To only work 4 days a week

[RootBeerFloat43]

Just interested in people's opinions of this as my partner and I have disagreed. I have a job offer where I can work either 4 days or 5 days a week. Our son is in school so, the day off would just be giving me a break and a bit of time to myself. My partner doesn't really understand why I need the time off and I do see his point as he works full-time. After mat leave, I went back to work 4 days a week but this was so I could have my son at home with me instead of nursery. Now that he is in school, is it just expected that I work full-time?

Not yet decided what I will do but would be interesting to hear other people's thoughts on this. Just to be clear, we both have professional roles and make good money so we would not struggle financially with part-time working.

My dc are 7 and 9 and I work 4 days a week. It makes such a difference not just to me but I think it benefits the family.

I use my Fridays off to do chores, shopping, exercise, see friends, do PTA stuff - meaning I am more available at the weekend. I certainly do more wifework because I have more free time. I do more with and for the kids. Dd9 is autistic so perhaps needs more attention than a nt child of that age. Dh can have time out at the weekend and is also able to take random days off in the week, which I can't do. We both work more or less 9-5 so it's the only day normally when the kids can do an after school activity.

I love the balance, however I am contemplating going back 5 days for the full time wage and pension. I've been part time for 7 years already. I will miss my day off though!

Write a list of things you do in the house/with kids including life admin and mental load stuff. Present him with it and explain that's why you need an extra day 'off'

I do 4 days. Compressed hours in order to have a free day. I generally spend that day with household admin, school drop off and pick up, and housework. Have Fridays off - so clear for the weekend.

It also gives freedom to address inset days/random stuff so can have another day off and work on the Friday instead if needed.

You dh may not realise yet the amount of things you will get done in that one day of 5 hours (after school runs). If he thinks your lounging around, then fair enough if he doesn't get it. Talk things through again. What will you be doing, that the pair of you won't have to fave evenings and weekends? I've worked p/t since dd1 of 3. I do all school runs (2 schools), the family washing, dinner cooked from scratch, all the school and home admin stuff and all shopping for everyone, most of the tidying and cleaning on days I'm p/t or not working. Frankly he doesn't have the headspace for all that - even if he was part time. So it's playing to strengths. He cooks meals at the weekend, which he enjoys. See what works for you.

I work shorter days - but then I still do the lions share of the housework and shopping, all the cooking, teen-wrangling, managing in laws etc.

I don’t have any time to myself and if I was working full time I’d drop dead.

Sadly when you work ‘part time’ they still squeeze full time work and you never clock off on time. And work on your days off. And evenings... I need a new job.

I never returned to full time, DD is 13 now, and I don't think I ever will.

DH is absolutely on board with it, it means I sort out the pesky things like paperwork, money, shopping, taking DD to appointments etc so that the weekends are normally free. He doesn't mind if I have the odd day where I just sit around and read or go to a spa appointment either.

I think it's fair. The woman normally carries more of the mental load with the children and household anyway.

I'm happy to work full time as I think that's the best way to avoid becoming the default parent in the first place, carrying all the mental load and doing the vast majority of the housework. I also know had work approved my 4 day request I'd have done practically the same amount of work in 4 days for 80% pay.

I had DS relatively late, DH is older still, and I do plan to retire VERY early though.

I worked teaching 3 days a week as well as fostering child. DH worked full time 37 hours a week. I moved to teach equivalent of 4 days a week when SN child went to secondary school. DH dropped him off and I collected him. I had poor health so we decided I would stay at home and focus on SN foster child and DH would continue to work full time. I have a cleaner twice a week who I don't want to let go. DH and I pay equally into family budget as I have private investments. It was nice being at home before pandemic as I could go to gym, meet a friend for lunch or go to see my sister. Since pandemic not so good at home as can't go anywhere or meet anyone.

If you have separate finances, and you continue to pay your half of the bills and you're happy for the drop in earnings to come off your disposable income then fair enough.
Where I think there's the potential for issues is if your DH's higher earnings are routinely used to cover your part of things e.g. family holiday has to come mainly from his money otherwise the whole family has a less good holiday because you want a day to yourself. In those situations I could understand why if you have separate finances he might object to you dropping your hours to have a day to yourself.

My niece works her 37 hours over 4 longer days so still full-time hours for salary and pension but she gets Fridays off. She cleans house, does laundry and bakes so weekend can be enjoyed by both of them and children as no main chores to do. Her DH does collection from school and nursery during 4 days she works longer hours. He also cooks meal. He drops and collects DC on her day off and she drops and collects on her day at home. They are both lucky to do fleecy time.

You might say you can manage financially but your husband might have aspirations that would require higher levels of family income - if he's keen to work and earn more, does he aspire to one day move to a bigger house or maybe pay school fees?

It's like anything, it doesnt matter what the page is, but you need to be on the same one in terms of long term goals.

4 days is ideal. We both chased our tails doing FT. Hard get time off for teeth or kids apts. An extra day is great for this stuff. I felt quite frazzled doing ft. No downtime at all

I'm a single parent who has always worked and work more than full time hours now, and has a child with very complex medical needs and SEN. I also have other dc. This means a lot of appointments and has shifted how I work, where I work and how I use my annual leave, but just because someone is a Mum it doesn't mean they have to work less.

If I had the choice I would work 4 days/week long term. There's nothing wrong with making that choice. I too sometimes eye roll a bit at the 'I have one child who is only 8 and can only work 12 hours a week because being a mother is a full time job' brigade. Women can and do work far longer as mothers. Having said that, if you make a choice to work less than full time to priortise other things, that's a very valid choice. That extra day can be a chance to have more work/life balance, rest, catch up on chores, when all this is over you could volunteer at dc's school, have appointments out the way without interrupting your working days. So many options.

While I do think women and mothers don't have to work less just by virtue of being mothers, and we need to chance that narrative away from women and more to how parents will address dc's needs, but any person and parent can choose to if it works better for them and their situation. If you can afford it, take it. It doesn't have to be permanent. Maybe you could go to 5 days when your dc is older if you want to. Sounds like he's only just at the start of school.

As for finances, couples approach this in a variety of ways. But I do wonder if paying an agreed % each month to contribute makes sense as opposed to an equal amount. That way it is more fair and doesn't leave you without access to savings. For example both contributing 75% of your income to all household and dc related finances. Allowing you to each keep 25% for personal spending and savings etc.

Also poverty is known to go either way long term, either not being able to make good money choices or making for more anxiety about money. This is well documented.

Good luck @RootBeerFloat43 hope you can do what you want.

When I was younger I had huge amounts of energy, so worked FT & overtime

As I got older, have less enthusiasm for work & prefer to put my energy into my off shift days, but still working FT

I plan to retire earlier than state retirement age

So working PT when younger was not the right decision for me

Everyone has different circumstances

The extra day off would allow you to do a bit of housework when its quiet, I'd go for it

I work 4 days a week and have 2 teenagers so really don't need to be at home with them!

I like having a day off to catch up with shopping, jobs, etc. but have found I now seem to be working full time hours squashed into 4 days which isn't what I wanted. I'm now thinking of pushing up to 5 days but just can't decide...

I have worked four days a week since having our eldest our youngest is due to start school in September and my husband is already pushing me to go back to work full time.
I have absolutely no intention of returning to full time while I’m in my current job

Posted too soon
I am the higher earner as it is
I expect Fridays will be filled even more than they are now with doing errands and cleaning to the benefit of him as it will not need to be done on the weekends
Me still having one nonworking day will help in the holidays less holiday childcare to have to worry about
I will actually have some time to be able to exercise

I think some of it is jealousy on his part as his employer would no way allow him to work four days a week if they did I would consider going back five days and leaving the cleaning and the school runs to him financially it would make more sense but until his employer changes position on the matter I’m staying as I am

@AvaCallanach

4 days, no doubt. Men don't pick up the "mental load" in families as a rule. Does your dh genuinely take on family admin? Does he do the weekly shop, meal planning and all (you planning the food and giving him a list and he physically going to the shop is not the same). Does he remember whose birthday is coming up and get a card and present sent off or (post covid) remember little Johnny's party and ensure your child is there at the correct time with present? Does he know that on Thursday your child needs to dress up as their favourite book character and on Friday it's a special assembly and you need to be there? That it's the school play on Tuesday at 2pm and that your child has to go to the dentist at 1pm on Wednesday?

Does he ring up the plumber when the washing machine is dripping all over the floor, then ring up another when the first is a no show? Does he arrange 3 quotes for redecorating the hall, stairs and landing?

Does he cook, clean? Does he bath the child and read his bedtime story?

Many, many men do "their fair share" of that last section and think they are 50:50 in the relationship in terms of life admin. It's the other stuff that falls to the woman in 90 percent of cases. The life admin and house management stuff. Unless he genuinely does all that, you need that day per week for running your - all of your- lives smoothly.

Thank you for this AvaCallanach. I often teuggle to explain to my DH what the mental load is but this sums it up perfectly. He is very helpful around the house but a lot of this would never even occur to him.

OP were having a similar discussion at the moment as my DD will start school next year. I currently work 3 10 hour days and DH thinks I should go full time. I believe going 4 days but spread my hours fairer would be better but he can't seem to understand that I don't just sit on my arse on my days off.

I've worked part-time ever since my kids were born, and they're now in their 20s. I'm now on 4 days and have always used that weekday at home to catch up on "life-work" for the household - getting cars MOT'd, dog to the vet, dentist appointments, paperwork, holiday planning, service calls to repair appliances etc...
It's worked for us.

DH and I both work 4 days a week, I have Thursdays off, he has Fridays...but FT hours, just compressed.

We set us up this way to make childcare easier but have no plans to change it when ds3 is in FT school. That extra day each makes a world of difference to our family life - either to catch up on chores and life Admin or just to have a down day if needed, leaving the weekends much more free.

Personally I'd do everything possible not to go back to 5 days a week.

@LolaSmiles

If you have separate finances, and you continue to pay your half of the bills and you're happy for the drop in earnings to come off your disposable income then fair enough. Where I think there's the potential for issues is if your DH's higher earnings are routinely used to cover your part of things e.g. family holiday has to come mainly from his money otherwise the whole family has a less good holiday because you want a day to yourself. In those situations I could understand why if you have separate finances he might object to you dropping your hours to have a day to yourself.

Bloody hell.

Women don't, as a rule, lie in bed quaffing hot chocolate on their "day off".
Yes they may manage a quick trip to the gym but they also as a rule do all the house management, appointment making and taking, cleaning, supermarket runs, present buying invisible life work crap that means that both parties can better enjoy their weekend. It's still working, just a different type.
If my DH tried to suggest that I live in penury on 10 k a year, giving 10k to joint budgets whilst running the lions share of the house management and child wrangling so he can enjoy an unencumbered work day and multiple promotions and earn100k, but claim we are equal because he still gives "his half" ie 10k into shared finances he could fuck off to the far side of fuck. That isn't bloody equality. Stop denigrating the caring and organisational work of family management as "free time". That isn't feminism.

You need to explain the benefit to the family - errands and chores already done for the weekend, available for playdates, batch cooking so less to do in the week (sometimes you'll get a coffee with a friend) but the value in having the time is worth the lower salary.