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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to apologise to neighbours for noise complaint?

159 replies

historymajor · 06/04/2021 15:46

Just found out that my neighbours think we are evil loud monsters (we are) and I want to apologise.
I am torn between
YABU
knocking their front door with a box of chocolates and apologising in person
YANBU
knock door running and leaving the chocolates and a note saying sorry

what would you prefer?

OP posts:
CatsHairEverywhere2 · 06/04/2021 19:47

@Daphnise absolutely no one should be shutting up and staying quiet for fear of disturbing their neighbours ffs, what bloody stupid advice to give.

OP don’t shut up and stay quiet in your own home, just keep noise within an acceptable level. You are entitled to make noise within your home Hmm

LST · 06/04/2021 19:48

@Daphnise

Just shut up, and stay quiet might be the best idea.
Oooo maybe try reading the whole thread. Then you wouldn't look like such a knob
EmpressWitchDoesntBurn · 06/04/2021 19:50

Oooo maybe try reading the whole thread. Then you wouldn't look like such a knob

No good. There will be a flood of posters who couldn’t be bothered to read all the OP’s posts, let alone the whole thread. There always are.

GreyhoundG1rl · 06/04/2021 19:53

I'm wondering why op did the whole "We're loud evil monsters" thing and only returned some considerable time later to say it was one adult with mental health problems.
Deliberate? I think so.

EffYouSeeKaye · 06/04/2021 19:53

@RockingMyFiftiesNot

The noise is adult with MH issues

That info would have been useful in the OP

This.
PomPomSugar · 06/04/2021 20:03

I haven’t read the full thread but I have been the complaining neighbour. I just popped my head over the fence when it got to 1am and the neighbours were still outside talking/giggling and singing (pre covid) and just asked really politely if they would mind either being a little quieter or going indoors as our child had just been woken up. I must also say that if it was a party and we werepre-warned it would not have been an issue.
Next day our neighbour is on the doorstep crying with flowers, wine and chocolates for the children with a sorry card that read like they had stolen our pet or something. Extremely uncomfortable for all involved!
I would just pop over and just say really sorry and you’ll try not to upset them again.

icdtap · 06/04/2021 20:06

If it's an adult with mental health issues how are you going to keep the noise down in future?
No point going round with chocolates and apologizing if you can't actually change things!
But it would be worth having a conversation about the reasons for the noise etc.

PurpleOkapi · 06/04/2021 20:07

Why would you say "we're evil loud monsters" if the noise is only coming from one person? Regardless, assuming that person's mental health issues aren't going to go away, there's nothing to be accomplished by apologizing. They don't care whether you're sorry, they care whether the noise is going to stop, and it apparently isn't. Telling them they need to suck it up isn't going to go over any better with chocolates attached.

S111n20 · 06/04/2021 20:16

I don’t think you’ve explained the situation properly for people to be able to give you advice.

4Mongrels · 06/04/2021 20:18

Is it an adult with a disability or an adult that shouts at other family members because they can’t (or don’t want to) control their temper?

How you handle it depends on how avoidable it is.

anothernamechange224466 · 06/04/2021 20:20

Why should people shut up and stay quiet in their homes. Honestly some replies on here. We are a family of 5 and we make the normal amount of family noise and my neighbours have harassed us about it for 7 years. I always read these threads and wonder if one of the moaning minnies is my neighbourGrin

GreyhoundG1rl · 06/04/2021 20:21

7 years, and you don't think there's any issue? Christ Hmm

HeronLanyon · 06/04/2021 20:22

Op I once lived next to family with a child with mh issues - this created a lot of noise. Once I knew (the mum came round) it transformed my whole ability to live with it. One of the awful things about noise is feeling that it’s being caused by inconsiderate tossers - can engender a victim feeling and/or anger. I’d hope a calm and adult chat with neighbours will help them understand.

Ive also lived next to out and out inconsiderate tossers - all night parties etc. Also lived next to a drug dealer who was for good reason one of the quietest neighbours ever. Didn’t want to cause neighbour problems and he knew I was a criminal barrister (defence). Other than the odd customer knocking on my door instead of his. He was particularly quiet when in prison.
Good luck op.

PurpleOkapi · 06/04/2021 20:23

If your neighbors can hear you with their windows closed, you're too loud.

CovidCorvid · 06/04/2021 20:24

Are they aware of the situation? If they are and have still complained that’s not nice.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 06/04/2021 20:28

@anothernamechange224466

Why should people shut up and stay quiet in their homes. Honestly some replies on here. We are a family of 5 and we make the normal amount of family noise and my neighbours have harassed us about it for 7 years. I always read these threads and wonder if one of the moaning minnies is my neighbourGrin
There's a difference between a normal amount of family noise and constant partying so that no-one else can enjoy their gardens. However this thread has moved on from that to something completely different
OldCow1 · 06/04/2021 20:29

Apology and assurance you will change your behaviour

TakeYourFinalPosition · 06/04/2021 20:32

If it's an adult with mental health issues how are you going to keep the noise down in future?
No point going round with chocolates and apologizing if you can't actually change things!
But it would be worth having a conversation about the reasons for the noise etc.

This.

1forAll74 · 06/04/2021 20:32

I would apologise in person. A box of chocolates wouldn't be much use,,They will need to know from you, that you will attempt to keep a less noisier household. That would be enough for me as an apology.

anothernamechange224466 · 06/04/2021 20:35

@GreyhoundG1rl

7 years, and you don't think there's any issue? Christ Hmm
Yes there obviously is an issue. I've contacted the relevant council departments on numerous occasions and we have been reassured we are doing nothing wrong. Some people are just not very nice and my neighbour is one of them.
anothernamechange224466 · 06/04/2021 20:38

OP I wouldn't bother apologising if your neighbour has made a complaint and hasn't bothered speaking to you first. Just ring the council department and have a chat with them, explain your circumstances and they should tell you more specifics about the complaint and give you advice.

GreyhoundG1rl · 06/04/2021 20:40

Yes there obviously is an issue. I've contacted the relevant council departments on numerous occasions and we have been reassured we are doing nothing wrong. Some people are just not very nice and my neighbour is one of them.
Oh, I see. I thought you were just brushing off someone's valid complaint with a blithe "tough shit, suck it up".
Apologies.

SD1978 · 06/04/2021 20:46

Is there anything that can be done? From your update, is this likely to be an ongoing situation, or does it have an end? If it's ongoing- I'd probably talk to them, to explain as much of the situation as you're comfortable to, and acknowledge that it's difficult for both you and them.

LincolnshireYellowBelly · 06/04/2021 20:49

Personally I’d hate a face to face conversation. I’d find it awkward and really uncomfortable.

Hydrate · 06/04/2021 20:59

Knock on the door and apologise in person. No chocolates.