I'm so lonely
indecis · 05/04/2021 03:02
Posting for traffic, it's not much of an AIBU. Had a horrible conversation with my boyfriend last night and I can't even begin to find the words to tell my friends. So now I just feel very isolated and alone. The conversation was basically me saying I felt sick, him asking if I was pregnant then spending a good 10 minutes telling me it would ruin his life if I was (not something I want either but let's be honest, accidents can happen even when I'm on the pill) followed by him telling me to get an abortion. I don't think I am pregnant as it happens but will do a test in the morning to find out, the pill I'm on means I never have periods so it's understandably a bit worrying if I suddenly feel sick. However - wow, way to jump the gun. I don't really want to think about whether to leave him or not at the moment, just need a hand hold to be honest. And to say it out loud.
indecis · 05/04/2021 03:22
I know, I did stand my ground and told him it’s actually a bit more stressful for me than him! It was just so insane, I feel sick once and therefore must automatically be pregnant and ruining his life. It’s less about ending the relationship to be honest, as much as he’s been a complete bellend, it’s more how it’s made me feel. I can’t say it out loud to any of my friends, it’s so horrifically bad, which has helpfully given me insomnia and made me feel completely alone. Needless to say I’m sure he’s sleeping soundly (at his house, not a chance he was staying here!). Urgh. Men. (Gross overgeneralisation I know, just my current mood!)
starfish88 · 05/04/2021 03:31
At the moment you have 2 potential problems, the possible pregnancy and the boyfriend. Once you have taken a test you will probably cut that down to 1 problem and it will clarify your feelings. My guess is a negative test will take away your worry and replace it with anger about the way he treated you and I don't blame you. But it will give you clarity about how you feel about him.
On the random sickness, could you be constipated? It's a different feeling to a vomiting bug and more similar to morning sickness.
MrsTerryPratchett · 05/04/2021 03:39
Well at least you know who he is now. He's hopefully single.
I don't know if men have become more entitled around this but when I was in non-marriage relationships and had scares, the men were stressed but supportive. They knew the only correct response was, "what do you want to do, I'm here for you regardless?" Now every second thread is some bloke thinking he has a vote. And some women supporting them with that.
indecis · 05/04/2021 03:39
I'm pretty non-confrontational so just really don't want him anywhere near me. I don't shout or rage so that's probably not going to happen. I'm 99% sure I'm not pregnant so I'm going to do the test, make absolutely sure, text him these words "I'm not pregnant" and if he does decide to get in touch after that then I'll try to have as civil a conversation as possible! Obviously if I am it's a different story but I've got 2 kids already (thankfully not with him!) and I have a fair idea of the symptoms.
The sickness - as a random stab in the dark I'd guess it's anxiety related. When my anxiety flares up it causes all sorts of side effects. I've rarely suffered nausea in pregnancy as it happens so it's far more likely to be something else! All other expected symptoms (sore boobs etc) are definitely not present.
Hilariously he decided to add that he'd be happy to have a baby with me in a year or so. Errr, yeah... no!
LifesNotEnidBlyton · 05/04/2021 03:41
He's a twat OP, is he doing something to stop you getting pregnant if he hates the though that badly? You're taking the pill, is he putting a condom on or just merrily ejaculating and assuming you'll do something to stop his swimmers when he's done? When you feel ok again if I were you I'd say "I want to break up. You're right about you getting me pregnant being a nightmare, I'd have to put up with you being a twat for 18 years.".
indecis · 05/04/2021 03:42
He's not single yet as I don't even want to speak to him at the moment! It's just so ridiculous, if I'd told him I thought I was pregnant I wouldn't condone this response but could at least recognise that he was stressed out by the idea. However, he's decided out of nowhere that one evening of feeling ill must automatically mean pregnancy and then he's gone to town. I spent the whole conversation going 'eh?!'. Madness.
indecis · 05/04/2021 03:47
It drives me absolutely insane that he kept saying he told me from the start he didn't want kids! I said the same, it's the implication that I've somehow done this deliberately, despite me never suggesting I might be! Oh, this is good, I might even work my way up to telling him he's a prick at this point :)
LifesNotEnidBlyton · 05/04/2021 03:50
I agree with him. You shouldn't have sex again. It's your life choice OP but if you ask me if he says that having his own baby would ruin his life then he shouldn't be dating a woman with kids. What's he going to be like if things get serious, he'll be in your childrens lives all the time, just keep living like a single man without a family to think about?
indecis · 05/04/2021 03:54
He's got 2 kids of his own! We both said from the start neither of us wanted any more as well but whilst telling me I'd be ruining his life, get an abortion etc, he's then saying he definitely wants us to have a baby in a year or so. That's a hard no from me!
indecis · 05/04/2021 03:58
I can't see a way for us to come back from this but for now that's secondary to this insanity. I can't even begin to wrap my head around him deciding I might be and then dictating what should happen. I've only told him about 20 times I'm fairly confident I'm not, and if I am then that's the time to worry. Talk about jumping the gun!
Nandakanda · 05/04/2021 04:15
Would you expect a man who embarks on a relationship with a woman who has a baby under one year old of whom he is not the father to have standards that are remotely normal? And him with two kids elsewhere? Poor kids in this situation.
What kind of dystopian reality is this?
indecis · 05/04/2021 04:16
He's constantly worried because the pill I'm on means I don't have periods at all really. I have tried to explain this but he worries anyway. Last night I felt sick. That's it! He called me from his and I said I was lying down on the sofa as felt a bit like I was going to vom. Shortly afterwards I got a text asking if I was pregnant! I said no, don't think so, numerous times. Sometimes you can just feel sick and not be pregnant! It makes me wonder if he trusts me though, there are only so many times I can tell him I don't want any more children and take the pill religiously. I've never once stopped him from taking preventative measures himself (and initially we did, his idea to stop)
indecis · 05/04/2021 04:20
To come on a post where I'm quite clearly struggling, very isolated and very down and suggest any of the children are in any way suffering as a result of a relationship I'm in... cruel to say the least. I only hope if you ever need help that people are kinder to you.
indecis · 05/04/2021 04:31
It's been about 6 months. I left my extremely abusive and controlling ex before my youngest was born so was single for about a year before I met him. My littlest would have been about 6 months old when we got together. We're not at the point where I've met his or he's met mine yet as a "partner" (same circle of friends so they've been in a pub group situation before lockdown), I'd personally need to be fully sure there was a future before I even considered it. I'm just worried I'm overreacting - no idea why I think that though! It's just bad isn't it!
MarriedToMyBestFriend19 · 05/04/2021 04:36
You've been through a lot Op. Please don't put yourself through anymore pain. Well done for getting out of your last relationship, I can't imagine that being easy and I guess it will have affect on any future relationships but if you can see something isn't right this early on, then call it a day. X
indecis · 05/04/2021 04:41
Thank you. It absolutely destroys you from my experience, I'm incredibly lucky to have two amazing daughters to motivate me to make a good life for myself and them. It becomes hard to trust anyone and I'm disappointed in myself for trusting this guy to be honest. Probably why I'm second guessing myself. Or looking for some sort of reason that it's not as bad as I think it must sound!
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