I'm a grown up, but not a real one...

[PeapodBurgundy]

I'm just sat wondering if I'm ever going to feel like an adult? I'm 32, I have a long term partner, two DC (with aforementioned partner), a mortgage and I've just gone back to work as a teacher after being a SAHP. I still like I'm blagging/faking my way through adulthood. I don't feel like a real grown up at all, so I'm starting to think I never will.

Does anyone feel like a "proper" adult?

@StealthPolarBear I can relate to the 'oof' thing, but I had a juvinile arthritis diagnosis at 16, so I've been creaky for years! haha.

You're right though, in some ways I do feel old (like the morning following one glass of white wine spritzer when I used to be able to sink a bottle without a bother).

Apparently I feel old but immature!

61°F is 16°C so they are the same number essentially. I'm sure there's an equivalent for ages

So I really am 16 - Hooray!!!! Thanks for that StealthPolarBear

I used to feel like this.

What changed it?

Having to seriously up my game to steer a solid ship for it family when my eldest became very ill last year.

Until that point, even raising two disabled kids and running a business I didn’t feel like a grown up.

It was only when real existential challenge arrived that I went through some kind of transformation.

I’m still the same person and haven’t suddenly become boring or got my hair cut into a neat bob or started wearing M&S clothes but I do very much feel like the adult in charge now.

I grew up some 20 years ago around 40, after 2 marriages and 2 children. I think the was a late development as I was a highly trained people pleaser before then. I know I’m grown up because:

I don’t expect myself to attain some higher stage of maturity in future (aka it’s all downhill from here)
I feel entitled to my opinions and stand my ground, including with relatives - nobody will do it for me
I take responsibility for my own actions and happiness
For once in my life I have boundaries!

I feel like that too OP. I'm stunned that I have a house, responsible job and am a mother - I am only pretending to be an adult! Without being too morbid I think I aged when DH was told he was dying. I think that is what made me feel more adult because I had someone to care for and make arrangements for - more so than the kids, there were two of us doing parenting and I looked to DH as the grown up! I genuinely can't believe I am in my 40s. I feel like a teenager.

I'm off work during all school holidays but dp has just gone back to work after the Easter break.
Despite being early 40s I felt a little panicked this morning wondering who would look after the kids.

I felt more like an adult when I was 20ish moving into my own place, buying toilet roll and such 😂 now that I have a child I'm definitely blagging it

I always smile when I see an ‘Adulting 101’ series by early twenties youtubers. The optimism is lovely. But nothing magic happens when you hit 30. Everyone is winging it, even if they don’t realise they’re winging it. That’s just life. You can be organised, secure job, be parenting but life isn’t linear and it certainly is full of curve balls. Being able to mostly navigate those is the closest to adult I think we get!

43. Live with DH and 2DC in house that we own. Have a full time job and caring responsibilities for an older family member. Still feel like I'm just a big sister organising everyone for Mother's Day or for my Dads birthday. Not like LIFE or something.

Frequently feel this, particularly anything house related. We bought an old one and the fear that each new (and frequent) problem causes me just makes me wish a proper adult would take it all over.

I'm exactly like this. I went house hunting recently and every house I looked at I thought "how would I know if this is a good house or not?". Everyone else seems to be working it out though.

Although I also have found that you might think you feel like a teenager, with the same attitudes, thoughts, etc, until you spend time with actual teenagers. Then you really realise how much your personality has changed.

I'm 32, been with husband for nearly 11 years, married for nearly 5, one DC. We moved recently into a nice big flat and getting it all painted and kitted out finally made me realise, woah I'm aduktung here!

It's a strange feeling...

Totally relate to that.
I'm 41, got a career and a mortgage and still feel like I'm "playing" adulthood.
I guess there's something good in that, because it also means acknowledging that I'm constantly on a learning curve, and will be until the day I die.

Nope, 50 next year and still waiting to be a proper grown up!

How many people also post on the "aren't we middle aged, nice cup of tea instead of booze, say oof when we stand up" threads?
We're all a mass of contradictions!

I am also like this at times, read a lot, creaky, don’t want to see anyone and enjoy just watching that canal programme on BBC4, but in my heart I see a zip line and have to do it. Can’t not. Same for dressing up, I just love it.

My grandad, at 78 abseiled down a building on the London southbank. I think some people just have a young heart that sometimes twinges at being old and then thinks NOPE!

How many people also post on the "aren't we middle aged, nice cup of tea instead of booze, say oof when we stand up" threads

Unfortunately no matter how young you feel mentally, your body fails to get that memo 😆