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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids away with grandparents... help??

577 replies

AH71 · 05/04/2021 16:48

I have a 13 month old and a 2 month old, and my parents are wanting to take them away this summer. They have asked if taking them away for a few days is ok, and all we asked was that they went over a weekend.
This is so that if either of the kids are not ok, poorly or otherwise, we can travel instantly to get there and be with them, whereas during the week due to work we will not be able to do this.
They are saying they can only go away during the week for 4 nights, meaning we couldn’t get to the kids if needed.
My parents think I’m being unfair and that I don’t trust them. I have tried to help them find another accommodation option so that they can still take the kids but work with our choices too but they are refusing and are willing to go without the kids rather than consider another option, then telling us the kids are missing out because of us.
I have explained that when they are older and can actually talk and tell us if anything is wrong, or they are not feeling well, they can take them further away for longer periods, it’s just peace of mind for us while neither can talk and communicate problems properly.
Am I right for having a say on when they can go? Especially with the kids being the ages they are and it being their first time away from us without being down the road?
Do I have a valid reason to want to be able to get there if we are needed?
Or are we being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Mum2b43 · 06/04/2021 17:51

Not a chance. My youngest is 6 and I still don’t want them to stay overnight with anyone but my or DH.
Not until they are 10 at least. Then again my parents and ILs are very unreliable. My parents get frustrated easily and my ILs don’t believe in saying no to children... you want to eat chocolate for dinner? Sure. Want to stay up until midnight? Sure. Want to jump off the 10ft cliff? Sure.

Dontwanttolivewithmylover · 06/04/2021 17:52

Their remark about your children 'missing out' is laughable. They'll be 17months and 6 months. Not an age to appreciate a holiday.

StopAtTheRedLight · 06/04/2021 17:52

Really bizarre. A two month old is too young to be away from parents. Period. And in a public place (hotel?) no way. Thirteen month is a handful. No sane person would offer. Frankly it makes me think horrible thoughts re their motives. It just isn’t normal. Yes, if they are babysitting because of work or at your request but taking them away? My antennae are really up.....

Callingallskeletons · 06/04/2021 17:53

No chance I would allow my DC to go away with anyone but me & DH at that age, anything under 2.5/3 would be a no for me (and my DC were very early talkers)

JustLyra · 06/04/2021 17:54

@helpIhateclothesshopping

You could suggest they have them overnight at home first ot babysit at yours overnight.
Did you even bother to read the OP’s post?
BigSandyBalls2015 · 06/04/2021 17:55

@Mum2b43 so no sleepovers with friends or school/cub/brownie holidays until 10?

Alsohuman · 06/04/2021 17:57

@Mum2b43

Not a chance. My youngest is 6 and I still don’t want them to stay overnight with anyone but my or DH. Not until they are 10 at least. Then again my parents and ILs are very unreliable. My parents get frustrated easily and my ILs don’t believe in saying no to children... you want to eat chocolate for dinner? Sure. Want to stay up until midnight? Sure. Want to jump off the 10ft cliff? Sure.
That’s bonkers. What a miserable childhood for them.
daisypond · 06/04/2021 18:03

@helpIhateclothesshopping

You could suggest they have them overnight at home first ot babysit at yours overnight.
They already do that twice a week.
GreyhoundG1rl · 06/04/2021 18:05

That’s bonkers. What a miserable childhood for them.
What rot 😂
While I don't subscribe to no sleepovers for under 10's if the child concerned wants them myself, I'm sure the lack of wouldn't have any impact on their childhood whatsoever.

melonhead · 06/04/2021 18:09

There is no way I would even consider this. The fact that your parents are being inflexible means I would never let them take the children without me. But then no grandparents have ever had my children (or even offered) so I have no idea how any of this works.

blackrimmedspecs · 06/04/2021 18:13

1 night at the age would be plenty, your parents are being totally unreasonable, agree with you, when they are older.

Lucyk1 · 06/04/2021 18:14

Are you insane?! Your kids are only 13 months and 2 months old. There's no way my kids would be left to anyone, even my parents at a young age. They are too young.
Hardly going to be a fun holiday anyway for them with kids that young. 8 think your parents are being unreasonable... Why can they only take them during the week? Just tell them no they can't have them.

Alsohuman · 06/04/2021 18:15

@GreyhoundG1rl

That’s bonkers. What a miserable childhood for them. What rot 😂 While I don't subscribe to no sleepovers for under 10's if the child concerned wants them myself, I'm sure the lack of wouldn't have any impact on their childhood whatsoever.
My childhood would have been considerably poorer without staying with my granny. Those times are some of my most cherished memories.
wingsanddreams · 06/04/2021 18:19

Your parents are being unreasonable. Your kids are so young, they shouldn't be away from parents for more than a few hours. I only ever let my parents babysit for a few hours, for less than five occasions in the past ten years. I do not trust anyone else to look after my kids other than myself and hubby.

jenkel · 06/04/2021 18:19

We went away and left my 2 dds with my parents for 4 days, but to be honest they were a little older, say 2 and 4, and they didn’t go away anywhere, stayed in my parents house, which is a house my dds were familiar with. Taking small children away is stressful enough for parents let alone grandparents. Why don’t you suggest that they have them to stay in their house for a few days without you around as a test to see how they get on first. It was actually great for all of us, a lovely break for us, grandparents loved it and kids were spoilt. But as I said, they were a little older and they didn’t go away. Sadly my parents shortly after that had a few health issues and I don’t think now they would be confident to take them away, but I would have no hesitation if it wasn’t for that.

So just be aware that we can’t take it for granted that grandparents will be around for ever, and it is a fantastic bonding experience. But I do think that probably in your case they are just a little too young to be taken properly away.

numberoneson · 06/04/2021 18:20

AH71 I'm not sure if I'm imagining this or not, but the more I read your responses, the more I get the strange notion that you don't actually want to be supported in your stated preference of only letting your parents have them at the weekend. If you're actually hoping people will tell you you're being unreasonable and 4 days will be fine, I think that must be because you are scared to stick to your guns and risk falling out with your parents over this. The children are too young to have any notion of missing out: you feel unhappy with a 4 day separation - the obvious answer is pull on your big girl panties and tell your parents straight out that the more you've considered it, the more certain you are that it's the 2 days or nothing. Give in now to their frankly insensitive and selfish demands, and believe me you'll be making a rod for your own back.

Penistoe · 06/04/2021 18:20

A 13 month old and 2 month old missing out?? They don’t get anything out of a holiday at that age. Nothing at all. In fact only negatives as the unfamiliar space will be stressful.

supersop60 · 06/04/2021 18:20

Too young.
Do the grandparents babysit? at yours? at theirs?

Riolou3 · 06/04/2021 18:22

Not a chance for me, kids are too young. Sorry 😞

wasthataburp · 06/04/2021 18:22

If you trust your parents i would let them. If something that bad happened you would drop work and go anyway

Nohomemadecandles · 06/04/2021 18:23

@wingsanddreams

Your parents are being unreasonable. Your kids are so young, they shouldn't be away from parents for more than a few hours. I only ever let my parents babysit for a few hours, for less than five occasions in the past ten years. I do not trust anyone else to look after my kids other than myself and hubby.
That's quite extreme. Your choice but extreme!
Nearly47 · 06/04/2021 18:23

I wouldn't let them go either unless I went too.
Babies need mum. And mum needs babies. Would not even consider.

MontanaDuke · 06/04/2021 18:25

You’re kids are too young to be doing this I certainly wouldn’t be very happy or comfortable with the situation I’d be a nervous wreck . Just tell them wait till they’re a bit older to enjoy the experience more x

LalalalalalaLand123 · 06/04/2021 18:28

This whole scenario would get a massive NO from me! The DC are way way too young, to me.

Especially when you express your concerns/wishes and your parents shoot them down. Terrible behaviour from your parents OP. They are overstepping boundaries big time.

Troublewithtribbles · 06/04/2021 18:30

Wowza! So young for all of that. Kids that age can be tremendously hard work and really unpredictable. You have to be comfortable with any arrangements with and for your kids first and foremost. Plan Bs and early rescue options, surely just practical and pragmatic. So not unreasonable at all. I think the grandparents run the risk of biting of more than they can chew in this situation! Good luck with whatever you decide.