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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be upset if your dp said this in front of you

115 replies

Painauchocolat189 · 07/04/2021 21:03

There was a Russian woman on the TV and he said something like "that guy she's with could do a lot worse, she's really cute."
He always compliments me but I don't know if I'd say stuff like that in front of him. Obviously I can see that other men are attractive but I just keep it to myself.
Is it disrespectful to say it to me?

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Original poster
Painauchocolat189 · 07/04/2021 21:06

I didn't say anything in reply just laughed. Maybe I'm just being a bit jealous but it happens.

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Lemmeout · 07/04/2021 21:08

His attitude is disrespectful.
Laughing says you do not mind.

Original poster
Painauchocolat189 · 07/04/2021 21:08

We also watched some 70s film where there were women in underwear at the dentist. He said, damn, why doesn't it look like that when I go.

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Original poster
Painauchocolat189 · 07/04/2021 21:09

I think it depends on the context too. Saying someone is attractive or handsome to me is different than cute, hot, sexy.

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bjjgirl · 07/04/2021 21:11

Would not bother me in the slightest

Faultymain5 · 07/04/2021 21:12

Everyone has their own levels of what they consider acceptable. This would not bother me, but I say worse. I also make my husband know there is no one on the planet better than him. Not even Simon Hastings of BridgertonWink

Original poster
Painauchocolat189 · 07/04/2021 21:12

That's fair enough and good that you are secure.
If I were asked I would say yeah I think X is a good looking man, for instance.
Not going to lie and say somebody is ugly.

I think it's more the ooh look at him/her they're hot.

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Divebar2021 · 07/04/2021 21:12

I think making a comment about someone on the TV is a non issue if it’s only occasionally.

Original poster
Painauchocolat189 · 07/04/2021 21:14

I'd say it's every couple of weeks or so, I just ignore it really and it shouldn't bother me.

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Original poster
Painauchocolat189 · 07/04/2021 21:15

It sounds pathetic but it's just that cute, hot etc has connotations of I'd like to sleep with them.

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Mumoblue · 07/04/2021 21:15

Personally it wouldn’t bother me as it’s someone on TV. I used to talk about the objective attractiveness of men and women with my ex.

As long as it’s not over the top comments and it’s not about someone IRL then it wouldn’t bother me.

Original poster
Painauchocolat189 · 07/04/2021 21:17

There was once a naked woman on the TV and he was like mmm nice.
Again I just wouldn't do that about a male in front of him.
I know we will always think others are attractive but it just feels wrong.

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BurbageBrook · 07/04/2021 21:19

It annoys me a bit so my DP doesn’t do it. Even though I do it with men occasionally Grin Hypocritical I know but he doesn’t mind!
It’s not a terrible thing to say. But, if you don’t like it next time say ‘hey!’ Or ‘oi’ - in a jokey way if you like but it’s OK to say you don’t like it.

Babdoc · 07/04/2021 21:19

My late and much loved DH had a big thing for Ming the Merciless’s daughter in the Flash Gordon film, Servalan in Blake’s Seven, and Jenny Agutter when she was younger. And I had a crush on Mr Spock from Star Trek, for over fifty years.
Neither of us was remotely upset or jealous if the other was slavering at the tv screen!
We used to tease each other about it. DH bought me Star Trek dvds as presents.
I think if you are secure in your love and desire for each other, fancying someone on tv is certainly not a threat.

MouseInCatsClaws · 07/04/2021 21:19

If it feels wrong for you, then it's best to tell him. I don't get jealous but the comments he's making sound a bit sleazy and I wouldn't like them either

TedMullins · 07/04/2021 21:21

Wouldn’t bother me. You don’t stop finding other people attractive or even fantasising about them just because you’re in a relationship. It’s not a crime to imagine sleeping with someone else. That said, if he’s doing it all the time I’d question how he perceives women in general

Boho7 · 07/04/2021 21:23

I wouldn't like it either x

Original poster
Painauchocolat189 · 07/04/2021 21:23

That's true we all have our levels. It's good to see that a lot of people here are secure. Honestly I've never fantasised about sleeping with another man is that weird?

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Batshitkerazy · 07/04/2021 21:24

Wouldn’t bother me unless the comments were unnecessarily sleazy

Prisonbreak · 07/04/2021 21:26

Not an issue for me

Slackarse · 07/04/2021 21:26

I wouldn’t like that either. I’d find those comments rude and very off putting, sitting next to him on the sofa..

Bluntness100 · 07/04/2021 21:27

This wouldn’t bother me at all.

However it bothers you, are you jealous, insecure, both? I don’t think the issue is trying to control him but understanding why you react as you do.

Chooseausernamenow · 07/04/2021 21:27

@bjjgirl

Would not bother me in the slightest
Me neither.
blowinahoolie · 07/04/2021 21:27

I do same to DH and remark on men like Ewan McGregor. It cuts both ways 🤷😂

Original poster
Painauchocolat189 · 07/04/2021 21:28

I know it doesn't mean he wants to cheat or thinks they're more attractive than me etc. I just find it a bit disrespectful.

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