Most Couples Are Doomed

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

I mean in film and TV and literature .

Often at the end of a film depicting a great love story I just think...nah....two years max.

Examples:
Rose and Jack if he hadn’t frozen to death. Would she REALLY have been content with a future cut off from society and spitting and ice-fishing her way round America? No.

Satine and Christian from Moulin Rouge. I know she’s dead (and died very beautifully and romantically from TB too) but if they’d had to leave Paris, rattling through Europe dragging a bird cage, it would be no time at all before she realised there’s no freedom in being dirt poor while Christian writes his book, she’d go back to her tried and tested ways in no time to make a few bob, he’d get jealous and she’d piss off to join a chorus line in London, not as the sparking diamond but a cubic zirconia near the back.

Film Harry and Ginny- he’d realise all those years of playing the field as the chosen one was a missed chance, and he’d move out to his own flat where he’d show off his new Nike AirMax to his bewildered children and boast about crazy nights out in the local bar. Ginny would sniff stoically in a beige trench coat and hold it together for the kids.

I’m sure there are loads more.

Someone beat me to it with Ross and Rachel. Their initial coming together was love and lust but Ross broke it. After that I never felt their connection.

Monica would be driven to distraction by stupid Chandler after being so looked after by the manly and gorgeous Richard. He was the Harrison Ford to her Calista Flockhart.

Forrest and Jennay .
If she hadn't died?

She didn't want him when she was well and only wanted him once he was wealrhy and as security for her son.

Oh god yes Chandler and Monica were just so wrong and they are only together because she was desperate to get married. She's still in love with Richard and talks about 'the one that get away' every time she gets drunk with girlfriends.

I vaguely remember that now you’ve mentioned it. Might just read the book now 😊

Phoebe and Mike?
There was such chemistry between Phoebe and Minsk man.
Mike seemed wet in comparison.

Even JKR wishes she hadn't put Ron and Hermoine together. It was wrong.

Book Ron is different to film Ron but yes whichever one he needs to be someone's priorty someone that makes him feel special and she needs either someone ambitious and high powered like her or happy in very supportive role - and that isn't Ron who resents being a younger male Weasley.

I really think Ron and Hermione would have been fine together. She's muggle born, but gifted, he's from an established, but low reputation Wizard family. In that sense they're a good fit. Once he got through puberty and calmed down a bit, I think he'd appreciate how lucky he was and offer her the calm, stability she needed to allow her to push herself and take risks. Hermione needed a partner who would let her take the spotlight. Ron is basically a professional at playing second fiddle. Someone on par with her would cause resentment between them both.

Jerry McGuire. He really didn't love her at all.

Rhett should have stayed with Scarlett O’Hara. He'll never find anyone to excite him like she did.

@Igotfiveonit

I know you’re trying to be funny OP but that whole Harry Potter Nike AirMax made me cringe. It’s a bit try hard.

I'm going to assume that you're about 14 because no adult says they 'cringe'. Particularly about something so ridiculous.

Anyway, OP Mr Darcy and Lizzie would have def lasted, Lizzie would have softened him up a bit and she would have been lovely to all the servants. They would have had shit loads of children too.

Completely disagree about Monica and Chandler! They grow a lot throughout their relationship and both want the same things from life. If Monica had stayed with Richard she would have found herself having children with someone who didn't actually want them and caring for her elderly husband while only being middle-aged herself. Chandler is completely devoted to her and I like them so much better than Ross and Rachel.

I'm not sure about Harry or Sally.
I think he would have got a bit fed up with her high maintenance ways and wanted children eventually. I'm not convinced that it would have worked , but he did really love her and might have changed his ways for her? They were so chalk and cheese.

@DioneTheDiabolist

She pretended to her family she was dead and picked up Jack’s surname. How did she amass any wealth?

By meeting and hurriedly marrying men, then pushing them to their death and inheriting all their money. After killing Jack, the others were easy.

Evidence that you always remember your first time, though.

@JustJustWhy

Jerry McGuire. He really didn't love her at all.

Rhett should have stayed with Scarlett O’Hara. He'll never find anyone to excite him like she did.

But his love wore out...

Belle Watling would have made him happier long term. Not the same passion and thrill, but a solid dependable love. She was in love with him and they had a son together.

In further defence of Chandler (I'm invested now) I don't think he was stupid/immature at all, I think he was just someone who liked humour and was quite self-deprecating. That aside though he is a very stable and mature person:

• he holds down a good job throughout the entirety of Friends
• he has substantial savings which he was saving specifically for when he got married
• when Monica finds out about his savings and wants to spend it all on their wedding he disagrees and says he'd rather spend some of it on starting their married life together (but then decides that if a lavish wedding will really make her happy that he's willing to put his own feelings aside)
• he takes making his proposal good very seriously. This is where he does fuck up and act silly but it was with good intentions and he sets it right
• he and Monica both go through infertility and adoption process - something that is not easy at all
• he moves away from Joey and his bachelor life because it is just as important to him as it is to Monica that their kids grow up outside of the city

I could go on, I really love Chandler! I'm open to hearing alternative opinions though

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

likeamillpond definitely not to David and Natalie, not seriously anyway. She'd be a fish out of water in his world.

I could see Alan Rickman and his girlfriend though, they'd be a very arty and together couple, totally in tune. I think Emma Thompson was wrong for him, not mercurial enough by a long shot.

Yes, I fear Natalie would never survive the onslaught of the Daily Mail on her origins.

As for Alan Rickman and his tart, no, she'll be gone the moment Emma Thompson takes him to the cleaners in her divorce settlement.

Anyway, OP Mr Darcy and Lizzie would have def lasted, Lizzie would have softened him up a bit and she would have been lovely to all the servants. They would have had shit loads of children too.

Disagree - once the madpashsexthrill had worn off, she would have got pssed that he though her family was so far below him, and he would be come a controlling twt trying to stop her seeing her parents of sisters (except for Jane).

They would have had tones of kids though - I agree on that point - and she would have got fat and screechy like her mother, and he would be off sh*gging village strumpets.

Jane and Bingham would be ok though - they were both so bloody boring they'd probably sit in contented silence for the next half century , popping out a sprog every 3 or 4 years and wondering why Darcy kept nipping down to London to meet floozies.

Mr Collins and Charlotte Lucas would be the happiest of the three couples (esp when Lady Whats'erface pops her clogs). Both know what they want - he wants a wife and children, and we are told that although he is tedious and not-terribly-bright, this will works to Charlotte's advantage - she is clever and she will manage him; she wants a husband and children - and although Collins is a duck-egg, he is kind and affectionate - he'll treat her well and dote on their offspring, and she will bury herself in family life.

They may not be ecstatically happy, but they will be content.

[quote CaveMum]@benorjerry (and any other P&P commentators) have you read/watched "Death Comes to Pemberley"? I watched the series on the BBC a few years ago, though haven't read the book, and thought it was a very creditable follow up.

Set 6 years after the events of P&P - Lizzie and Darcy are on slightly wobbly ground and prone to bickering and Lydia is putting on a front for her marriage knowing full well Wickham is shagging everything in sight behind her back.[/quote]
I read Death Comes to Pemberley recently and thought it presented a very credible and realistic picture of Darcy and Elizabeth - some ongoing issues to do with lack of communication and her embarrassing family - but basically very solid and with a great deal of love and shared values

@ProfessionalWeirdo

Romeo and Juliet - totally dysfunctional - would have lasted a week without the drama.

(TBF they lasted about a week with the drama)

Less than that, in fact. They met on a Sunday evening, married on Monday afternoon, and were both dead by dawn on Thursday.

I know - when people talk about a couple being a "real Romeo and Juliet", i think "What? Knew each other 3 days and left 6 people dead. . . "

"Disagree - once the madpashsexthrill had worn off, she would have got pssed that he though her family was so far below him, and he would be come a controlling twt trying to stop her seeing her parents of sisters (except for Jane)."

Nope. They'd already gone through the whole "you think my family's not good enough for you". Darcy proved his commitment by helping her family avoid the scandal of the Wickham-Lydia thing.

"she would have got fat and screechy like her mother, and he would be off sh*gging village strumpets."

I don't know about fat - was her mother particularly fat or just middle aged? Screechy - definitely not, it was made clear that she didn't take after her mother, it was the younger girls who did.

Darcy's not the womanising type - that's Wickham, his enemy. He was extremely rich so if he wanted to womanise he could have already been doing it.

Charlotte is only content because she had low expectations to start with.

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MatildaTheCat

Jane Eyre and Mr Rochester. He was a grumpy devil even before he was maimed and blinded by the fire started by his psychotic wife. I’m afraid Jane would have tired of his tempers and his spoiled ‘niece’ before long.

She might have had trouble securing a divorce but she might have paid staff to tend his needs and floated around having a lovely time and ignoring him. grin

I've often wondered why Jane so readily (eagerly, even) agreed to give up her independence in order to become Rochester's full-time carer. And you're right about Adele - although he denies that she's actually his daughter, why else would he bring her into his household?

This confused me
In the book Adele is presented to Jane as Mr Rochester's ward and later he admits she is is natural daughter. The child of a French Dancer he grew to despise.

Can only assume this was sanitised on screen for some reason.

"She might have had trouble securing a divorce but she might have paid staff to tend his needs and floated around having a lovely time and ignoring him. grin"

Or she could just lock him in the attic.

The couples in The Holiday always confused me. I like the film and it’s a cute ending but there’s a real “...and then what happened?”
I think I'm the only person in the world who adores romcoms but HATES that movie. You're totally right, they would have been back to real life within days!!

Yes to The Holiday. They were both holiday romances. Where were the couples going to live? Just so unrealistic.

Brilliant thread.

Loathe Ross & Rachel. She should have stayed on the plane.

Pretty sure I read that the original ending of Pretty Woman was that Julia Roberts character goes back to her original life but test audiences wanted a romantic ending.

Also re Harry Potter wizards apparently have an average life expectancy of 137 years yet they all seem to settle down and marry their school boyfriend/girlfriend in their early 20s

Ah no I love book Harry and Ginny! I think they're great together. Book Ron and Hermione though... can see a messy divorce in their future!

I don't even consider the films or their depictions, they're a load of crap compared to the books.