How to apologise to neighbours for noise complaint?

[historymajor]

Just found out that my neighbours think we are evil loud monsters (we are) and I want to apologise.
I am torn between
YABU
knocking their front door with a box of chocolates and apologising in person
YANBU
knock door running and leaving the chocolates and a note saying sorry

what would you prefer?

I really really would not want chocolates in this circumstance. I think it’s inappropriate and looks like a token.

Instead, I would want you to tell me how the excessive noise will stop. And then I’d want that excessive noise to actually stop.

Actually a face-to-face apology would really piss me off. Because there’s really only one reply to an apology, and that’s to say “it’s OK”. Which it really wouldn’t be for me.
If you are genuinely apologetic then you need to reduce the noise.
“adult MH” doesn’t really explain it.

Sounds like you can't do anything to stop the noise, so maybe an explanation rather than an apology. It would be an an unusually unsympathetic person who would still complain once they understood the circumstances.

@ThereOnceWasANote

Sounds like you can't do anything to stop the noise, so maybe an explanation rather than an apology. It would be an an unusually unsympathetic person who would still complain once they understood the circumstances.

But we don't know what those circumstances are. An adult with mental health issues causing near constant noise that can be heard through walls and closed windows. Not nearly enough information to form an opinion on whether it's reasonable or not.

If the cause of the noise is from an adult with MH issues, why would you say "we are evil loud monsters" in your opening post, OP? That statement is very odd, if you are under difficult circumstances.

I think the opening post was trying to make lite of a tricky situ.

Anyway replying as just wanted to observe that I opened this thread just now and assumed that the OP (despite her opening statement) wasn't especially loud but facing neighbours who are rather sensitive and intolerant of family life, especially in lockdown. Interesting that everyone else assumed the OP was noisy.

Maybe this assumption is based on a complaint we had for the first time recently. I got a note through our door complaining of noise. I immediately thought it was the people who live below us but also thought it was odd that they didn't just come and tell me as we do speak occasionally. I knocked on their door to apologise and ask if there were specific times that were problematic (kids were home all the time as was in January and I thought it was to do with them doing home school PE in the flat!). I discovered it was not them who complained and they said they actually thought we were really quite considering kids at home all the time and had wondered if we'd managed to get away . So different people really have diff tolerance to noise. Complaint must have come from Nextdoor which is a diff part of block to us (so we don't share corridors) & I am not even sure which number flat so cannot apologise to them. We have tried to be quieter but not killed ourselves over it given the views of the person below us who hears most action from our flat

I think acknowledging the complaint and inconvenience, and the fact that you can't change it is the best you can do. I hope you are OK OP.

Aw you sound like a nice person.

I'm a coward so I'd leave a note and chocolates. I can imagine the neighbour might be less-than-nice so I wouldn't want to hear from them.

@historymajor

The noise is adult with MH issues so nothing as easy as chucking headphones in and keeping out of the garden I'm afraid. I think in person and with a token gift then. Hopefully they don't get shoved up my bum

name change for obvious reasons- don't want this linked to my other posts

Wouldn't this involve an explanation rather than an apology? How is that your fault?