I'm a grown up, but not a real one...

[PeapodBurgundy]

I'm just sat wondering if I'm ever going to feel like an adult? I'm 32, I have a long term partner, two DC (with aforementioned partner), a mortgage and I've just gone back to work as a teacher after being a SAHP. I still like I'm blagging/faking my way through adulthood. I don't feel like a real grown up at all, so I'm starting to think I never will.

Does anyone feel like a "proper" adult?

32 later this week!
Mortgage, been married for nearly 8 years, 2 children, pets, an actual business I have built myself, and I’m still not a proper grown up.
I look around for more adulty grown ups if anything complex happens. Or I ring my mum!
In my head I left uni in may. This year (because there’s no way I left a year ago let alone 11 years ago!) I’m still about 21-ish. I get confused when I’m on the phone with school because I’m looking around for MIL when they say “Mrs Penny” and I freak out.
I’m 100% a child, in an adults (flabby) body.
Not to mention I’ve already had a decent length career (I was teaching for 10 years!) and started my own business last year, it doesn’t feel like that at all.
Also I hate make up still, I can’t stand alcohol and I find it really funny to sing stupid words to songs.

And what have I asked for for my birthday?
Jelly bean scented shampoo!! #stilljustakid!

@thatonesmine

I'm a 64 year old who leaves her crusts.

And I’m 50 and don’t eat the whites of my dippy eggs.

Thank you OP - such a relief to hear I’m not alone!

47, 3 dcs, married for nearly 20 years, senior management role and yet most of the time I feel like I’m absolutely winging it. Like @Megan2018
I get this sinking feeling when I’m waiting for the grown ups to show up and tell me how to get stuff done and realise that the team expect me to adult for them!

Thankfully DH, despite being younger than me, is waaaay more sensible. Otherwise we’d be doomed

53 here...4 adult children and they seem more grown up than I am
The middle aged lady in the mirror is a daily surprise because I don't FEEL grown up yet.
I'm going to be a granny in a couple of weeks and that seems impossible..in my head my 26 yr old daughter is only about 11.. and she seems so much more competent and together than I ever have been !

Luckily I still have my Mum, and I don't want to ever lose her as then I'll be the oldest of my family and will have to assume I'm a grown up then!

I have found my people.

38, discussing my 40th next year and wondering if that's when my adulting setting will kick in. Reading this thread, apparently not.

I'm used to being Mrs. Rhubarb as I also work in a school but even there will regularly look to my my more adult colleagues to do the adulting. Comes as a bit of a shock to be invited to and expected to participate in important meetings.

Have two DC, a husband, a house.

But no life insurance. My friend told me tonight that I should get some. It feels far too grown up.

I did have a different conversation with another friend recently that went along the lines of 'I spent my teens and twenties trying to fit in,I started caring less what people think when I hit my 30s, but there's still a social expectation to meet. Can't wait until I'm 70 and I don't give a shit about that either'

So maybe we never grow up?

@Hardbackwriter

I realised recently that I keep assuming that the parents of other children the age of mine are older than me, when they're not (I had mine at a very average age), it's just that I think of them as grown ups and me and DH as not.

I get this. And occasionally I find out that they are younger than me.

That can't be. Because I'm still 18. Honestly.

Omg this is me and I thought it was just me, so glad to hear it's not

I’m 31, married, 1 DC, mortgage etc and I still feel about 16 inside. I’m definitely winging it all the time.

I'm 45 and definitely not a proper adult. Home is where I live now but home home is where my parents live. When we have family get togethers I would much rather play with the kids than talk to the adults.
I pay minimum pension contributions. I don't have enough money for current me, never mind future me.
I do like olives though.

I have children your age and I definitely don’t feel like an adult. Ii have a few friends who are adults and they are the ones who organise things and look after sick
People and take the minutes at meetings.
I have a very successful career, I brought up two wonderful people and I think in many ways they are more adult than me. I still feel abot 19 inside.

I have never admitted it to anyone in real life but I feel exactly the same. I’m 31 and have a husband, step daughter, pets and a big mortgage but I still feel about 16 years old.
We moved house recently and I was so relieved that my husband wanted to move closer to my parents (because he really likes the area) now we live 3 streets away and I feel so much safer ( I know how pathetic that sounds).
I traveled until I was 21 then came home and really focused on my career, about a year ago I got a huge promotion to upper management but I feel like such a fraud when I’m at work. Last Thursday I had to conduct staff appraisals, some of my staff are 10-20 years older than me and I kept expecting them to start asking me the questions!

I’m very much a grown up. I had a child with complex life threatening medical needs, and both he and his sibling have ASD. I went from feeling light hearted and easy going, to having the weight of the world on my shoulders. It’s never lifted.

When my child died suddenly, things went from bad to worse. There’s no heartache like losing a child.

It’s been long enough that I can fake happiness, but at my core I’m always a bereaved Mum.

My daughter’s Plan A : always see if there’s an Adultier Adult in any given situation.

Are you really 40?!” because I’m usually dressed like a child or climbing a climbing frame or swinging on a monkey bar or paddling down the brook or painting my face with face paint or dressing up as a book character just to sit in my house...

to me, you win the thread, lampickle

@PopAyetheSailorMam

My daughter’s Plan A : always see if there’s an Adultier Adult in any given situation.

I totally get this. I'm mid-30s and I have a seriously responsible job (as in people genuinely die if I fuck up) but I still don't feel like a grown up. Unfortunately I've found that my job means I'm generally the most adulty adult present!

@MyNameForToday1980

I'm 50/50

I ACT like an adult: I'm 40's, have a child, C-Suite job, own property, married. I dress like an adult, know how to host a dinner party and lay a good table. Am organised AF, I have monogrammed notecards for the Love of God.

But I FEEL like I'm about 20, whoever said it was okay for me to be in charge was misguided. I still hunger for mild civil disobedience, festering in bed all weekend, and spending my cash on going out and things to wear (when going out). It's pure luck no one has outed me yet as a big silly baby.

This is hilarious 😂 I came here to say exactly this. I'm (almost) 29 and still not sure who thought it's okay for me to be in charge 😂

I didn't feel like one until both my parents had died.

I do and I don't. I'll never be one of those super organised almost condescending mum-type figures - but I do run my house, kids, and job - and I feel like an adult in that way. I still listen to music I used to listen to, and have a dumb sense of humour with my friends. I guess I feel like an adult but not a certain kind of adult, if that makes sense.

63. Act like an adult but feel as if I really should be more grown up than I am. Especially around the younger generations who seem so much more sensible than me.

I'm only 27, so looks like I've got plenty more years of feeling like I shouldn't be a grown up to come.

I can cope with having a house, just about.

What I really find bonkers is when I'm supposed to either adult for other adults (sorting my grandparents' care home Dee assessments, dealing with a fraud they experienced) and at work when I realise that I'm allowed to do stuff that impacts hundreds of lives and that fucking it up would actually matter. I also feel ridiculous any time anyone lets me present at a board meeting because how can I possibly know enough to do that?!

Kind of. I agree and relate to lots of previous comments. Mid 40s.
I dress up and lark about with the kids in silly costumes. Dance and sing a lot. Run around the woods with them.
Dress like a (90s) student in baggy clothes and hoodies a lot of the time.
But this last year particularly I've felt extremely old. MIL passed away and I was the one who took her to hospital and talked her through things. Elderly friend had health scares. Younger colleagues, well not just younger to be fair, at work requiring a lot of emotional support over the lockdowns. DH suffering with mental health due to bereavement. Trying to keep all the balls in the air and stick a positive face on it all to keep everyone going.
When I'm in at work now, I drive in silence and mostly end up thinking I feel old and how the fuck am I managing all this shit.
So I guess it's a bit 50/50.

@PutItInNeutral I'm so sorry for your loss. Parents shouldn't outlive their children

PutItInNeutral so sorry

@georgarina

I do and I don't. I'll never be one of those super organised almost condescending mum-type figures - but I do run my house, kids, and job - and I feel like an adult in that way. I still listen to music I used to listen to, and have a dumb sense of humour with my friends. I guess I feel like an adult but not a certain kind of adult, if that makes sense.

Don't you think those super organised types might have dumb senses of humour with their friends? I bet it's fart jokes all the way. I can't help thinking this is just normal. This is how everyone feels. Welcome to life everyone.