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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter looks like her Dad :-(

492 replies

Dorset555 · 06/04/2021 15:43

Hi I'm really annoyed that I'm so annoyed about this but my first child (7 week old daughter) looks just like my partner. She has done since she was born and everyone says it...his family. My family ..everyone. any photo we put online is followed by a barrage of comments to him 'oh she's your double' etc.
Firstly I don't want my daughter to look like a 40 year old man. Secondly am I being unreasonable, but I feel really jealous and upset that she doesn't look like me. I feel like I have put so much time and effort into making her and now spend 90% of my time looking after her and I just don't see any of myself in her appearance and literally all of him. To make things worse my partner is not really enjoying being a new dad and I'm trying to help him adjust but I don't even feel he really likes her yet. It all seems very unfair.
I keep checking myself though as I'm so grateful she's a happy healthy baby and this is really very unimportant. But I have to say its getting me down a bit. Am I being unreasonable? Thanks for any comments/advice.

OP posts:
Butwasitherdriveway · 06/04/2021 17:36

Aw OP. in the nicest possible way, yes you're being ridiculous.

LordOfTheOnionRings · 06/04/2021 17:39

This isn't a real thread surely

user1492809438 · 06/04/2021 17:40

Just reply, "well as long as she has my brains she'll be fine."

FinallyFluid · 06/04/2021 17:40

My DS is approaching twenty,.............. twenty years of oh isn't he like his Dad, all of a sudden, people are saying looks like A, but bloody hell your eyes are staring out of that photo.

Works for me.

micaschist · 06/04/2021 17:42

I think there's quite a few people being unnecessarily mean, but it is AIBU. OP, you are exhausted, hormonal and your whole life has changed. Hopefully the kinder replies you've had have reassured you.

mylaptopismylapdog · 06/04/2021 17:43

At 7 weeks I think you are being very reasonable it is a massive adjustment to have a new baby in you’re life and your hormones will be all over the place.
Congratulations

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 06/04/2021 17:47

To make things worse my partner is not really enjoying being a new dad and I'm trying to help him adjust but I don't even feel he really likes her yet. It all seems very unfair.

@Dorset555 this is the bit that jumps out at me. Is your actual gripe that your DH isn’t really pulling his weight?

sanfranfibber · 06/04/2021 17:48

@Temp023

It’s an evolutionary strategy, babies look like their Dads so that their Dad knows the baby is his baby and is therefore invested in supporting Mother and baby.
This is COMPLETE BOLLOCKS and has been disproven. It's a myth.
endofthelinefinally · 06/04/2021 17:48

They change so much in the first few months anyway. You will see all sorts of features and expressions that remind you of family members on both sides. My eldest son never looked anything like me (he was exceptionally good looking Grin). My younger DC are also beautiful and look a bit more like my side of the family. It doesn't matter.

ScrumptiousBears · 06/04/2021 17:50

I have two DD. One the spit of me and the other the spit of DP. Neither look like each other and you wouldn't think they are sisters until you saw DP all four of us together.

rosegoldivy · 06/04/2021 17:51

My DD looked like a hairy potato when she was born. Hope that helps. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Happycat1212 · 06/04/2021 17:52

Doesn’t sound like the op is enjoying parenthood much either but yeh let’s all blame the man for not enjoying it 🙄 maybe he’s fed up of the op being upset because the baby looks like it’s father 😑

palapenojopper · 06/04/2021 17:53

She'll change and start to look more like you.
I have a few friends with little girls who look like their dads but not in a "40 yo man" way. Just carrying distinguishing features.
She will be beautiful.

It is annoying when you've carried her for 9 months though!

Bitofanexpert · 06/04/2021 17:55

God the poster admitted it was a daft thought on page 1. I hate pile ons like this! Are we not allowed the odd stupid thought anymore, even when we put our hands up to it?!

baublewobble · 06/04/2021 17:57

My two sons are the spitting image of their dad. Fair skinned blue eyes. My daughter on the other hand has fairly dark skin, brown hair and brown eyes. Now I too have blue eyes but brown hair with pale skin, so her brown eyes and dark skin were quite a shock to us. We have constant comments of how she looks like neither myself or her Dad! I would rather she looked like her Dad than the constant teasing of where did I meet her Dad, or did I know the postman well etc etc. It's awful!

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 06/04/2021 17:57

Oh, lovely, please don't be cross with me for saying this, but you may legitimately be somewhat hormonal! This too shall pass!

eatsleepread · 06/04/2021 17:58

YABU but congrats anyway.

lioncitygirl · 06/04/2021 17:59

My daughter looked just like her father when born....at 7 now, she’s my double.

sst1234 · 06/04/2021 18:01

Did you expect her to look like someone else? Is there something you want to tell your partner?

Wellyouknowbest · 06/04/2021 18:04

Who did you want her to look like, the milk man?? People see what they want to see but babies all look the same really, beautiful to their parents and just babies to everyone else! My partners family see all him in my kids but my family see me, because they knew me at 0, 2 ,3 years etc. I'm sure she'll change soon too

GreenSlide · 06/04/2021 18:07

@Dorset555

Thanks all..yea I think my partner is struggling and it's hard to be there to help him when I'm so knackered and adjusting myself. I think for women the realisation that life is changing and will.never be the same comes the day you get a positive pregnancy test...for my partner it seems to havenonly really hit home recently and I think he's mouring his old life/freedom! I have limited sympathy at the moment and don't want him getting stressed around the baby tbh. Thanks for the helpful comments can't believe how many people have replied so quickly- thank you!!!!
Sounds like the infernal struggle of parenting to me Grin
laidbacklife · 06/04/2021 18:08

Most babies look like their dad when infants. They grow out of it!!! The older she becomes, the more she’ll look like you.

MostIneptThatEverStepped · 06/04/2021 18:10

Could be worse OP. Seconds after my youngest daughter was born my exH announced "she looks like Paddy Ashdown".

Thankfully she didn't then and definitely doesn't now at 22 😂

Lennon80 · 06/04/2021 18:11

Don’t worry they change absolutely loads - my middle one was a carbon copy of his dad but as time has gone by I can see myself in him. Yanbu all women deep down want their babies to look like them - you made her she is yours!

Lennon80 · 06/04/2021 18:12

This - biological reasons so they aren’t rejected. I’ve got a mixed heritage child who was born with jet black hair and is now ginger, like me!