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I'm a grown up, but not a real one...

116 replies

PeapodBurgundy · 05/04/2021 22:21

I'm just sat wondering if I'm ever going to feel like an adult? I'm 32, I have a long term partner, two DC (with aforementioned partner), a mortgage and I've just gone back to work as a teacher after being a SAHP. I still like I'm blagging/faking my way through adulthood. I don't feel like a real grown up at all, so I'm starting to think I never will.

Does anyone feel like a "proper" adult?

OP posts:

SaveWaterDrinkGin · 05/04/2021 22:24

I wing it pretty well and then every now and then certain things come along which floor me and I feel like I need a supervising adult to help me with! DD’s school application, prime example.


2021youpromisedyoudbebetter · 05/04/2021 22:25

Me too, similar age, have a baby and just renovated our house etc but still feel like I'm faking it. I dunno if it's how older people felt when I was a child as I'm waiting for the moment I feel like a true grown up


MrsTulipTattsyrup · 05/04/2021 22:26

I’m 50. Married for nearly 20 years. No children. Mortgage. Big job. Still don’t like coffee or olives. My folks are still very much alive and well, and they are the grown ups. I get confused when people call me Mrs Tattsyrup, because that’s my mother in law.

Definitely not grown up. I still feel like I did when I was 17, but with the added knowledge and confidence of all my experience. Best of all worlds!


lastqueenofscotland · 05/04/2021 22:28

Similar age, mortgage (which is did by myself), lived abroad for a while, in a good LTR, masters, good job, nice car.
I feel no more like an adult than I did at about 13! I feel like a fraud a lot of the time.


BeingATwatItsABingThing · 05/04/2021 22:30

I’m not a proper adult. I’m nearly 27, married, have two DDs (7 and 6m), have a mortgage and I’m an experienced teacher. I still look for more adult-like adults than me.

I don’t drink. Cheese is the only acceptable topping for pizza. I love macaroni cheese. I really am just a child in an adult’s body.


BeingATwatItsABingThing · 05/04/2021 22:32

I get confused when people call me Mrs Tattsyrup, because that’s my mother in law.

The only reason I’m used to Mrs BeingATwat is because I’m a teacher so I hear it constantly.


Megan2018 · 05/04/2021 22:32

43, have husband, child, senior management job, MBA, on my 5th mortgage and also have a BTL. Still feel like a complete fake.
Not got my shit together at all.

At work my team frequently look at me to take the lead (as I’m paid to) I get this awful feeling where I’m frantically looking for a more adulty adult to take control and then realise they are all looking at me.
I hate it. I’m not up to it. Fact. Given the choice I’d happily go home to Mum and Dad.


PeapodBurgundy · 05/04/2021 22:33

Thank goodness I'm not alone!! Grin

OP posts:

DuringDinnerMints · 05/04/2021 22:33

Who on earth wants to be a grown up?! Grin


hamstersarse · 05/04/2021 22:34

I feel like an adult.
I was chaotic in my teens / early 20s. Gave no shits

I have responsibilities now that I cherish in many ways. I don’t feel overwhelmed with’s much better having things and people to live for rather than just existing in your own universe. I like feeling grown up.

But in saying that, pretty much everyone who knows me would say I’m often quite juvenile and suppose I am, I crack shit jokes, love a bit of banter and adore a drunken night with my’s just I have shit to sort out before I can do all that now. Time and place...but that suits me


TokyoSushi · 05/04/2021 22:34

41 DH, DC, House, job, no idea what I'm doing, feel like a teenager!


Neolara · 05/04/2021 22:34

I'm 51 and I feel exactly the same.


SnarkyBag · 05/04/2021 22:35

When I visit schools I get in quick to tell the children to call me by my first name before teachers can introduce me. Absolutely do not feel grown up enough to be called Mrs Snarkybag. Mid forties but not sure I’ll ever feel like I’m doing being a grown up quite right!


CaffeineAndCrochet · 05/04/2021 22:35

Mid-30s, married with a ten year-old and we own our own home, but literally only starting to feel like an adult in the past couple of weeks. What's triggered it is that I've started a massive declutter of the house and it's the first time since moving in that I feel in control of things.


Iampicklerick · 05/04/2021 22:35

People always say “wow! Are you really 40?!” because I’m usually dressed like a child or climbing a climbing frame or swinging on a monkey bar or paddling down the brook or painting my face with face paint or dressing up as a book character just to sit in my house...

I don’t feel anything like an adult.


BrownEyedGirl80 · 05/04/2021 22:36

I'm 41 I have 1 dc and been married twice.I still feel not grown up enough to fully adult.


Hellocatshome · 05/04/2021 22:36

My kids often ask me when I am going to become a proper grown up. I wonder if actual adults feel like adults or are we all just pretending?


mswales · 05/04/2021 22:40

As Oliver Burkeman summed up really well in this article, almost no one really knows what they're doing, we all just pretend


WalkingMeAway · 05/04/2021 22:43

Was having this exact same conversation with my mum! Almost 40, 2 kids + 1 on the way. On my 2nd marriage, 5th property. Still feel like I'm 18! Mum said she still feels the same at 60.

I don't think it changes 🤷🏻‍♀️


Lalliella · 05/04/2021 22:45

I’m 55 and I reckon I’ve got the rest of my life to become a grown-up so I don’t intend to start just yet!


Namechange1991x · 05/04/2021 22:47

I have EUPD/BPD and a symptom of that is feeling like a child in an adults world that needs looking after.


Sittingonabench · 05/04/2021 22:48

Haha yes definitely relate to this. More often at work now as team looks to me for leadership (as that’s my role) and I look to my senior - unfortunately all my seniors are now retired/reaching retirement and I’m running out of adults to provide me adult supervision


userxx · 05/04/2021 22:49

Mid 40's and still wondering when I'll hit adulthood.


Coffeeisnecessary · 05/04/2021 22:50

I feel like I'm acting most of the time. When the shit hit the fan a couple of years ago and I had to actually take charge and sort stuff out I was bewildered and kept thinking: 'when are the proper adults coming to help me?!' was quite proud afterwards when things were sort of resolved. Still don't feel like a grown up. Even wearing a blazer makes me feel like I'm dressing up as an adult, I'm 40!!


1Morewineplease · 05/04/2021 22:50

I'm 56... when the going gets tough, I still want my mum.

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