To wonder about how clever my child will be

[Whatdoyouthink86]

So I love my 3yo DS very dearly and he is a fascinating child. I know this might seem like a ridiculous question but I was wondering - those of you with "clever" grown up children - when did they turn out to be "clever"?

I know full well that being clever isn't that important and that there are many many other predictors of happiness and success in life. We will be proud of him no matter what. I am just curious really.

Me and his dad did very well at school and have successful careers. Early on, he doesn't seem to be ahead of his peers in many things. He's behind in a few. No developmental red flags. Could he be a late developer, or is this likely representative of his general ability?

It doesn't matter either way. I know plenty of people will jump to have a go at me but it's just a straightforward curious question.

We knew from a young age they were bright enough. They just showed huge interest in everything around them, had early problem solving skills and good concentration. We ensured they had good activities and interaction from very early on and they just continued to learn at a fast rate.

Specific measures were vocabulary, understanding of number and music, learning a second language quite easily in pre-school years and learning violin in pre-school years. They were all self taught readers before starting school, but did have good access to books and nursery did introduce formal reading and writing in last year before school. I think it is the level of curiosity and persistence in working things out that is one of the best indicators.

We did set high academic expectations to allow them a true choice of careers at eighteen. That said, they loved learning and wanted to achieve both academically and in extracurricular activities. They didn’t miss out on fun or friendships, but they had structure that supported learning in its widest sense.

My brother is very very clever. Cambridge academic in a STEM subject clever.

The signs were there at a very young age. He disproved Father Christmas at the age of 3. When told that the reindeer pulled the sledge through space he said 'it's not possible there is no friction in space for the hooves to push against' my mum was heavily pregnant with me at the time and she was just floored by this. Fair play to him, he never ruined it for me.

There are a few others in my mums family who are similarly intelligent and early showers. Apparently some great uncle of mine's first words at age 1 were 'buy Jackie a white rabbit' freaked my great great grandma out so much she went and did just that! Sadly he died at the age of 2 so we don't know how he would have been as an adult.

My LG is showing signs she might be similar. She's just 2 and her speech is far and away above her peers. She can pick up new things really fast. Her physical development was slow but mentally she is so clever. She is brighter than her older brother for sure.

I feel sorry for a 3 year old child whose parents are already worrying about whether they are clever enough. At that age, I wanted my children to be happy and to enjoy playing with their friends

@AmIaboringfart

I have a 6 year old so not quite the age you're asking.

She's considered "academically delayed" as in she is behind in every subject at school, some more behind than others - below expectations in every subject. I'd say she's below average intelligence.

But she is good at somethings, she's a good friend and she's a model pupil at school even with her struggles, she goes back to have another go when she hasn't quite understood something. This is far more important than were she is academically. Grades and exams can be done/earned at anytime, the ability to make friends and be a friend stays with you through life.

And for that I am so proud of her. I don't care about her academic performance, at all. She's never got star of the week, or a headteachers mention but she quietly gets on with it.

In a sea of people boasting about their kids’ academic abilities (stealthily or otherwise) this was lovely to read. In my opinion this is much more of an achievement than a child who is naturally clever and finds it easy to read/count/spell. You sound like such a lovely mum.

Around age 6 or 7 you see it all fall into place
My youngest regularly tells me that lettuce is soporific And I worried about his speech for 3 years

In a sea of people boasting about their kids’ academic abilities (stealthily or otherwise) this was lovely to read. In my opinion this is much more of an achievement than a child who is naturally clever and finds it easy to read/count/spell. You sound like such a lovely mum

Your right in that this post is lovely, but your wrong to suggest people are boasting!

These were all replies to a question and of course the replies were going to be those that have academically more able children, because that’s what the OP asked for.........

@Phrowzunn

The cleverest man I know lives alone and works in a bookshop. Lives a very solitary life no family or friends. Our “non academic” friends earn more than everyone else in our friendship group and are super popular and sporty.

Dd1 is academically bright 8s and 9s dd2 less so but she is creative people warm to her and she is stunningly beautiful. Who will go further in life? ...

GP told me at the six week check that dd was very intelligent- currently predicted mostly 9s for gcse but not at all sure how the GP could tell so early.

@AmIaboringfart

I have a 6 year old so not quite the age you're asking.

She's considered "academically delayed" as in she is behind in every subject at school, some more behind than others - below expectations in every subject. I'd say she's below average intelligence.

But she is good at somethings, she's a good friend and she's a model pupil at school even with her struggles, she goes back to have another go when she hasn't quite understood something. This is far more important than were she is academically. Grades and exams can be done/earned at anytime, the ability to make friends and be a friend stays with you through life.

And for that I am so proud of her. I don't care about her academic performance, at all. She's never got star of the week, or a headteachers mention but she quietly gets on with it.

Lovely post! And lovely mother! With you on her side I’m not surprised she is good at friendships and good at persevering. I hope you continue to tell her every day all her life how amazing she is 🙂

DH and I are both doctors and were very academically able at school. The DC are bright - the teenagers have always won academic awards at school and the primary school ones are heading in the same direction. They have always been selected for all the extension groups and the one I always thought of as the least academic (but most extroverted and social) got the highest mark in an external maths completion last year. My youngest is in the extension maths group of the year above. He is 7 and currently doing an adult sudoku for fun (morning here in Australia!)

They could all read before school (taught themselves, no flash cards) and had strong numeracy skills, good memories and good focus.
3/4 I would say will be capable of high grades and academic careers if they work hard. Having said that, there are so many unhappy children shoehorned into highly academic paths I want them to do something they enjoy and see a purpose to.

The 13 year old is probably “gifted” although I hate that word and we just talk about talent. She could count to 100 by 2 and 1000 by 4. I remember when she was about 3 she looked at the clock and asked where “13 o’clock” was and taught herself to tell the time after that. She’s very strong in maths/science and her problem solving in maths extension is beyond her parents’ capabilities now. She gets As in the humanities because she’s structured and organised in her written responses. There are 3 others in her year of 200 but they are also all receiving external extension tutoring abs she’s not but she’s got a good cohort. She doesn’t spend ages studying because she’s organised and most class work is pretty straightforward for her. Her main focus right now is swimming.

There are a lot of “advanced” toddlers who end up happy, averagely attaining children. I think by 9-10 years you’ll get a reasonable idea.

I have wondered this myself as my 18m old hasn't uttered a single word yet and as a primary teacher, I do wonder if this might be bad news.
That said, I do have to remind myself that the children who achieve the most are the ones who try hard and stick at it, whatever the challenge. I was fairly average in actual ability through school but I got good GCSEs because I worked hard and wanted to go to university.
If my daughter has the same work ethic growing up, whatever her ability, I'll burst with pride.

@notanothertakeaway

I feel sorry for a 3 year old child whose parents are already worrying about whether they are clever enough. At that age, I wanted my children to be happy and to enjoy playing with their friends

And don’t we all? Bright children can be very happy, enjoy socialising and be motivated by learning. Happy, hard working and bright are not at all mutually exclusive.

The really ‘clever’ children in primary and lower secondary often flail at GCSE and A level. This is because everything is a bit easy for them: they don’t get that experience of struggling, having to persist and then cracking it. Instead, they have it cracked straight away. This bites them on the arse later on when the work becomes genuinely difficult and challenging. I honestly believe that the more intellectually average kids often fly higher because they enjoy the challenge, actually listen to the teacher and take direction. The ones who find it easy aged 10 often get complacent and a bit arrogant, then end up with average grades. Academic success at primary is a real double edged sword.

One of my dcs always got praised at primary school. We couldn’t see it at home because he’s really lazy so were always a bit ‘yes, yes that’s what they must say about every child’ but he’s at secondary school and usually comes in the top 3 for assessments across all the subjects.
We’re always a bit surprised.
My dd however, learnt to read at 3, loves maths, codes in her spare time and has been obviously bright from a young age.

It’s not always obvious at a young age.

Intelligence is so hard to quantify. I was extremely academically gifted from a young age but have not achieved anything like what what might have been expected of me. Perhaps it was the pressure?

My child (5) - is less “advanced” than I was but is a significantly happier, more confident individual at their young age, than I am at 32.

The ones who find it easy aged 10 often get complacent and a bit arrogant, then end up with average grades. Academic success at primary is a real double edged sword.

I think this depends on the school and the cohort. In class differentiation, pull out extension and lots of external competitions mean that class tests are easy but the day-to-day work is fun and challenging.

As I have got older I realised that actually being emotionally intelligent is more important in life than academic achievement.The most important thingfor my child is to see them happy and settled.My youngest DD was very behind educationally at school but soon caught up and overtook her peers.My eldest DD was doing so well academically but lost interest by the time she sat her gcse's.She was very hard on herself too.All I want is for them to be happy!

@AmIaboringfart Your child sounds lovely and you sound like a lovely Mum.

I used to wonder the same thing -my youngest was completely unable to focus and found the lessons boring but had lots of friends-so I thought she'd be a little social butterfly-more at school for the mates than learning(like me) however she really took off in year3-she started to really enjoy numbers and maths"rules" and retained the stuff so she could quickly move onto different areas and by year6 was working 2 years ahead off the classroom. The same with reading-always loved books, not any early reader, but prolific and what you'd call a "bookworm"in my school days. Taught herself a language as she had read about Mayan culture...Was always really well directed and seemed to just love learning stuff..
Ended up being suggested for merit scholarship and is now in a fantastic high school which challenges her and she gets a buzz out of being smart and achieving rather than having to dumb it down.

Really enjoying hearing everyone's stories about their children! And how proud everyone is of their kids whatever talents and qualities they have.

It's interesting the minority of people who interpret people talking factually and with pride about their children - in direct response to a question specifically asking - as boasting, or somehow that if you wonder about your children's abilities or future that somehow you are definitely pressurising them or only caring about academic attainment. I think it says more about you if that's how you see it 🤔

I suppose one of the reasons I asked this question is that I have a general sense that DS is bright, maybe not an all rounder but could find a niche in which to excel, but basically this isn't being borne out by actual facts at the moment 🙃 it sounds like others have had a similar child who did eventually find their talent. Of course, as I said before, it doesn't matter either way. Of course I just want him to be happy. I'm sure everyone thinks about their children's futures!

I do think that the people saying that people skills are more important in happiness and success etc - yes I do agree with this to an extent but I am also aware for the parents out there with autistic children it's probably helpful to acknowledge that there are many different ways to be happy and not all of them involve spectacular social skills. I guess what we're al saying is that success and happiness comes in many different forms, and being comfortable with oneself is probably the crucial factor. Which is of course what we're all trying to foster in our kids anyway.

I’m secretly interested in this too. My husband and I are both clever, and showed signs of brightness as babies. My son is only 4 months so too early to tell (but naturally I think he is the most alert, interested and curious child ever to have existed )

I'm actually the cautionary tale ! I was reading early and started primary school books in nursery , finished all the reading level books half way through primary. Was told I was gifted , went for tests etc when I was small, spoke languages played music etc got to senior school, learned how to bunk off.
Still passed my exams hung around wasting time at college , still passed my a levels , got a place at uni - didn't go !!! Worked in a supermarket and went off to be a rep in majorca. I'm such a waste I'm now a travel agent not doing very well because of covid
My brother was a plodder....worked so hard ...intelligent but average, he's the one with the letters after his name and a six figure salary, kids going private school
Moral of the story is- HARD WORK !

I can see my ds is like me. He learns quickly then just stitches off , he knows it already then gets bored, mind wanders , resents having to go over things for the sake of the rest of the class . Luckily hrs sporty so concentrating on that to keep him out of trouble!

The really ‘clever’ children in primary and lower secondary often flail at GCSE and A level. This is because everything is a bit easy for them: they don’t get that experience of struggling, having to persist and then cracking it. Instead, they have it cracked straight away. This bites them on the arse later on when the work becomes genuinely difficult and challenging.

This is an interesting view. I’m not sure that is born out in reality. All the bright, tiny ones I’ve known have done very well throughout school and university. Most sailed through school exams.

I do accept there is a point they become more ordinary for their peer group, less golden child, and that can come as a bit of a surprise. I think it’s hugely important to ensure children have things they find challenging put into their learning as well as building on their talents. Failing well should be taught at an early stage to help them develop resilience.