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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be upset if your dp said this in front of you

115 replies

Painauchocolat189 · 07/04/2021 21:03

There was a Russian woman on the TV and he said something like "that guy she's with could do a lot worse, she's really cute."
He always compliments me but I don't know if I'd say stuff like that in front of him. Obviously I can see that other men are attractive but I just keep it to myself.
Is it disrespectful to say it to me?

OP posts:
KurtWilde · 07/04/2021 21:28

Wouldn't bother me at all.

ChronicallyCurious · 07/04/2021 21:30

Non issue for me

Bluntness100 · 07/04/2021 21:31

@Painauchocolat189

I know it doesn't mean he wants to cheat or thinks they're more attractive than me etc. I just find it a bit disrespectful.
Have you told him? Most people coildnt give a shit if their partner thought someone on tv was attractive, it’s hardly like they are going to get the opportunity. But you do take issue. I guess because you’re jealous. So you’re either going to have to work on that issue or tell him you’ve got the issue.
Losttheequipment · 07/04/2021 21:32

My DP sends me photos of my celebrity fantasy man if I’m having a bad day. It’s one of the things I love about him Grin

MrsTophamHat · 07/04/2021 21:36

That would not bother me at all. Being aware that someone is attractive and fancying them is not the same thing.

daisypond · 07/04/2021 21:39

It wouldn’t bother me at all. I don’t think it’s disrespectful either. I can’t get my head around why you might even think that.

ScreamSqueeze · 07/04/2021 21:40

Not an issue for me. I don’t see it a disrespectful in the slightest

Original poster
Painauchocolat189 · 07/04/2021 21:42

Alright, fair enough if you "can't get your head around" the fact that somebody feels different to you.

OP posts:
ViolaValentina · 07/04/2021 21:43

It depends on your relationship I think.

I have never commented on the attractiveness of a celeb or TV character to DH, and nor has he to me. But he's quite reserved by nature, and I don't think I've ever heard him objectify a woman in any context actually. So it would bother me a bit if he did but only because it would be surprising and out of character.

Thurlow · 07/04/2021 21:44

I once rewound an episode of Narcos to point out to DH quite now amazing Pedro Pascal's arse was.

So no, not an issue here.

Original poster
Painauchocolat189 · 07/04/2021 21:46

Let's say you passed in front of another woman and your dp went "Wow she's so hot (or something like that). Would it still not bother you at all?

OP posts:
whenthebellsring · 07/04/2021 21:49

Sounds like it bothers you. The only solution is to tell him. I think your silence and laughing sometimes says you don't mind. So if it bothers you, just say so. Afterwards, I think that's when you can start to worry if he continues.

Bluntness100 · 07/04/2021 21:49

@Painauchocolat189

Let's say you passed in front of another woman and your dp went "Wow she's so hot (or something like that). Would it still not bother you at all?
But that’s different, is he doing that? You said he was doing it about women on the telly.
bleachblondemom · 07/04/2021 21:50

Me and DH know all of each other’s celebrity crushes! The other day I came home and told him my new optician was really handsome 😂

Macncheeseballs · 07/04/2021 21:50

We say stuff like this all the time

KurtWilde · 07/04/2021 21:50

@Painauchocolat189

Let's say you passed in front of another woman and your dp went "Wow she's so hot (or something like that). Would it still not bother you at all?
No, not at all.
SnackSizeRaisin · 07/04/2021 21:51

It sounds a bit rude. I don't mind if my partner finds someone attractive but I do think it's more polite if he keeps it to himself. He's not the type to make that sort of comment - maybe very occasionally as a joke.

Witchcraftandhokum · 07/04/2021 21:51

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest, but then again we have lists of who we're allowed to sleep with.

Original poster
Painauchocolat189 · 07/04/2021 21:52

I guess I'm just in the minority, it's just the way I feel
I thought about doing it back to see his reaction but that just feels petty really?
I'll try to just ignore it but if it becomes of a sexual nature I will certainly tell him.

OP posts:
Gubanc · 07/04/2021 21:53

Blimey.... actors on TV, you'll never meat them. I keep making references about my willingness to watch Wolverine and my whole family knows it's not the comic fan in me that's talking.

Original poster
Painauchocolat189 · 07/04/2021 21:53

Been together less than a year, maybe if it were very long term id be more relaxed?

OP posts:
Newkitchen123 · 07/04/2021 21:54

Doesn't sound like you've told him it bothers you though so how is he supposed to know.

We watch naked attraction and pass lots of comments.
Not an issue

Original poster
Painauchocolat189 · 07/04/2021 21:54

An ex told me that Bryce Dallas Howard was the most beautiful women he'd ever seen. Yes it's true she is, but still found it a big hurtful, I thought he'd say me even just to be sweet.

OP posts:
whenthebellsring · 07/04/2021 21:55

I think there's a difference between finding people attractive and making lewd, mealy comments about every woman he sees. The first one isn't a problem even if he mentions it sometimes but the second one sounds sleazy and off-putting. Not on, in my opinion. Depends what you think.

daisypond · 07/04/2021 21:55

@Painauchocolat189

Alright, fair enough if you "can't get your head around" the fact that somebody feels different to you.
But you’re not explaining why you feel the way you do. You can see most people on here don’t feel the way you do, so it’s probably you that need to get your head around that fact.