to be seething over dh rocking home wasted at 4 am ...

[lacarte]

again, having told me he was coming home at 9pm? I feel like I have not only two under threes (one just 5 months) but a teenager as well. Lay awake worrying until he got home. Then dd woke up at 5.30am. Total of 1.5hrs (not even) sleep. Far from the first time. No idea how to make him understand that sorry doesn't really make up for it. Should I relax about it or am I within my rights to be really, really fed up? Am having serious sulk.

My ex husband used to do this on a regular basis. I had once arranged to go to a school reunion which involved a domestic flight and an overnight stay away from my 9 month old baby. He rolled home roaring drunk at 5am. I was supposed to leave to get my flight at 6am. There was no way I could have left our baby with him. So I had to phone and cancel - I lied and said my baby was ill. He did this sort of thing regularly. At one point we were quite poor because he was out of work for a year or two and we were living on dwindling savings. He still found the money to go and get drunk. when he did so I used to relieve his pockets of all notes whilst he was comatose (once it was £100) and then ask him the following day how much he spent - the answer was always £20. No matter how much I had relieved him of. This sort of behaviour carried on for years and years. One day I just woke up and thought - no more. I have a lovely family life now.

Yes MMJ, on a bench like a tramp. I'm so mad at him. It's like having a baby hasn't altered anything inhis life and mine has been turned upside down. I mean, I still go out once or twice a month but would never get that trashed, what if something happened to DD? Haven't really spoken to him since, although he did sleep all day yesterday so probably not noticed. Think he's feeling guilty though as he's made me lunch and offered to get up with the baby this morning.

the argument is still going on round here ... low level now. dh is a great dad etc and generally very lovely but when it comes to booze he becomes utterly selfish. maybe if we didn't have such little ones it wouldn't be so bad. And once a year I'd be ok with ... And it's not the going out thing (although I am jealous, NB, that you get to go out once or twice a month!) because eventually I'll be able to, it's the getting unbelievably drunk bit that bothers me. he has a 1.5 hour train trip home so needless to say when he's that drunk he invariably falls asleep and misses the station, sometimes several times in a night so he goes up and down the line and basically gets more sleep than me even though it's on a series of trains.

lacarte, I could have written your message, except dd is now 11 months, and we still plod on, he does it once or twice a month, I get cross, he says it won't happen again, it does...

I have tried explaining in every possible way why not knowing where he is or when he is coming home is a problem, but it doesn't sink in. I have also asked him to decide in advance to stay elsewhere, so I don't have to worry.

I guess that, the rest of the time he is very hard working, prepared to help with the housework, getting better at being involved with the baby, supportive of me and how I feel and what I do. And given that, I guess I will live with it.

there seems to be a few threads about this lately. I wouldn't put up with it myself.

My dh goes to a pool match every tues night. He goes out at 5pm and very rarely comes in before midnight and is always trashed. He says that I should be thankful of him coming in at that time because the others stay out until 5am (he can't seem to get it into his head that they don't have kids and we have 2)

God, I couldn't put with that sort of behaviour. Dh annoys the hell out of me at times but this thread has made me just grab him and give him a big kiss and cuddle.....to think of what some people have to put up with, I now feel very lucky!! Dh is 15 yrs older than me and past all that but tbh, he says he was always more a home person anyway. I was the mad clubbing one who used to get pi*sed whenever I could - then I had ds!! I think I go out with the girls and get drunk about twice a year, maybe 3 times at a push. We don't have the money these days and anyway, others have families and aren't into it anymore. I sometimes think dh can be boring but I'd much rather that than be wondering where he is and who he was with - I'm afraid if he didn't turn up til 7/9am the next day I would be wondering exactly what he's been up to. When I come back on those 'odd' occasions, it's usually by 3am i.e. clubs have closed and queued for taxi and come home.

Bloody hell I am so grateful for the bloke I have got, and I have on more than one occasion whinged about him. He doesn't go out much and when he does comes home at a reasonable hour.

Some of you girls need to put your foot down a bit.

I would have though my dh would be past it, he is 12 years older than me at 46, I can't decided whether he is having a middle aged crisis or whether he is just a twat.

Prob both plinkyplonk - sorry!

No need to apologise, I've been thinking it for a while, christmas is looming and he is worse, the annual 25yr work do is coming up (no partners)and last year I told him not to come home, he woke his sister, made her bring him home and kept ringing me till I let him in god I'm such a muppet.

I think I may have to start putting a time limit on his pool nights, he ALWAYS wakes me and I am at work the next day. I can't settle till he is in and asleep as he has twice nearly burnt the kitchen down when he lived at home and tries to do bacon sarnies when he's pissed.

plinky - have you considered finding yourself a toyboy? .

I am curious to know why a 46 yo man still wants to hit the town when town is full of 18 yo's?

i wouldn't mind as long as he got in touch to say he would be late.

I can't believe how many women put up with this shit. You lot would be better off ALONE!

Can't understand plinkyplonks bloke staying out all hours and he is 46 . Has he always been like this plinky????????

Plinky - my dh is also 46 but his mid-life crisis was buying his motorbike! I just can't imagine him going out and getting wrecked like that. Sorry you're having to put up with that though, I couldn't personally and would show him the door (but that's me!)

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I feel sorry for plinky - she seems really nice too. You deserve better plinky.

cod - have you read the whole thread? Don't you think things like trying to cook when totally out of it is a tad bit dangerous, worse with kids in the house!! Sorry, no way, I would NOT put up with that sort of behaviour!!

icod - 46 is a bit too old to be hitting the town don't ya think tho?

no .... i think everyone should be able to let their hair down once in a while. i would say as long as he lets you know that he will be out late and you go out yourself too whilst he stays in with the kids then its perfectly acceptable.

I agree nappyadict but some of the women on here have said their blokes are out all hours most w/ends.

I do think that once men reach the age of 30 they should not do the going out til all hours and getting so drunk you can't remember where you are/end up etc, thing.

I am no Psychologist but it is quite obvious these men are unhappy about something in their lives obviously to make them want to drink copious amounts of booze and go out all hours.

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