Kids away with grandparents... help??

[AH71]

I have a 13 month old and a 2 month old, and my parents are wanting to take them away this summer. They have asked if taking them away for a few days is ok, and all we asked was that they went over a weekend.
This is so that if either of the kids are not ok, poorly or otherwise, we can travel instantly to get there and be with them, whereas during the week due to work we will not be able to do this.
They are saying they can only go away during the week for 4 nights, meaning we couldn’t get to the kids if needed.
My parents think I’m being unfair and that I don’t trust them. I have tried to help them find another accommodation option so that they can still take the kids but work with our choices too but they are refusing and are willing to go without the kids rather than consider another option, then telling us the kids are missing out because of us.
I have explained that when they are older and can actually talk and tell us if anything is wrong, or they are not feeling well, they can take them further away for longer periods, it’s just peace of mind for us while neither can talk and communicate problems properly.
Am I right for having a say on when they can go? Especially with the kids being the ages they are and it being their first time away from us without being down the road?
Do I have a valid reason to want to be able to get there if we are needed?
Or are we being unreasonable?

Does studying only ever take place in a classroom?
Nobody claimed it did. Op specifically said it was to enable her to attend classes, though. Maybe she meant something different, who knows. You don't though...

@SpeedRunParent I don't think it's a generational thing at all. I have a baby and a pre-schooler and wouldn't expect people to have them overnight like this.

There's so many different points of view to this to consider - but ultimately of course it's your choice.

You don't want them away because you feel uneasy about not being able to get to them.

But from your parents point of view they've raised their own kids and feel they can deal with it and probably you don't trust them.

My mum had my ds for a night or 2 on holiday from when he was 2 ish. But she actually stopped when he got a bit older after a child she taught dies through drowning whilst on holiday with their grandparents. She said she couldn't deal with that if it happens and never wanted to put me or her in that position.

I think 6 months is young but I'd be ok with a 18 month old.

You say they have them for childcare. Is it a lot and often or are you still on maternity leave?
If still on maternity could you arrange something with them before this?

ThrowingAShellstrop sorry I just assumed it was online the way the OP explained it but no ofc it can also be in classrooms.

Not a chance I would want to be away from that small babies.

@SpeedRunParent

I have become aware that many of today's younger adults (and new parents) are much less independent than those of us over 40odd would have been at that age. I've often been caught out expecting basic self-sufficiency in conversations about new parents and been rounded on by the GP's / friends for expecting too much. This latest generation is different and it's sometimes hard to understand it from their point of view. Many of us clearly cannot understand why the OP and husband would need her parents to have such a young child to stay away overnight (my mum had five kids - single mum - did two part time jobs and completed a BEd Hons degree. No help. They made them tougher back then). It's a generational thing, perhaps that's why the parents feel so entitled, because they are taking a much greater role than our parents did with us.

Honestly? You really can’t see why it might be a tad more challenging to bring up children as a full time occupation now?

20+ years ago , both parents didn’t NEED to work full time. They do now to pay the mortgage and bills and keep food on the table.

20+ years ago women were not actively encourage them to be higher earners or obtain a good further education to do so. It’s not only an option now but a need so that they can keep up with the ever increasing inflation and not put them and their family blow it he rising poverty line.

If OPs didn’t want to support then they should’ve have offered. If you don’t want to support, don’t but don’t pretend it has anything to do with generations being softer.

Bully for your mum but I’d put money on the fact she didn’t have to work a job to feed you as well as study and bring the five of you up.

Either way, OPs parents are NOT the parents of their grandchildren and should be so entitled to believe that they can do what they like with them because they might look after them once in a while.

@SpeedRunParent I'm what most would consider a 'young parent' and would never expect parents to help out with overnights. I also don't know many people my age who would unless there were other circumstances requiring extra help.

Ahh sorry you've updated about being a full time student since I read and then posted (without refreshing!)

I'm assuming by then you'll be back to work as you mention being able to get there due to working hours and uni will be on summer recess.

They are far too young still. Two months old . Just no.

I can understand your dilemma - of course your parents can’t possibly be trusted to look after small children. They would have absolutely no experience, are completely stupid, and wouldn’t be able to recognise a sick or unhappy child if they were slapped in the face with a wet bib. And don’t forget, it would take them 6 times as long for them to drive the children back to you, than it would take for you to drive to them.......!
A lot of families would be thrilled that their parents were willing and able to give them a break by taking the little ones away for a few days, but if you aren’t one of them, fine.

On a lighter note @AH71 your parents have clearly forgotten what it’s like to look after a baby, let alone two! I have a nearly 4 year old and a 7mo and no way I would let them go away with my parents or in-laws for that amount of time, that distance and at that age. I would be happy for my eldest to stay with my sister for a good few days but they’re only 40 minutes away and I trust her implicitly.

Don’t get me wrong I could daydream about the pure bliss of the quiet but let’s be honest, you don’t want them to go and you need to think of a way to put that across that you feel comfortable with.

I am going against the grain here. I think it would be fine.

As long as you trust your parents, I don't see the problem. I'd personally be glad of the break. Just tell them to make sure they call if there's an issue.

YANBU. My folks didn't take DS away until he was almost 5, meaning old enough to understand he was going on holiday.

The first night there he still refused to get into bed - think only then he realised we weren't there to tuck him in etc. But he was ok after that, and old enough to tell them if he wasn't.

My brother also went with them and he and my DS are great pals.

But a 13 month old and a 2 month old? NO WAY.

If they're not prepared to do things your way, they don't get to take them. But tbh it sounds like you're not comfortable letting them go yet anyway.

Go with your gut - you know best x

I think they are being a bit pushy and treating you like a child. They need to accept that you are also parents now and need to make your own decisions.

Go with your gut instinct. If you’re not ready then don’t allow it.

There will be plenty of time for this sort of thing when the children are older and you’ll be more than ready for a break!

Way too young. At that age I would not have let mine go away with my parents and I trusted my mum (in particular) 110% in any way at all with their safety and welfare. Now, as a grandma, my daughter would not let me “take them away” at that age nor would I expect her to. There are many years ahead for grandkids and grandparents to go off on holidays and adventures. I get a bit fed up tbh, with grandparents telling their kids they’re being selfish with grandkids.

Just watched the government briefing but it’s not clear if we can travel from England into Wales from 12th April for a holiday in self contained accommodation. Does anyone know?

Your baby will still be around 6 months,. Certainly less than a year, possibly breastfeeding. I think your parents are bonkers. Mine would do this yet and my kids are 5 and 9. Firm no. If they are sensible they will understand.

You were pregnant 8 weeks after giving birth? Yikes.

@ThrowingAShellstrop 20 years ago was 2001! Hardly the 1970s. Even then, both my parents worked to pay the mortgage.

Mine wouldn't be going so young, it would have been an absolute no from me.
No overnights until much older.

If your mother wants to play with dolls, I believe it's possible to buy some that are very realistic.

It’s a very generous offer!! I do think that your parents would actually find it exhausting looking after two babies for a few nights! What age are your parents?

As with all grandparent dilemmas you need to stick to your guns. It will only get worse as the children get older.

Sorry, I’m new to MN and have posted this in the wrong place....don’t know how to delete. Sorry!!

I do think it is creating a very tricky situation to have a baby with no maternity leave planned in whatsoever, and since you've been relying on parents I can see why they think taking them for longer is not a big deal.