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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I'm a grown up, but not a real one...

116 replies

PeapodBurgundy · 05/04/2021 22:21

I'm just sat wondering if I'm ever going to feel like an adult? I'm 32, I have a long term partner, two DC (with aforementioned partner), a mortgage and I've just gone back to work as a teacher after being a SAHP. I still like I'm blagging/faking my way through adulthood. I don't feel like a real grown up at all, so I'm starting to think I never will.

Does anyone feel like a "proper" adult?

OP posts:

Original poster

PeapodBurgundy · 06/04/2021 07:01

I'm the proud owner of a white eyebrow hair, but I shall eagerly await the arrival of adulthood/my first grey pube!

The two things which always shock me are realising thet Mams at the school who have more kids are younger than me (there's a Mam who's 25 with 4DC. I was shocked to find out how young she was. I have no idea why I assumed she was older than me. She doesn't look it, it's purely me forgetting how old I am)

The other is thinking I'm not much older than my students (I'm an FE/HE teacher), before realising most of them are literally half of my age! I think that stems from the fact that last time I was working, I wasn't much older than them. I took 7 years out, then went back to the same job at the same college, teaching primarily in the same room. I also wear the same clothes whoch have been stashed in the loft this whole time. It's as if I hit freeze, then just walked into my old life but 7 years older.

OP posts:

Girlintheframe · 06/04/2021 07:02

I'm not sure we every feel grown up.

I'm 48 and feel wiser, more experienced but don't feel 'mature' if that makes sense.

WellJuhnelle · 06/04/2021 07:05

I quite regularly feel like this - I’m almost 32 with a mortgage & children, but it always strikes me that I feel like I am a teenager who is babysitting, it is a strange feeling

lothermand · 06/04/2021 07:07

Almost 60, and feel very juvenile. I act silly (obviously not always) don't take much seriously, I grew up a little when my mum died, that's when I felt 'grown up'.

40metres · 06/04/2021 07:09

Aren't we all winging it?! I remember talking to someone junior at work at an after hours drinks thing once and he was saying something like he just feels like he's winging it and can't wait to get more experience so that feeling will go away. I broke his little heart by telling him i was also winging it (I'm c-suite) and while I've never asked any of my peers i can guarantee they are too. He looked both relieved and horrified

Justlovedogs · 06/04/2021 07:13

49 and regularly going on 16 here! I have a mortgage, a DH of nearly 30 years and two dogs (numbers 5 and 6 in all the ones we've had). I still get a thrill out of being able to make what I want for dinner, even if it's just a massive dessert! Not overkeen on all the 'proper' adulty stuff, though, like managing finances.

SimonJT · 06/04/2021 07:37

I’m a 33 year old Dad, with a mortgage and a professional job, if anything goes wrong I always seek out an adult or phone my Mum.

eaglejulesk · 06/04/2021 07:41

I'm 61 and don't feel like a grown-up! Inside I'm still 16 and have no plans to age any further.

KatherineJaneway · 06/04/2021 07:43

I'm 49 and feel the same.

Rainallnight · 06/04/2021 07:47

This feeling hit me most at my mother’s funeral last year. My dad had died 18 months previously so I had no parents left.

It was a very small, socially distanced funeral, right at the beginning of the pandemic and no one was quite sure where to sit, how it was going to go etc.

I realised everyone was looking to me for what to do, and I in turn was waiting for the grown ups to arrive. And then I realised I had no parents and I was the fucking grown up.

It absolutely floored me.

I’m 45.

LunaNorth · 06/04/2021 07:48

I’m so far from being a grown-up I don’t even know what ‘c-suite’ means.

someoneiou · 06/04/2021 07:51

I'm 33, married with DC. Definitely still feel (and act) like I'm in my early 20s!!

My friends and I still behave like buffoons on nights out but so do all the other 30-somethings I know!

dottiedodah · 06/04/2021 07:57

Well I am in my 50s and still like nanny mc phew dislike horror/gritty films and am a bit of a salad Dodger! Like mini eggs and smarties. Also drive regularly am a home owner and save regularly

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 06/04/2021 07:57

I'm the same OP. I'm 31, just had my third child. Have a full time job, self employed, long term partner who has 2 jobs. I do all the things a grown up does. I feel myself changing as I get older doing little things that my mum and dad did when I was younger like having a coffee in the morning and watching the news or cooking programs , getting excited that the sun is out so I can get a washing on the line, going to buy plants for the garden. Inside I feel about 17 and just want to go and party all the time, but my body can't handle that anymore 🤣

lothermand · 06/04/2021 07:58

@Rainallnight I posted exactly the same..once my parents went I felt like the umbilical cord had finally been severed!

lothermand · 06/04/2021 07:59

Oh I also eat lots of 'kiddie sweets'

namesnamesnamesnames · 06/04/2021 08:00

We all just act. We act a certain way in certain situations.

namesnamesnamesnames · 06/04/2021 08:04

@Rainallnight

This feeling hit me most at my mother’s funeral last year. My dad had died 18 months previously so I had no parents left.

It was a very small, socially distanced funeral, right at the beginning of the pandemic and no one was quite sure where to sit, how it was going to go etc.

I realised everyone was looking to me for what to do, and I in turn was waiting for the grown ups to arrive. And then I realised I had no parents and I was the fucking grown up.

It absolutely floored me.

I’m 45.

This sounds awful. 😥

lillg · 06/04/2021 08:10

I don't feel grown up. Still do things because they sound fun rather than for any adulty thinking. Even though I have a very senior job in financial services. I had a late miscarriage at Christmas and got the postmortem results back last week. The Chief Exec rang me to see how I was and check all was ok. He finished the conversation by saying...well that's all very grown up. I don't feel equipped to have such adult conversations.

PrincessTuna · 06/04/2021 08:11

Haha I'm the same. 44 and still amazed DC think I know what I'm doing. It's like we are all acting.

Also I've reached the stage at work where I'm one of the oldest and the team expect me to answer first in training etc. I'm sitting there thinking "I wish someone would speak, this is getting awkward." Then realise maybe I should and end up spouting bollocks.

I'd like to go camping but not sure I'm adult enough to put up and tent and use a gas stove...

Spudina · 06/04/2021 08:12

This is totally me. I’m 42. In my early 20s I used to regularly be left in charge of an 18 bedded ward. I used to think they should get a grown up to be in charge. I can’t say I’d feel different now. I think I thought I’d turn 18 and suddenly have all the answers. I’m still waiting.

PrincessTuna · 06/04/2021 08:12

Sorry @lillg my "haha" looks insensitive I hadnt seen your sad post

StealthPolarBear · 06/04/2021 08:20

How many people also post on the "aren't we middle aged, nice cup of tea instead of booze, say oof when we stand up" threads?
We're all a mass of contradictions!

StealthPolarBear · 06/04/2021 08:22

@eaglejulesk

I'm 61 and don't feel like a grown-up! Inside I'm still 16 and have no plans to age any further.

61°F is 16°C so they are the same number essentially. I'm sure there's an equivalent for ages :)

BeyondMyWits · 06/04/2021 08:22

No one on here will be a proper grown up. We are talking about intimate details of our lives on the Internet with strangers.... who could be nice strangers... or could be collecting tales for rag mags.

What do we tell our children to not do?

Nope I'm not a grown up, if I was I would not be a mumsnetter.

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