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Original poster

Would you be upset if your dp said this in front of you

115 replies

Painauchocolat189 · 07/04/2021 21:03

There was a Russian woman on the TV and he said something like "that guy she's with could do a lot worse, she's really cute."
He always compliments me but I don't know if I'd say stuff like that in front of him. Obviously I can see that other men are attractive but I just keep it to myself.
Is it disrespectful to say it to me?

OP posts:
KarmaStar · 07/04/2021 21:56

No I would not be upset .but each to their own,if it upsets you that's all that matters op,tell him.

SnackSizeRaisin · 07/04/2021 21:56

Let's say you passed in front of another woman and your dp went "Wow she's so hot (or something like that). Would it still not bother you at all?

Yes that would bother me. It's objectifying women and it's just a bit grim really! Not sure if I'd feel threatened as such as clearly my partner isn't with me for my looks. He's much better looking than me. Is your partner pretty hot himself? I think these type of comments sound even worse coming from overweight middle aged men.

Original poster
Painauchocolat189 · 07/04/2021 21:56

I just find it disrespectful, but I seem to be in the minority,I guess that's how it is. I didn't mean to sound rude so I apologise.

OP posts:
Original poster
Painauchocolat189 · 07/04/2021 21:56

My partner is attractive yes, in my eyes certainly, he seems to think I am better looking than him.

OP posts:
Happinesscomesfromwithin · 07/04/2021 21:59

How long have you and your partner been together OP?

Stuckhere2021 · 07/04/2021 21:59

OP I get your point. I see guys in the street all the time that I fancy rotten. I’m sure DP also sees people he finds attractive / would like to shag every day. But I do think that just saying ‘she’s hot’ etc out with dirty talk is a bit disrespectful. So If DP and I were discussing fantasies and he said “ I saw this woman today who was so hot I just wanted to fuck her” ,I would find that a bit of a turn on. But if he said it as we were sitting in a coffee shop and she was at the next table, I wouldn’t like it. It makes it more real than fantasy - just my opinion.

Homemadearmy · 07/04/2021 21:59

It wouldn't bother me either. Unless it was said out of spite. My ex would have said it to make me self conscious and make me feel inferior.
It bothers you op, tell him. Pointless addressing it here and not at home

Witchcraftandhokum · 07/04/2021 22:00

You sound incredibly insecure about your looks, is this a new thing or have you always felt this way?

Justlovedogs · 07/04/2021 22:00

Wouldn't (and doesn't) bother me. Both DH and I are aware of various individuals, actors and TV bods, that we think are cute, good looking, etc. Doesn't mean I love or fancy DHL any less or he I. Must admit we've probably got more open about it as we've got older, though.

SnackSizeRaisin · 07/04/2021 22:02

I am finding this thread really surprising! Only last week everyone was up in arms about men eyeing up women and making suggestive comments, yet everyone on this thread thinks it's absolutely fine!

daisypond · 07/04/2021 22:02

@Painauchocolat189

An ex told me that Bryce Dallas Howard was the most beautiful women he'd ever seen. Yes it's true she is, but still found it a big hurtful, I thought he'd say me even just to be sweet.
I’ve never heard of Bryce Dallas Howard but I’ll take your word for it that she’s beautiful. Most people aren’t exceptionally beautiful, so I don’t see why it’s hurtful to you. The fact that Bryce is beautiful has nothing to do with you or why your DP likes you. Why would it be sweet for him to lie to you? It would just be silly and patronising.
Bluntness100 · 07/04/2021 22:03

You do seem to be very focused on looks and insecure and jealous.

They are folks on the tv, he’s no more going to meet them and run off with them than he is going to sprout wings and fly round the living room

A healthy relationship you should be able to make these sort of comments, I think the issue is you need focus on your insecurity snd jealousy,

whenthebellsring · 07/04/2021 22:03

@SnackSizeRaisin

I am finding this thread really surprising! Only last week everyone was up in arms about men eyeing up women and making suggestive comments, yet everyone on this thread thinks it's absolutely fine!
Not everyone.
Suzi888 · 07/04/2021 22:04

Wouldn’t bother me! But I also comment on men on tv sometimes Wink

whenthebellsring · 07/04/2021 22:07

OP doesn't seem to want to do anything about it though - perhaps just wanted to hear others say they find it as disrespectful as she does. Thing is it doesn't matter how others find it, if she does then that's enough to put a stop to it. But don't think it's what OP really wants to hear.

Caramel81 · 07/04/2021 22:08

I don’t like it and my DP knows not to say things like that in front of me. I know everyone (including me) finds others sexually attractive but I think it’s best to keep those thoughts to yourself.

BessMarvin · 07/04/2021 22:10

It probably depends how often. If it's a constant thing it would be a bit much. I might occasionally make appreciative remarks about men on TV but only casually and rarely.

I think what would bother me the most about this would be if my husband started referring to women as "cute". Reminds me of teenagers in sweet valley high.

SmellsLikeWineIGuess · 07/04/2021 22:11

@Painauchocolat189

We also watched some 70s film where there were women in underwear at the dentist. He said, damn, why doesn't it look like that when I go.
What you say in your OP wouldn’t bother me, and in fact, one of DH’s and my earliest conversations whiling away a winter afternoon in a pub was who would make our laminated list. It was pretty hilarious (and definitely dates us!).

However, the comment I’ve quoted above is just sleazy.

Echobelly · 07/04/2021 22:11

Wouldn't be bothered - DH will comment if he finds a woman cute, but he lets me know plenty enough that he finds me attractive and sexy so I don't relate comments about other women as referring to me.

TableFlowerss · 07/04/2021 22:12

@TedMullins

Wouldn’t bother me. You don’t stop finding other people attractive or even fantasising about them just because you’re in a relationship. It’s not a crime to imagine sleeping with someone else. That said, if he’s doing it all the time I’d question how he perceives women in general
*It’s not a crime to imagine sleeping with someone else* Confused.

It’s not a crime to actually sleep with someone else either... but doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to do it.

If the day came that I started fantasising about sleeping with my someone else then that would be the day I knew my marriage was over.

EffOffCovid · 07/04/2021 22:13

My husband would only say it in a jokey way to wind me up. I don't feel threatened by other women, so I wouldn't give a flying fuck if he did say "she's cute" I could easily reply " well she's not as cute as me". Job done.

Wiredforsound · 07/04/2021 22:15

This wouldn’t bother me for a second. We’re binge watching Lucifer at the moment and constantly commenting on how gorgeous EVERYONE is on it - seriously, they’re all unfeasibly beautiful. Doesn’t mean we’d trade each other in if one of them called us. If I was with someone who kept commenting on how sexy my best friend was though, and leered at her every time we went out, that would be a different matter,

FieldOverFence · 07/04/2021 22:18

My jaw was on the ground for the majority of bridgerton, and DH just laughed at me... His celeb crush is that Wonderwoman girl... who he thinks is cute on TV has absolutely no bearing whatsoever on our relationship

grapewine · 07/04/2021 22:19

This wouldn’t bother me for a second. We’re binge watching Lucifer at the moment and constantly commenting on how gorgeous EVERYONE is on it - seriously, they’re all unfeasibly beautiful.

They really are. It's a bit crazy!

Squeejit · 07/04/2021 22:23

Loads of healthy couples will give each other a ‘pass’ for hot celebs, but if it makes you uncomfortable you need to tell him. It’s your relationship- assert your own boundaries.