Kids away with grandparents... help??

[AH71]

I have a 13 month old and a 2 month old, and my parents are wanting to take them away this summer. They have asked if taking them away for a few days is ok, and all we asked was that they went over a weekend.
This is so that if either of the kids are not ok, poorly or otherwise, we can travel instantly to get there and be with them, whereas during the week due to work we will not be able to do this.
They are saying they can only go away during the week for 4 nights, meaning we couldn’t get to the kids if needed.
My parents think I’m being unfair and that I don’t trust them. I have tried to help them find another accommodation option so that they can still take the kids but work with our choices too but they are refusing and are willing to go without the kids rather than consider another option, then telling us the kids are missing out because of us.
I have explained that when they are older and can actually talk and tell us if anything is wrong, or they are not feeling well, they can take them further away for longer periods, it’s just peace of mind for us while neither can talk and communicate problems properly.
Am I right for having a say on when they can go? Especially with the kids being the ages they are and it being their first time away from us without being down the road?
Do I have a valid reason to want to be able to get there if we are needed?
Or are we being unreasonable?

I think you have been perfectly reasonable. The children are still very young and you are naturally more protective.

The implication that you are somehow spoiling the children's fun is, in my opinion, not very nice. As someone else said, the children are very young and are unlikely to miss this opportunity or remember it. Indeed, it might be rather unsettling for them over an extended period of time.

Your parents are unwilling to compromise so it is they who are being difficult. Their priority appears to be going where they want to go so let them do that, but without your children.

Blows my mind that they can argue with you about this. It's your kids and your decision/preference that's the final word - end of.

Have you ever spent a night without them? I would never have let anyone have my kids overnight when they were this young. Are you happy for them to go even if you can get to them? Why do your parents want to have them this young? It just seems very strange to me.

Honestly don’t get the big deal about you being an hour or two or three away- if it’s a true emergency they would call an ambulance or go to a&e. If it’s not an emergency then an upset child wouldn’t be fun to handle for 1-2 hours but it’s really not going to kill anyone and the kiddos won’t even remember and REALLY wouldn’t be tramautised. However, if you’re just not ready, that is 100% ok and you can just say, I’m not ready, I don’t need a reason, I’m just not.

We don’t know anyone who’s parents have taken away such young grandchildren. It’s them lovey, not you.

@Happyhappyday

Honestly don’t get the big deal about you being an hour or two or three away- if it’s a true emergency they would call an ambulance or go to a&e. If it’s not an emergency then an upset child wouldn’t be fun to handle for 1-2 hours but it’s really not going to kill anyone and the kiddos won’t even remember and REALLY wouldn’t be tramautised. However, if you’re just not ready, that is 100% ok and you can just say, I’m not ready, I don’t need a reason, I’m just not.

I don't think you understand the level of anxiety that comes with knowing your child is ill and not being able to get to them for up to 3 hours. It's why parents drop everything at work it they are told their Child is ill:

Anyway OP. Your parents ABVVU

Very young to spend night away from parents. I'd say no full stop.

I definitely wouldn't be comfortable with letting my kids go away when they were that age. I think you should stick to your guns. It is unreasonable for your parents to expect a baby of that age to be away from its mother.

Stand your ground. I feel for you, its a horrible position to be in but they can't guilt you into taking them away when you're not happy with it. I wouldn't like it but I would be more than prepared to fall out with anyone that wasn't prepared to do what I ask with regards to my own kids. My youngest is 5 just turned and has only slept over at both grandparents 2 nights each on separate occasions. They wouldn't dream of asking for anything else as they know I would say no. I trust them completely I just really struggle leaving my kids if I feel they may need me. None of them liked it but they respected it.

This is not right. You should be with them.

They are far too young to be going on a holiday with them, they need their mammy and daddy at that age, but the gesture is lovely of them to give you a wee break.
Cut them a bit of slack and suggest maybe next year for a weekend when the weather is nice x

For what’s it’s worth...

Yes the children are young, and unlikely to remember the joy they will hopefully experience by staying with your parents, who have raised you. If you feel that they can’t adequately care for your children for a few days then do t do it. But gee whiz.. hopefully the kids will have a lovely time with their grandparents and visa versa.

I’m a grandmother. We love all our grandchildren to bits and help with regular childcare for all of them, overnight if necessary. Once they’re old enough - say over 2 - we’ll gladly have a couple of them at a time at ours for occasional sleepovers and we all have fun. Then we wave goodbye and collapse for a couple of hours.

I really don’t understand why your parents are so desperate to look after and be responsible for such tiny people for days at a time, so far from their parents. And why do they take over like this? These are your children, your wishes should be respected. With absolutely no quibbling.

Totally reasonable on your part. Its very nerve wracking for you and a great honor for your parents that you trust them enough even to consider it.

Their attitude would bother me because it suggests they might want to look after the children "their way" rather than yours. So maybe the fact that they are not willing to bend, is a blessing in disguise.

I would never have agreed to several days away at that age. If your parents are trying to guilt-trip you with all that stuff about the children missing out, just point out that they really aren't missing out on anything as they won't remember any of it. So if they bring out the threat of going without the children, just say cheerfully "Fine, that's agreed then, we'll make it next year sometime".

My grandson is 20 months old. DH and I are besotted with him, but I wouldn't want to take him away to an unfamiliar place, because when he is unsure it's his Mum or Dad he wants.

Your parents are being unreasonable and I say that as a Grandmother who can't see enough of my grandson. As a parent I wouldn't have even considered this for another couple of years.

Stand your ground OP. You are completely in the right.

Your instincts are telling you it's not right for your children. So say you've changed your mind, nobody knows your little ones as well as you. You can say you don't want to be apart from them. Perhaps when they're a little older, or all have a short break together in the summer.

Weekday or weekend no way would I be sending a 4 month old away from their parents for 4 days for a holiday.

YANBU it's a big jump to go from them looking after your young children at their home to going much further away. They may be unsettled in the holiday place and you won't be nearby to deal with emergencies.

@AH71. They are your kids, simple as that. What you want for your children comes before what grandparents want. Why don’t you all go somewhere together when it’s possible.

They are too young

No, I wouldn't have let my two very young children go away at those very young ages.

My son was 3 the first time I let my mum take him away with my Nan without me and even that was hard and they where an hour away from me and my mum lived with me at the time so was extremely close to my ds. I wonder if because they look after them one night a week for work they feel like they have rights over dc you are being very accepting as it is I only knew maybe one family ever where they’d be ok with this they really need to respect the fact that what the parents say go. Also 2 baby’s really don’t get much from going away so don’t feel bad If they don’t go at all.

In my opinion they shouldn't be away from you regularly overnight before the age of 1. A night every week from 2 weeks old is completely wrong. Just to facilitate a university course, which you could have deferred for a year. You are acting very young and irresponsible, having 2 children by accident, and expecting to carry on your life exactly as before without making any changes to care for your children and expecting your parents to pick up the slack, free of charge presumably. Especially when you have a partner - it's not as though you are managing alone. Lucky the parents don't seem to mind but you can't have it both ways - either you are the parent, look after your own children and make the decisions, or you ask your parents to act as your children's parents too and accept that they are going to want to do things their way. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but you are being rather inconsistent.