To wonder about how clever my child will be

[Whatdoyouthink86]

So I love my 3yo DS very dearly and he is a fascinating child. I know this might seem like a ridiculous question but I was wondering - those of you with "clever" grown up children - when did they turn out to be "clever"?

I know full well that being clever isn't that important and that there are many many other predictors of happiness and success in life. We will be proud of him no matter what. I am just curious really.

Me and his dad did very well at school and have successful careers. Early on, he doesn't seem to be ahead of his peers in many things. He's behind in a few. No developmental red flags. Could he be a late developer, or is this likely representative of his general ability?

It doesn't matter either way. I know plenty of people will jump to have a go at me but it's just a straightforward curious question.

@TheMarzipanDildo

I think cleverness is relative and not remotely straightforward. Most people are ‘good’ at some things and ‘bad’ at others. Also, I know people who really struggled at school but come across as very intellectually curious and wise as adults.

Agree with this.

If you are talking about academic achievement you would likely notice it mostly around school age. However they could easily be academically bright but lazy!

honestly I think motivation and ambition means more than intelligence. I would worry more about whether my kid has a good work ethic than whether they're 'gifted'. I'm my experience work ethic has served people more than their innate cleverness

Intellectual intelligence is carried on the X chromosome and is therefore usually inherited from the mother, not the father. However, said offspring can then pass on their father's intelligence to their offspring, so being really smart can skip a generation, particularly if the mother isn't particularly bright but has a bright father or grandparents.

In reality it's loads more complicated than that, but that's a simple and generally true explanation of how intellectual intelligence is passed on.

So: if you're female and bright, with 2 bright parents, your offspring will mist likely also be bright regardless of their father's intelligence. If you're female and struggle academically, and your DH is bright, your DC are far more likely to struggle than take after their father.

That's really interesting... I had no idea about it being due to the x chromosome!

I have a friend who has 7 children. She never bought any of them books and none of them is academic except one who is extremely bright and is Oxbridge material. She repeatedly wins prizes in her big high school every single year. Her mum says she has no idea where she gets it from.

Intellectual ability is only one fact that dictates life success.
Drive, enthusiasm, social ability, mental health, self esteem, confidence and many other factors combined are far bigger factors.
I have two adult children.
My DD sailed along being " average" at school, but was motivated to gain her B and C grades at A level. She was head girl at school, dance captain at her ballet school, and is in her final year ai University, set to gradualte this year.
My DS is gifted academically. By far the cleverset person I have even met. Gained a few A levels without attending or trying,, bottomed out. Worked in a supermarket part time for a while, his mental health crashed.
Now in his early 20s has had two suicide attempts in the past year.
He still remains supremely clever.

My childrens happiness is far more important than their IQ.

With my now 6 year old daughter it was obvious from age 2.5: she talked like a child years older, could do maths in her head and was starting to write. However me and my brother turned out to be clever as teenagers/adults and showed no promise at a young age - in fact my brother didn't talk till 3.5! My husband is above average intelligence but I don't think he excelled in primary school.

My son taught himself to read at 3 and whilst at pre - school described having a number line in his head that stretched into infinity. He was easily top of his class all the way through primary and into secondary. Everything came really easily to him. He was described as 'gifted' constantly. Now aged 23 he's back at home after being sectioned at Christmas, dropped out of uni and currently under treatment for suspected schizophrenia. Helth and happiness is so much more important than any arbitrary scale of cleverness. My boy is spectacularly bright. It hasn't helped him.

So sorry to hear your son isn't well, othercar. It must be really difficult.

Thanks apileofballyhoo I appreciate it.

I have a friend who has 7 children. She never bought any of them books

that's probably why the other six aren't academic. The one child succeeding despite the crap parenting shows that the others would likely have achieved well if raised by parents who cared enough to read to them.