quite frankly it's put me off it any other night.

I hope you've told him that. You need to be clear that he doesn't have a right to your body and that punishing you for not having sex with him is coercive
EarthSight · 08/04/2021 14:03

Entitlement + resentment = recipe for sexual abuse.

Seriously - watch out for those.

isthismylifenow · 08/04/2021 14:04

I had a short relationship with a guy. One night I also didn't "take the hint" that he wanted sex. The next morning he didn't speak to me. This was when I started paying attention to all the other controlling things that were creeping in. Hence it being a short relationship.

Its a major red flag OP.

DaphneDuBois · 08/04/2021 14:12

YANBU. I wonder if in his head he’s somehow thinking that today’s mega grump is going to work in his favour and get him some action. I mean, obviously your clothes will all fall off tonight having had a day of foreplay in the form of the sight of his sulky face Hmm

pinkyredrose · 08/04/2021 14:12

Do you want to stay with him OP? Don't you think being single would be better than being with a moody, controlling arsehole?

littlepattilou · 08/04/2021 14:18

@DisneyDamsel89 Wow what a cunt. I would be withdrawing sex forevermore. Nothing worse than a miserable, grumpy, passive aggressive man SULKING like a little bitch coz he can't get his own way.

On the occasions DH acts like this - moaning and sulking because something isn't going his way, (and they ALL do it, don't deny it anyone!) I tell him to grow the fuck up! He soon snaps out of it.

sillysmiles · 08/04/2021 14:19

@DisneyDamsel89

I don't know if aibu but DH has been in a foul mood since he got up and had a bit of a nasty tone to his voice so I asked him what was up and he snapped at me that he was really annoyed that he'd been hinting for sex last night and he didn't get any.

For some reason I feel fuming. We have regular sex so it's not like he isn't getting any - it just feels really entitled.

Is this his normal behaviour?

If this is out of character then I'd consider there is more to it that simply not having sex.
If this is in character, then that's pretty pathetic and you need to have a word with him about not letting his mood ruin everyone else's day.

StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind · 08/04/2021 14:19

Jesus some of these stories 🤮🤬

It's vile. Abusive and vile. My ex used to bully me, make nasty comments, he was definitely coercive- one of the worst occasions was when I didn't go to bed with him when he wanted me to, he ran upstairs to near our children's bedrooms, started banging cupboard doors and shouting, to frighten me, make me wonder what would happen if they woke up. It was honestly horrendous.

Funnily enough I also found out later that he had been messaging another woman around this time as well. Didn't bother me one bit really as he made my skin crawl but showed yet again what little respect he had, on top of many other things. I cannot describe how glad I am to not be with him any more.

Nasty comments and bullying around sex is abusive and a massive red flag.

jessstan2 · 08/04/2021 14:19

No self control.
Good sex happens when mutually desired, tell him that sharpish.

DoingItMyself · 08/04/2021 14:22

really, you have to be nice to someone for them to have sex with you
It's surprising how many men don't seem to know that.

Egghead68 · 08/04/2021 14:32

@DisneyDamsel89

He can be controlling in other ways yeah. We've talked about it until I'm blue in the face but I don't think it makes a blind bit of difference.

The worst thing is, I actually started to feel guilty that l'd not been up for it. Now I definitely will not be having sex tonight, quite frankly it's put me off it any other night.

You know what you need to do then.

LTB. This is not a healthy relationship.

TristantheTyrannosaurus · 08/04/2021 14:37

@isthismylifenow

I had a short relationship with a guy. One night I also didn't "take the hint" that he wanted sex. The next morning he didn't speak to me. This was when I started paying attention to all the other controlling things that were creeping in. Hence it being a short relationship.

Its a major red flag OP.

Yep, same here.
Egghead68 · 08/04/2021 14:40

@Eyevorbig0ne

God yeah that's annoying. My partner and I are on leave. Meant to go to cottage with hot tub.. Cancelled. We're decorating and every time he sees me it's "ooh I need to feed you some beans". I'm on atm but he keeps grabbing it and demanding a blow job. 🙄 I've told him to sort himself out. 🤬
🤮 LTB too. You are a human, not a sex-toy.
littlepattilou · 08/04/2021 14:44

@Eyevorbig0ne

God yeah that's annoying. My partner and I are on leave. Meant to go to cottage with hot tub.. Cancelled. We're decorating and every time he sees me it's "ooh I need to feed you some beans". I'm on atm but he keeps grabbing it and demanding a blow job. 🙄
I've told him to sort himself out. 🤬

'I need to feed you some beans...?' Confused

That is so grim and nasty.... 🤮🤮🤮

Parkerwhereareyou · 08/04/2021 14:49

Mismatched desire/drive/whatever is never very pretty.

I will say straight up that I've never been in the camp of giving sex if you're pleased with them and witholding if angry - I feel that kind of demeans both parties. But unfortunately here he hasn't just pissed you off - the main thing is that he's turned you off.

He's repulsed you. And he knows it and that's why he's also angry. And probably doesn't know what the hell to do now. Oh and add frustrated to it.

His attitude to sorting out his own orgasm(s) is that's what he's got you fot???????

Bloody hell.

When did you stop fancying him? Or rather, when did he start turning you right off, like, repelling you??

I have to say I think this isn't good at all and although I wouldn't be in this situation as have different criteria/boundaries with a partner, if I were you, I'd be asking myself some very serious questions.

I'd end the relationship for this. Not for his behaviour - but for the fact that I didn't fancy him any more. You can't go on like that.

If you ever once stop fancying someone, that's it. Never works again (well, doesn't for me - I start getting hives and a tummy ache if they get anywhere near me!! Only happened a couple of times, but very definitive!).

daysofthunder · 08/04/2021 15:28

[quote littlepattilou]@DisneyDamsel89 Wow what a cunt. I would be withdrawing sex forevermore. Nothing worse than a miserable, grumpy, passive aggressive man SULKING like a little bitch coz he can't get his own way.

On the occasions DH acts like this - moaning and sulking because something isn't going his way, (and they ALL do it, don't deny it anyone!) I tell him to grow the fuck up! He soon snaps out of it.[/quote]

Eh? They all do it?

My husband doesn't. I've been with one who did and got shot of him ASAP. That's why I'm with one who doesn't.

What a strange thing to say. I'm sorry you've been strung along all your life by abusive partners. Good men don't sulk over sex or over anything.

I've never had to speak to my partner like he's a child. Neither of us sulk.

FireflyRainbow · 08/04/2021 15:31

Fuming for you OP. My vile pestering ex was like that. Idiots.

FireflyRainbow · 08/04/2021 15:32

Yea my partner doesn't do the above either.

MazekeenSmith · 08/04/2021 15:33

[quote littlepattilou]@DisneyDamsel89 Wow what a cunt. I would be withdrawing sex forevermore. Nothing worse than a miserable, grumpy, passive aggressive man SULKING like a little bitch coz he can't get his own way.

On the occasions DH acts like this - moaning and sulking because something isn't going his way, (and they ALL do it, don't deny it anyone!) I tell him to grow the fuck up! He soon snaps out of it.[/quote]
They don't all do it
Maybe it makes you feel less bad about your shit one but they really don't
Not once in 3 years has my boyfriend ever pestered me for sex