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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you be upset if your dp said this in front of you

115 replies

Painauchocolat189 · 07/04/2021 21:03

There was a Russian woman on the TV and he said something like "that guy she's with could do a lot worse, she's really cute."
He always compliments me but I don't know if I'd say stuff like that in front of him. Obviously I can see that other men are attractive but I just keep it to myself.
Is it disrespectful to say it to me?

OP posts:

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 07/04/2021 23:07

*looks like FFs

magickmummy · 07/04/2021 23:11

@TableFlowerss* That's the thing we are all different and each relationship is different and what works for one doesn't for another. I probably would get jealous if he said someone he knew was fit and he would sleep with her but I see that as different because it's an attainable person lol. I also don't mention the fit Dr's I've worked with over the years lol.

We stick to admiring celebrities and picking out women for each other

Bluntness100 · 07/04/2021 23:16

When I've truly loved someone, I had eyes for no-one else. Even the hottest celebrity on the planet couldn't pull me away

That’s admirable, but I have to be honest, if Jason mamoa came calling, I’d not be able to stop my knickers falling off.l😂

liliesinbloom · 07/04/2021 23:19

Wouldn't bother me, being in a relationship doesn't render you blind so it's natural to still find other people attractive. I would be more concerned if they said I was the most gorgeous thing on the planet and no one else came close as that would be dishonest, which is the real deal breaker.

RazzleToes · 07/04/2021 23:29

HRTWT but I don’t think it would bother me. You need to know your competition incase she crops up in the real world (half joking). I’m open with hubs about handsome men on TV and sometimes have a laugh about perving, kind of in a role reversal way as it’s an old stereotype that men like to ogle and women are conservative. If he was very guarded about hot women I might worry. A lot of what you said about the dentist on TV sounds like he’s having a bit of a giggle but everyone has their boundaries and what they feel comfortable with. Why don’t you tell him it makes you feel a bit meh and hopefully he will reassure you.

On a side note shall we start a Jason Momoa appreciation thread? 😃

unchienandalusia · 07/04/2021 23:37

No OP it wouldn't. My DH finds other women attractive. He finds me the list attractive. Abs I'm in the room. They're in the tv.

Reminds me of friends and the list. "Laminated". All harmless fun if you're in a secure relationship.

If you're not then that's the thing to worry about imho.

sadpapercourtesan · 07/04/2021 23:41

I'd find the use of 'cute' a turn-off, tbh. Assuming he is talking about an adult woman. So infantilising and disrespectful.

blowinahoolie · 08/04/2021 07:32

DH often makes remarks about actresses, singers etc. I also will comment on my crushes too. Often to get a reaction as it's all just light hearted banter. Anything for a wind up 😂

blowinahoolie · 08/04/2021 07:34

@Bluntness100

When I've truly loved someone, I had eyes for no-one else. Even the hottest celebrity on the planet couldn't pull me away

That’s admirable, but I have to be honest, if Jason mamoa came calling, I’d not be able to stop my knickers falling off.l😂

🤣🤣🤣

Maunderingdrunkenly · 08/04/2021 08:35

I think when you feel really loved and secure your emotional ‘budget’ for this is huge and it doesn’t seem like a big deal at all but when you don’t have that and you’re dining out on emotional scraps this would be a big deal and upsetting. It all depends on how the relationship is between you (really, with a clear-eyed view). Opinions from people in secure relationships won’t help you and will make you feel more alone when maybe the problem is the boyfriend?

Sillysandy · 08/04/2021 09:31

You feel how you feel and you haven't told him. You are in the minority with your reaction so it's not reasonable to expect him to know you would feel like this.

I also feel like you. I don't like the passing remarks on a woman's level of hotness. I told him, he has stopped them now.

KurtWilde · 08/04/2021 10:13

I think it's a tough one because it's not necessarily about how loved and secure a partner makes you feel, it's about who you are as a person in general, how secure you are about yourself. I've had some shitty partners over the years who never really made me feel loved, but them fancying someone off the telly was the last of my worries tbh.

Hhusky · 08/04/2021 10:17

Genuinely wouldn't bother me a bit.

nyprincess · 09/04/2021 07:46

This doesn't bother mne. When we watch TV I usually ask him if he finds someone attractive and I honestly don't mind.
DH how much I love Ryan Reynolds, Chris Hemsworth and some others & anytime they are on TV then he knows what I'm going to say. I know I am unattractive, but it still doesn't bother me if he said he found someone really attractive.

Fluffy14 · 18/04/2021 23:51

Wow, really interesting that many women are ok with this and I consider myself pretty easy going. Personally I find that this is disrespectful and by laughing it off you've co-signed it as being ok. So basically you've given him permission to do it again. Everyone has varying levels of tolerance but the fact you asked the question means it doesn't sit right with you, and so for your sanity this is something you should discuss with him as it belittles you and makes you feel like you are not enough, when in fact you are a Queen deserving of loyalty, devotion, respect, honour and love from your man. If he was busy giving you these things he wouldn't notice how cute another woman is to the point of being compelled to vocalise it x

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