To wonder about how clever my child will be

[Whatdoyouthink86]

So I love my 3yo DS very dearly and he is a fascinating child. I know this might seem like a ridiculous question but I was wondering - those of you with "clever" grown up children - when did they turn out to be "clever"?

I know full well that being clever isn't that important and that there are many many other predictors of happiness and success in life. We will be proud of him no matter what. I am just curious really.

Me and his dad did very well at school and have successful careers. Early on, he doesn't seem to be ahead of his peers in many things. He's behind in a few. No developmental red flags. Could he be a late developer, or is this likely representative of his general ability?

It doesn't matter either way. I know plenty of people will jump to have a go at me but it's just a straightforward curious question.

[Baileyscoffeeandcampfires]

We always though ds was average or just below as he wasn't interested in reading , really struggled with writing / holding a pen and just didn't seem that interested in what was around him. Certainly didn't ask loads of questions about everything or challenge every rule like dd.

Then in year 4 he took some logic style tests (similar to the Mensa assessment) that they did as standard for all year 4 pupils . He scored ridiculously high and teacher told us that he has a very high level of innate intelligence. Top 0.5%

He finally found what really interested him in year 6 (math and science), was successful in his maths , chemistry and biology a levels ( despite having mild dyslexia) and is now doings a paramedic science degree at uni. He had the grades and aptitude to do medicine but wanted to follow his own path.

[notalwaysalondoner]

My DH and I are both double firsts from Oxbridge. From what our parents say the only real signs were sleeping a lot less than average as babies and being super alert and wanting to be entertained all the time, plus being very engaged and curious. Neither of us had obvious indications we were bright such as speaking or reading unusually early, although we found age appropriate games easier than average eg learning shapes, colours. So it’s not always obvious beyond a general feeling the child is bright. And my brother also got the same academic results but didn’t really excel at school until GCSE age.

[Cam2020]

My daughter is 4 so I'm no more clued up than you, but I'd say having intelligent parents who engage and can help with their children is a huge boost.

[Whoopsies]

My ds is still only 7 so I haven't realised the extent of his 'cleverness' yet, but he is certainly bright and is a year ahead in every area at school. He could speak in full fluent sentences that even a stranger could understand by the time he was 18 months. That was the first clue!

[HazeyJaneII]

I was a very bright child, but selectively mute and with a parent who told everyone I was a genius (This did me no favours)...I did okish academically, and then stayed at a fairly meh level!
Dh is very clever, did really well at school, but preferred working outside.
Our dds (15 and 14) are pretty bright and doing well at school - they were pretty much within normal developmental parameters, except dd2 was late walking and has dyslexia.
Ds who is 10, has learning disabilities, he didn't talk until he was 5, he is globally delayed and has complex needs. He is very funny and loves drawing and cooking, he looks at the world through a different prism, he is incredibly brave.
All 3 of them are amazing.

[PerspicaciousGreen]

My brother was labelled "a genius" early in primary school. Then constantly failed to deliver on it because he was disorganised and only worked on things he was interested in. It's what you do that ultimately matters, not what you theoretically have the potential to do.

[terribleg]

I had a very advanced reading age & was reading at 4. I do have a higher than average IQ but academically I've always coasted. But I also have good EI & I think that goes further tbh.

[BigBlueDog]

My sun is the britest in his class becos he's ihnerited my amezing jeans.

[terribleg]

My eldest had a speed delay & only caught up reading wise with his peers at 6. I think he's sharp though so will be interesting to see.

[WorriedMillie]

It’s so hard to say
A family I know, both parents have PhDs.
High achievers on both sides of their families (medics, etc)
One of their children is incredibly academically bright, one is average, the other isn’t in the least bit academic
The brightest one has always been so, it was evident from a very early age with reading, etc

[Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin]

Dd's reception teacher told me she is a very bright girl as have her subsequent teachers. But she is a lazy little wotsit and like l say to her people skills are the most important thing to master.

[Wigeon]

My Y8 DD is doing really well academically. As a 3 year old I don’t think she was particularly “ahead” in terms of most developmental expectations. I think it’s pretty impossible to tell aged 3 what they’ll be like. I think a lot about how a 3 year old turns out comes from a base of parental input (reading to them, encouraging curiosity in everything, supporting their learning (in the widest sense, not just phonics and maths, etc etc).

[serin]

My DH is clever, has a PhD, and usually scores better than the teams on university challenge by himself.
Our DC were all average at primary school. Often coming bottom of the class for spellings we never pushed them or tutored them, just believed that they would pull it out of the bag as they got older and they all did.
All 3 have are doing or have got degrees and they are interested in politics, music, science, astronomy and wildlife.
I would say dont worry about your DCs academic performance, just focus on having fun with them. Childhood is over in a flash and I'm convinced pushing them to jump through academic hoops does them no good in the long run.

[Dipi79]

I was the 'intelligent' child; my mother only seemed to value me based on my academic ability. I may have been clever, but I was a troubled child, teen and adult; I have totally 'failed' to meet my potential.
My sister was not as academically inclined, but has done amazingly well within her career and is a really decent, well rounded person.
I'd rather my daughters were emotionally intelligent and have healthy self-esteem than excel academically, so I'm not looking for early indicators of perceived/potential intelligence.

[ForwardRanger]

Depends what sort of clever but to answer your question my eldest was unusual from birth, doctor remarking on how amazing it was she could hold her head up at one week (I had no idea it was unusual) and so it went on though again, people make so many comments that it just washes over you. It was only with hindsight that I could see what they meant. School was VG and she received many opportunities and support for academic extension.
I didn't realise that she was unusual till the next child came along a few years later, hit milestones right on target, much more "normal". This one has a few talents but definitely not academic like the oldest.

[BanginChoons]

@AmIaboringfart your daughter sounds wonderful, and the way you speak of her is just lovely.

I have 3 children. My eldest is a teen and somewhere in the middle academically. My youngest is a bright girl, and very sociable and fun. She's not top of the class but she has a bubbly personality which I feel will take her far.

My 9 year old son is very academic. His reading age is 14, and his teacher says his vocabulary is amazing. He just "gets" maths and flies through it. He is also very good at creative writing. He's great at coding too, and recently recreated his pet, with all the daily tasks he does for her, and a calculator which shows how happy/unhappy she is based on tasks completed.
However he doesn't have any interest or flair for arts and crafts, and cannot play turn based games without the likelihood of going into meltdown (He is on the asd pathway). He also struggles to name his own feelings and read those of others.
He is a very kind, gentle boy, but for his intelligence to play a part in success, he will need to manage the things he finds more difficult.

[MissScarletInLibrary]

My DN is very very bright 12 A* GCSE, 6 As at A Level, 1st from top uni, 97% in his a masters and now has a very successful career.

Like PP he didn’t sleep much as a child, stopped having daytime naps at 6 months and slept about 7 hours a night as a baby/child (now has about 4 hours sleep a night). His language skills were very advanced at a young age, my parents have a video of him lying at 17 months so his understanding of language was very good. Apparently being able to lie at a young age is an indicator of intelligence.

Having said all that I’d far rather not be as bright as he is, he has struggled with relationships and friendships and is very difficult to live with (and I mean that in the nicest way as possible).

[Artesia]

My oldest has a photographic memory, taught himself to read at 2, and was quite remarkable when he was young. He’s still very bright, but low eq, and disorganised. Also a bit lazy- he’s used to things coming easily so gets frustrated and doesn’t know how to work at things.

Younger 2 are perfectly bright and able, but less “remarkable”. I suspect they will have much happier and easier lives- they have better emotional intelligence, and work ethic. Natural intelligence is definitely not the best all and end all, and I’d now say I’d rather have a competent, confident all-rounder than an academic outlier.

[B33Fr33]

The really clever one did pick everything up easily BUT I had to teach her more resilience if, heaven forbid, she got anything wrong. S The clever one is outperforming her sister because she works hard at everything.
The youngest I know is very thoughtful and has a very curious mind. I'm not sure he will do well in terms of school clever though. He's 5 now, a long way behind where his sister's were 10 - 15 years ago. It's not a worry as clearly his curiosity will drive him a bit.

[HermioneMakepeace]

I have a genius level IQ and my DS was talking at 10 months. He showed exceptional promise early on, in spite of us not pushing him at all. However... as the years have gone by, both DH and I have been less than involved as we have been too preoccupied with work and I feel looking back that we could have done more. Consequently, as a mid-teen, he is performing at lower than average and is in the bottom set for maths.

Meanwhile, several of my pushy-parent friends with their average ability children have pushed them and pushed them so that they are now performing at the top of their age group.

My conclusion is that ability is almost entirely to do with how much time (and money probably), parents invest in their children.

[IncorrigibleTitmouse]

My DS is very bright, loves reading but is SO lazy. He’s one of those kids that needs to be nagged into doing anything he’s not 110% interested in. He spoke very early, like I did, and loves what he loves with a passion but he’s not a good all-rounder.

I see him being like my brother was. He is exceptionally intelligent and has come into his own as an adult but went to university in his mid 20s because he just didn’t have the maturity or self discipline at school. Now he’s in an excellent career and leads a large team in a complex business discipline.

I was always quite resentful of it as a child because, while I am intelligent and also in a fantastic career, I always had to work hard to get the A’s I wanted. My brother was the type who could do no work, oversleep on the morning of his GCSEs and still come out with a B having done no revision at all!

[viques]

“Me and his dad did very well in school”

Though not in English.

Sorry, couldn’t resist.

[ColourfulElmerElephant]

It was noticeable with DD2 for as young as I can remember her being (newborn phase excluded!) but some of what I put down to her being advanced, eg hyperlexia, was probably because of ASD.

[hellcatspangle]

I have a very clever DS (he's a young adult now) As a toddler he was developmentally average, the first thing I noticed that marked him out was when they were given key words/spellings in reception, he was able to learn them really quickly and never got any wrong.

All through school he was on the bright side but he didn't seem to stand out particularly, he was more interested in playing sport than doing his homework. They used to have a list of "gifted and talented" kids and he was never on it! When he was about 14 it was as if a switch flicked on and he started studying really hard for his gcses, and I think the teachers were as amazed as he was when he finished up with a pile of A stars. He went on to do brilliantly at A level and uni and is starting his phd in September.

I think what really makes him stand out is the fact that he's so focussed and hardworking as well as having natural ability.