How to apologise to neighbours for noise complaint?

[historymajor]

Just found out that my neighbours think we are evil loud monsters (we are) and I want to apologise.
I am torn between
YABU
knocking their front door with a box of chocolates and apologising in person
YANBU
knock door running and leaving the chocolates and a note saying sorry

what would you prefer?

Are you my neighbours and hired a bouncy castle over the weekend? The noise from the adults shouting and screaming was so bad the rest of us neighbours went back inside. I don't get why people think noise in the garden is acceptable at all, it's still disturbing.
If you were my neighbours I would probably just prefer a note and a reassurance, nothing else needed.

I wouldn’t do anything.
If you do and the next time your noisy (or try think you’re noisy) they’ll be expecting an apology etc

If I was your neighbour I'd appreciate you just stopping the bloody noise, frankly. Why would they want a box of chocolates?

I would do nothing and certainly nothing in writing.

What has actually happened?

If it was a one off (party or similar) I would put a gory note apologising for the noise, for not warning them and an assurance it won’t happen again.
If it’s a more continuous problem then I’d put a note through apologising and suggesting a quick chat so you can apologise properly and see what you can do to reduce noise to them as you’re not sure what rooms or times are worst.

I would not just go round and expect to chat. They may be really pissed off and it might not go as well as either of you need it to.

I would lèave chocolates out of it completely. Not appropriate.

I don't like chocolate so don't bother with those. Of the 2 options a personal apology is better than a note, but I would just probably leave it, move on and change my noisy ways from now on.
But YABU for not providing further details on your OP.

If it was a one off (party or similar) I would put a short note apologising for the noise, for not warning them and an assurance it won’t happen again.
If it’s a more continuous problem then I’d put a note through apologising and suggesting a quick chat so you can apologise properly and see what you can do to reduce noise to them as you’re not sure what rooms or times are worst.

I would not just go round and expect to chat. They may be really pissed off and it might not go as well as either of you need it to.

I would lèave chocolates out of it completely. Not appropriate and unnecessary.

I wouldn’t want an apology, a box of chocolates or a note.
You admit you’re evil loud monsters, I’d like to know what you’re going to do about it before I report you to the council.

Peculiar post. What’s the noise? Long term? Short term? Why this slightly giggly tone to it all - why all this drama with chocolates, not saying what the noise was or how it’s going to continue or not. Just say sorry, take it bloody seriously and stop making noise.

Short note from me now to apologise for double post. Phone behaving oddly.

In person, and of course the best apology is not being noisy in future. Glad you recognise it as well.

If you really want to annoy them just to the first bit i.e. knock on the door and run!

We had this the other day. Neighbours making an huge racket with a party (yes in COVID times!) which I had to message and ask them to turn down. They came round the next day and apologised. I appreciated it - although i would appreciate it all the more if they just didn't do it again! It's very, very inconsiderate.

In person would be better. It gives scope for conversation about how to move forward. If your neighbour can tell you exactly what the issues are it might give you scope for making changes to improve things.

Half a story.

I vote for an apology in person - that’s a nice thing to do OP, and listen to anything that the neighbour wants to say to you in return.

I am also on the receiving end of neighbour noise, I want to be reasonable, tolerant and understanding, but I wish I could just have the chance to explain which noises impact me so badly and to ask if there is any middle ground. I think the people on the receiving end of noise just want their worries to be “heard”.

I think OP is getting a lot of flack. She’s admitted that she’s really ashamed and embarrassed and just wants to make things right. She clearly knows that beyond the apology she also needs to keep the noise down for goodness sake! But she also wants to acknowledge their upset, take responsibility and apologise for it, which I think is admirable!

OP I would go round in person with flowers (some people don’t like chocolate) and simply say you are so so sorry, you realise things have been too loud and you will make sure it doesn’t happen in future. Take a note in case they’re not in.

I'd just prefer you to stop it. I wouldn't give a fuck about chocolate.

@Cap89

I think OP is getting a lot of flack. She’s admitted that she’s really ashamed and embarrassed and just wants to make things right. She clearly knows that beyond the apology she also needs to keep the noise down for goodness sake! But she also wants to acknowledge their upset, take responsibility and apologise for it, which I think is admirable!

OP I would go round in person with flowers (some people don’t like chocolate) and simply say you are so so sorry, you realise things have been too loud and you will make sure it doesn’t happen in future. Take a note in case they’re not in.

Maybe. Bit hard to give much credence to the "ashamed and embarrassed" bit, when op admits they already knew they were loud and annoying and doesn't mention any plans to stop.

If it was a one off then chocolate/flowers/wine and an apology and explanation would be fine.

From your OP it sounds like you are wilfully noisy and this will continue? What sort of noise is it? DIY/Door slamming/Barking Dog/Shouting? You need to try to minimise the amount of noise and the impact it is having on your neighbours, so maybe ask them what the worst bits are and consider how you can rectify it?

Being sorry is ok but you have to reassure them that it wont happen again and make sure it doesn't.

Noisy neighbours broke my health. She apologised when I complained but nothing ever changed.

I may be way off but if a neighbour gave me chocolates or flowers I’d assume they thought that made it ok. I’d find it far from relevant or reassuring tbh.
Whatever you do good luck op and hope you sort things out Re whatever is causing so much noise from your house.

I'd just want you to stop the noise, no apology needed if it doesn't carry on.

If the reason for the noise is someone in the house with additional needs I'd go round and have a chat with them about the circumstances.

@lunar1

I'd just want you to stop the noise, no apology needed if it doesn't carry on.

If the reason for the noise is someone in the house with additional needs I'd go round and have a chat with them about the circumstances.

This tbh. If there is a genuine mitigating circumstance like that then it might be worthwhile going to explain to the neighbours that you're doing what you can but some noise is unavoidable. If, however, you're actually just being antisocial and thoughtless that's another matter. In my old house had neighbours who made my life a living hell with shouting, banging, music, dog barking, parties etc at all hours of the day and night (after trying to speak to them politely about it and nothing changing I reported it to the council multiple times but got nowhere, and the police were out once or twice for 5AM parties). I was a nervous wreck and if they had given me chocolates I think I would have shoved the box up their arse.

I'd prefer a personal approach with a genuine apology and a reassurance it won't happen again. It will help you and the neighbour get off on a better footing. Notes between neighbours is too remote.