to be seething over dh rocking home wasted at 4 am ...

[lacarte]

again, having told me he was coming home at 9pm? I feel like I have not only two under threes (one just 5 months) but a teenager as well. Lay awake worrying until he got home. Then dd woke up at 5.30am. Total of 1.5hrs (not even) sleep. Far from the first time. No idea how to make him understand that sorry doesn't really make up for it. Should I relax about it or am I within my rights to be really, really fed up? Am having serious sulk.

couldn't be doing with this. sorry.

"far from the first time"

he needs a kick up the arse

Can you do it back to him? Go out for a 'few hours' and roll up at 4am? Maybe he's realise then, when he's got a screaming 5 month old and the other one waking up early. I would.

bf so no can't go out for long periods - and she won't take a bottle in any form so no use expressing either. I was dying to leave her with him once she was fed and fine this morning but knew he wouldn't be physically capable of dealing with her so it would be unfair on dd.

i too would of been annoyed my dp used to do things like this although not on a regular basis and now when i know he is off i arrange to go out with my friends it makes it less resentful towards them they do it as they know tyou are at home and dont need to worry i dont think they mean to be disrespectful

but now i make sure i go out maybe not for same period of time but i'll go at 5 and come back 11-12 and it has worked wonders i kn ow longer mind him going out and expect he'll be late and just make sure i let my hair down when i can

Once a year I would be jealous. More than once I would leave him with DC's the next morning and go shopping.

i would be really pissed of, not only for rolling in at that time in the morning but for also spending most of today in his bed (if i am right and he will do this) when a saturday is supposed to be about family time and giving the mum a long lie (if you situation is like mine and you get up early with the children all week)

i probably wouldn't mind as much if i could do the same (although not letting me know what's going on sucks) but with the bf situation i really can't go for a night out yet. he's not out all the time but has done this quite a few times since our ds was born (he's 2.5) and more than once since dd arrived. feeling tired and emotional and hate being turned into a nagging wife too.

So store it up until dd is no longer bf - and then do it. See how he likes it.

My DP did the same thing last night, except he got in at 7am, having slept on a bench, lost his phone and missed his lift back home. It's always when he goes out with his work mates, he just can't stop drinking. Last time I went with him and he got kind of violent towards me. Nothing serious but he didn't even remember the next morning.

Imean surely it's notnormal to get so trashed you pass out on a bench? Esp when your 27 years old.

Sorry for hijack, just needed to vent.

he never got into bed - i made him sleep on the sofa (see - what am i becoming?!) we co-sleep half the time so drunk dad less than ideal. so he's up today but in fairly useless state.

naturalblonde - dh can't stop when he starts either, I feel just the same but dh is 35. surely too old. have done my own share of falling out of taxis but not since DCs

(the violence bit is out of order btw).

what is it about men not being able to have a few and then come home.

Dh goes to pool night every tuesday and goes out at 5pm and is very very rarely in before midnight. THen when he does come in he is wasted and apart from taking the kids to school does NOTHING all day. I've told him I think he is taking the piss and he denies it and says that I should be thankful at him coming in at that time because all the others are still in the pub at 5am, he can't seem to get it into his thick skull that they don't have kids, we do can you tell it's a bone of contention with me at the minute?

lock the door at 9.30 or a few minutes after he is late. A night on the street won't kill him ... might even teach him a lesson.

Tell him to fuck off.
Sorry, I know it's harsh but I can't stand this behaviour!
There's another thread on the same situation here
If we did it, we'd be the worst mothers in the world.
My DP goes out about once every two months, and is home by around midnight, because he isn't young, free and single anymore so doesn't behave like he is, if he did, I'd go bezerk, just as he would if I did.

I like Lewis's idea

Am I evil?

Lock the door an hour after he's supposed to be home and leave him

If he screams and bangs on the door then ignore it

Let the neighbours call the police

pig

Thing is morningpaper, it becomes a good excuse to stay out even later and go to a friends house.
I tried the 'lock em out' idea with exdp, in fact it made him worse, he only crawled in at around 4am cos he thought it was a bit late not to, once he knew the door would be locked he'd turn up at 7am, because he 'knew the door would be locked'!

Well after a couple of sessions I would make the door permanently locked

Don't understand why you accept that sort of behaviour really

oh I see it is exdp so you didn't

No, hence my answer of 'tell him to fuck off' earlier

lacarte my dh is very similar he probably now goes out 5-6 times a year on 'boys' or 'work' night out and he'll say i'll be home at 2/3am and he wont come home, be to drunk to text etc. In fact these days I tend to ask him to stay at a mates house because then I go to bed and sleep without keeping waking wondering if he is home or not and then get up in mornings with the dds and pick him up around 11am from mates house. The deal is when he gets home he showers and then stays awake as he would have had 7-8hours sleep 3am to 11am.

I remember last december being 8months pg and having 2.3yr dd1 at home and him ringing so drunk he didnt know where anyone was etc so at 2.30am I had to put dd1 in car and get him to stay where he was (got him to describe where he was it wasnt hard to work out the taxi rank!) and picked him up angry didnt describe my mood.

I think he still thinks he is 19/20 and can handle his drink the way he used to (hes 33 now) but he cant he is pissed after 6/7 pints and talks such utter crap and bulls**t. He used to go out once a month but since having the dd's its more if tehre is an occasion such as mates birthday or christmas do (he's is on 1st dec an we are just having the convo about if he is coming home at reasonable hour or going to mates house so he can get trashed) I have spent many a night with no sleep and then wondering where the hell he was so this situation works better.

You have my utmost sympathy as been there and had te 'i'm sorry' convo the next morning but that doesnt seem to sink in does it?

There was another thread like this a few weeks back, so apologies for repeating my advice. Say to your dh, "Please give me a few days notice when you want to do this again. The bloke down the street was asking for a convenient evening to come round and shag me senseless".

Look, DH does this once in a while and I used to get pissed off but now I really don't care.
He's a grown man, he can look after himself. I get to go out when I want to. He is a good father, he treats me well, he works hard ... what's wrong with a bender now and again? It is his hangover, not mine.
If he did it regularly I wouldn't take it but he does it maybe 2x or 3x a year ... I encourage him to stay the night at someone's house so he doesn't crash about when he comes in.

maybe I'm being a little "thick" here.....but how does locking the door help? Doesn't he have his own key???

I'm still waiting for DH to call me "at breakfast time" (I think he must have meant his breakfast time LOL) as he was out in Shrewsbury last night at a wedding reception and he was going to call to let me know roughly what time he would be home.