Kids away with grandparents... help??

[AH71]

I have a 13 month old and a 2 month old, and my parents are wanting to take them away this summer. They have asked if taking them away for a few days is ok, and all we asked was that they went over a weekend.
This is so that if either of the kids are not ok, poorly or otherwise, we can travel instantly to get there and be with them, whereas during the week due to work we will not be able to do this.
They are saying they can only go away during the week for 4 nights, meaning we couldn’t get to the kids if needed.
My parents think I’m being unfair and that I don’t trust them. I have tried to help them find another accommodation option so that they can still take the kids but work with our choices too but they are refusing and are willing to go without the kids rather than consider another option, then telling us the kids are missing out because of us.
I have explained that when they are older and can actually talk and tell us if anything is wrong, or they are not feeling well, they can take them further away for longer periods, it’s just peace of mind for us while neither can talk and communicate problems properly.
Am I right for having a say on when they can go? Especially with the kids being the ages they are and it being their first time away from us without being down the road?
Do I have a valid reason to want to be able to get there if we are needed?
Or are we being unreasonable?

I don't understand why you send your two very young DC away overnight at least once every single week (one is still considered a newborn) when you said your partner is working full time. If you have an evening class, then why can't your partner mind his DC while you are studying / attending your evening class / doing your assignment after? Presumably full time means normal hours like 9-5 type scenario. So why are your parents even involved this much?

I really think that your mother is treating you like a child, probably because you've blurred the lines so much with her taking your babies overnight every week. You're allowing them input into parenting decisions. There doesn't need to be an argument about them taking your DC on holiday. It's as simple as yes/no and if the yes requires conditions eg weekend only then they need to accept that or else they don't get to take the DC. They are trying to bully you into taking your DC on holiday. I would tell them now that it is not happening. Their attitude is not acceptable. They are not entitled to your DC. And yes, you are still very young at 23 so you need to start exerting your authority and stand up for yourself.

I would never have done this. Way too young.

You are not unreasonable—they are your kids and they are really young to be going away for that long without you. If your parents object to their (well intended) offer being politely declined then that really has to be their problem.

the children are far too young to go away without either of their parents

Given their age YANBU, way to young to be away from you of you are not comfortable with it. I couldn’t have been away from any of mine in their first year for that amount of time.

Fuck that... they're far too young

I would let them stay with them at home but not take them away. I think your parents have underestimated what they are taking on

Um no..

YANBU it’s your decision.

Saying that I have zero childcare options other than nursery and 4 days sounds like bliss!

Surely they can leave it a little longer or do when it can be over a weekend?

I don’t think I could put my kids down until they were about 1 !
Seriously your kids your decision if they don’t respect that then that’s deeply unhealthy.

Too young, I think and they won't remember the trip anyway

You are not being unreasonable. It’s your parents who are being unreasonable here!! They’re your kids not theirs! At 13 months and 2 months i doubt they would be missing out on much as well! Personally i commend you for all the effort you’re putting in to find alternative ways for it to happen, but if your parents can’t agree to it then I would be saying “bon voyage” to them and telling them to enjoy themselves.

YANBU. Not even a little bit.

Mine didn't stay away for more than one night together until they were 9 years old and 6 years old respectively. There's no guarantee even that they would be able to go away anywhere given current covid situation.

Are your parents aware of how difficult it is to manage a toddler and a baby for more than a day or two that are out of their routine/home/away from their parents? It seems great fun at the time, but in practice it's exhausting.

I would be sticking to my guns on this one.

4 nights with 2 babies isn't my idea of a holiday! Sounds like a short break in purgatory!

If you're not comfortable, stand your ground. And ignore the sanctimonious judgy pants on here bleating about attachment. They're your children and you do what's right for your own family.

YANBU at all! Your kids are only little and of course you want to be able to get to them if there is a probably - i can't think of a parent that wouldn't.

I completely agree with the comments that your parents are being unreasonable and completely unfair. How they can't see this from your POV is beyond, but i think you should stick to what you have said.

If your parents don't like it, that's really just too bad. You are the parent and this is 100% your decision and choice. Even if the kids were 12 it would still be your decision as you are the parent!

Personally I would say no to either set of grandparents but neither grandparents would ask us this, especially at such a young age. Even if your kids were teenagers and you didn't feel comfortable the bottom line is your not comfortable and it's your children.
You are NOT being unreasonable.

Remember, if anything went wrong (and it might not be the direct fault of the grandparents) you would never get over it.
These things have happened, we've read about it on the news.
Sorry to be a pessimist but as a mum of 5 and GGP of 13 and GGGP of 3 tinies, I certainly wouldn't risk it nor would I ever ask to take tinies of that age away.
I think their attitude if you don't agree to their offer, stinks TBH.
My answer would be, thank you but NO.
When they are older and as you say, able to articulate their feelings, yes, with reservations. This summer? NO.

I think this is too much too soon. Unless the older one sees the grandparents a lot, like if they provide care at least weekly, even a 15 month old is likely to be stressed by being away from you for a few days. And as for the baby - forget it. Way too young for a few days away from you.

I would just say "I don't think my invisible umbilical cord is stretchy enough for this yet. Let's wait until the children are older."

I was not comfortable leaving my kids until they were old enough to understand exactly how long it was for. My rule was that I could handle one night away for every year of the youngest child's age. So when the smallest was one, I could handle one night, when he was two, two nights. That's it. My mother could not be more wonderful, loving, sensible and trustworthy, and my kids were used to baby sitters. But even so, that was all I could do. And that was without a pandemic.

As A grandparent there’s no way I take them at that age. I think they need their parents when so young.

They would be to young for me to go away tbh.

Of course you have a say, they're your children. Is there a reason they don't want you to come etc?

I think they are being quite unreasonable and have forgotten what having small children is like. It's unlikely to be any kind of holiday for them or the kids at that age and they may well find it very stressful. At that age neither of my kids were sleeping through the night and the youngest was still breastfeeding regularly, it wouldn't really have been practical. Do they live near you? Have they ever had them overnight before? My parents found looking after small children infinitely more exhausting than they remembered. Tell them there is plenty of time for holidays when they are older. Plus, with Covid, is it even really a safe option. For those saying if the kids were I'll at nursery you'd have to pick them up, there's a bit of a difference between picking your kids up from nursery (generally close to home- usually less than an hour) and picking up from a holiday destination which may be several hours drive from you.

Your children your decision. Personally for me they’d be too young to leave overnight let alone a weekend/holiday. As long as the grandparents can go on holiday when they want for how long they want and are not constrained from looking after your children they are being very unreasonable. They may have a point if by providing you childcare they are being restricted with holiday dates,length where to go etc.

If your kids were where you lived and needed you then you would leave work and get to them. The fact it’s a weekday makes no difference.

You’re wanting a child free weekend. Just be honest about it. Nothing wrong with it. But, I’d let them go - and enjoy the childfree evenings and not needing to tidy the house every 5 minutes after worm

You could suggest they have them overnight at home first ot babysit at yours overnight.